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Original poster

Is OnlyFans a harmless outlet or am I right to be mad?

88 replies

Diamona63 · 13/11/2024 21:38

I discovered by seeing credit card statements that my partner of 8 years has been paying on and off for OnlyFans for the last couple of years. I didn't realise what it was at first because it was 'OF' on the statements.

I feel sick! It's not a huge amount but it feels seedy. I challenged him on this but calmly and he became very defensive, saying 'all men do this' and 'if you want a monk go find one's.

It's not a decent thing to do in a trusting relationship is it?

OP posts:
WigglyVonWaggly · 13/11/2024 22:04

Yeah, there’s a bit of a gap between ‘monk’ and ‘man who pays for any kind of sexual services’. The bloke you want is in the middle. The other options are celibate / disrespectful twat.

Diamona63 · 13/11/2024 22:00

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Terribletooths · 13/11/2024 21:58

But so much porn is free, paying for it just seems a bit chump-y….

Blowyourbeans · 13/11/2024 21:57

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Original poster
Diamona63 · 13/11/2024 21:53

He says he only subscribed to three women and paid $5 a time (there was a conversion fee) so he says he wasn't interacting with them. Does anyone know if that's true?
Anyway, it's completely turned me off him and cancelled out any good points.

OP posts:
Circumferences · 13/11/2024 21:49

DP and I have talked a fair amount about OF because of my interest in feminism, and he finds it sad that so many young girls feel that having a "side hustle" as a prostitute/porn worker is so normalized these days.

He finds girls begging for money by showing you their private parts and doing stuff with them really off putting! He's not a prude, don't get me wrong, he just doesn't like prostitutes.

Blowyourbeans · 13/11/2024 21:49

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Ponderingwindow · 13/11/2024 21:46

In my relationship that would count as cheating.

Anonymityisvital · 13/11/2024 21:44

No all men don't do this.
He is paying other women to get sexual gratification. If you and he are supposed to be in a monogamous relationship then this is cheating.
And from his reaction he doesn't see a problem with it.
The relationship would be over for me. He has shown he had no respect for you.

username358 · 13/11/2024 21:44

As always this is about personal boundaries and what you feel comfortable with. Some women are fine with their partners getting a lap dance and for others this is a deal breaker.

He's paying for erotic/pornographic content, god knows why as the internet is bursting at the seams but there you go. Maybe he's following particular celebrities.

He is showing you a lot of disrespect by dismissing your feelings and there's a whole scale of behaviour from being a monk to paying for porn.

Brazenhussy0 · 13/11/2024 21:44

No, you are not being unreasonable. OnlyFans is a lot more personal than porn and most people would regard it as cheating with a sex worker. OnlyFans involves following/subscribing to specific content creators, and the appeal of it over standard porn is that it allows interaction with the performers through a private messaging system (where custom content is often requested and purchased.) Many content creators also offer in person meet ups.

Personally, I would class it as cheating and would treat it as such in my relationship. Your partner's defence of "all men do it" is an insult to the many men who do not do this - he's trying to flip it on you and make you out to be unreasonable, when he knows fine well that he's in the wrong and that it isn't acceptable.

MammaKel · 13/11/2024 21:44

I can honestly say my DH has never paid for porn while we've been together so no, it's not something all men do.

I'd feel the same as you, it's grim.

Nchanged89 · 13/11/2024 21:43

No it's not the thing to do in a relationship.
You are right in feeling this way.