Considering sending my child to a predominantly South Asian school

Most SE Asian families put an emphasis on families and education which is important, They're going to get a lovely set of friends who have good values.

if there are all wearing face veils then it's different.

@dannimay Schools work on catchments areas so should reflect the racial and socioeconomic mix of the local area. If it's a predominantly white area well then a 'mixture of all types' wouldn't be a 'microcosm of society'.

However you do tend to get divisions in certain areas as is happening here. It's strange that OP claims to live in a 'predominantly white' town yet has this school full of South Asians within walking distance. Surely that must mean a good amount of South Asians living in the area... But OP hasn't noticed them? If they're her neighbours she must know the kind of people they are.

Or there aren't many but for some reason they all go to this one school.

I don't think being in a minority at school is ever ideal (obviously many people don't have the luxury of choice). When my son started primary I sent him to the local Catholic primary, where I knew most of the children were either black or Polish, but I didn't see that as a problem and they have excellent wraparound and holiday childcare.

It soon became clear that actually it was a problem - not for me because I already have friends and also a job that doesn't give me enough time for my existing friends, but for my son. The children were lovely but outside of school there was going to be nothing - most of the children had lots of siblings and cousins and either socialised with them or with neighbours, or with the school children they already knew and who were from the same culture/language. After a while I thought "Fuck this" and moved him to the school next door which is much more diverse, and it has been wall-to-wall playdates and parties since. I can see that the first school has become more truly mixed in the last few years due to demographic changes in the area, but I have always been glad I moved my son.

Agree 100% Danni...... For me a school should be a microcosm of society. A mixture of all types is best.

In my experience when there is a mix of all nationalities in a school, whether white British, south Asian, Middle East, African etc...all parents and kids tend to mix well...when there is an overwhelming majority of one culture, they very much stick to their own.

OP if you want a traditional primary school experience - PTA, selling raffle tickets at the summer fair, making mum friends, play dates, kids parties - then this is not the school for you and your child.

I’m assuming this is a primary school? To massively over-generalise, sometimes 1st generation South Asians may be a little reserved and as a parent you may not get the whole WhatsApp group thing happening. Very different ballgame with 2nd generation who have been raised in the UK and I’m sure you’ll make mum friends easily. I’ve taught at schools that were 50/50 white British and South Asian and everybody mixed in and got along fine. Just in terms of parties and things, the only tip I’d give if you’re hosting is to check dietary requirements; depending on what country/religion we’re talking about, you may need to cater to vegetarians and/or make sure there is no animal gelatine in sweets etc. As for people not speaking in English as others have mentioned, that’s more of a 1st generation thing due to lack of English language, but I also don’t think it’s anything to get worked up about if that’s a private conversation between other people.

My niece/nephew went to a primary with about 60% South asian cohort - varying groups but mostly Indian hindu.

Pros:
Kids had lovely behaviour, parents who were relatively strict & limited screen use
Strong work ethic/valued education, results were exceptional.
Some friendly parents, lots of professionals (doctors etc) who were were happy to contribute financially

Cons: some social issues. A lot just did no playdates or birthday parties ever& quite a lot of parents did not engage at all with parents not from their community. Some parents with poor English language.
Super competitive - masses of tutoring from day one

There’s a big potential for this thread to derail into veiled racist rants.

I’ll give my perspective. I went to a school with around 90% of children from south Asian heritage. I’m mixed race and my mom is white.
i was bullied for not being a muslim. I had friends at school but play dates with other children with white family members. On eid there would be around 30 children in the school.

as a result of the bullying I moved to a school that had a much more diverse mix but in the same area. I was happier there and had more friendships- even a birthday party or 2.

in contrast- my son has started primary school in the same area. 90% of the school is south Asian but the school is much more engaged with the community and encouraging positive inclusive values. They promote the “no outsiders” scheme( part founded it and there doesn’t seem to be the animosity that I experienced as a child.

I sense, OP, that you are afraid of being thought racist. It's not racist to want to hang out with people with similar values. These people may not necessarily be white, because there are plenty of liberal S Asians, or indeed people of other cultures. But it's ok to want to seek out birthday parties, play dates, hanging out at the park.

I always help out on when there is a need for parents. It's the "fully immersed and involved" that gave me the ick. Sorry but I associate to PITA mums sending 50 WhatsApp messages about classroom wall colour (yes, it's for real).

DS briefly attended a similar sounding school (in terms of area) in which as a white person he was in a minority (10% probably) amongst S Asian families. It didn’t go well. He was excluded, teased to the point of bullying, couldn’t make friends, generally pushed around and the school gate wasn’t a fun place either.

The teaching staff were much more diverse and the results / work ethos was excellent but he lasted a term and then I had to move him as his self esteem and mental wellbeing (at the age of 8) were being ground out of him every day and he was becoming unwell with stress and unhappiness.

none of that is to say that your experience would be anything like ours. But if the parents are speaking another language which is the majority language for that parent body, then there’s a good chance that you’re going to struggle to be included.

In my experience, areas with a large amount of South Asians (in a majority white area) tend to be all the same type. Same religion (Hindu/Muslim), nationality (Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi) and as a result have quite a conservative attitude. Also speak their own language all the time etc. Unless you have a trusted friend to ask about the culture, steer clear. I'm not talking about places like Bradford that are generally very mixed.

I'm South Asian with a white husband, I never fit in with these people. I pole dance, wear miniskirts and go on nights out. Completely alien to them.
I'd also never send my kids to a school like that.

it's perfectly understandable to want to make mum friends and have playdates/birthday parties , I love all this. However culturally this just might not be the same priority for these mums as you..... Having said that you could go to another school and have a strange clique or something so it's also the luck of draw isn't it ? Do you know anyone going ?

Not a good idea. Firstly, how you get on at your child's school is very much secondary. Your children must come first. Send them to a school where they are most likely to fit in. You can listen to the "right on" types if you want. But you will most likely be making a mistake. My SIL made that very mistake. She began her sons first term of high school being all "right on" but within weeks of her child being one of only 2 white children in the class she knew she had made a big mistake and got him out of there ASAP. While her son got on well enough with his class mates he felt very isolated.

I did the whole PTA thing but still was out of it. Some of the messages to the rest of the pta committee were even written in different languages, so I couldn’t understand.

Your child's experience could be completely different than mine.

I went to a primary school where I was the only white British kid in my year, I think by the time I left Year 6 I was the only white kid in the whole school! But yeah, no birthday parties, no play dates, I never saw my primary school friends outside of school. I had SE Asian friends at high school and did hang out with them on Saturdays when we'd go shopping together and sometimes we'd go to each other's houses.

My child is at high school which is probably 90% SE Asian. Her experience is different to mine in that she doesn't see her school friends outside of school at all as they are from strict Muslim families and aren't allowed out at all. She's got quite a big group of friends and it's the same for all of them. They aren't allowed to go to the nice park near school, or hang out with friends at all, not even at home. They keep in touch on WhatsApp but it's not the same as seeing each other.

I feel sad for her as she does get quite lonely, particularly during the holidays. I'm thinking about moving her to a more mixed school in the hope that she'd have friends she can see at weekends and holidays.

I don't think it's unreasonable to want a few mum friends at all.

Honestly, schools need parents who are really involved and engaged, running events, PTA, governors, helping out on trips etc, it's a good thing you want to be involved in it. The more you put, the more you (and your child) get out of it.

I worked for an organisation with Islamic ethos in the education field. It was one one the best experiences of my life. The colleagues I had from a Muslim background were friendly, open minded and if you did make a gaffe thought it was funny not offensive. This was based in a school environment and as I walked in many of the mums/dads passed the time of day with me.

If you are a friendly, open person I think you will be very happy.

Generally, S Asians are very keen on education, academic success and high status professions like medicine, engineering, law, finance and so on. This is because traditionally we came to this country without inherited wealth or high status, and the only way to extricate ourselves from poverty was through education. There is also a fair amount of respect for teachers, or indeed anyone older.
Of course, many of these things are changing or may differ from school to school.
I am sorry for the experience of posters on this thread who felt isolated. I do think it's very important for children to have friends of all races. My own DC made friends through interests. Like DS just played with everyone who was keen on football.

Depends on the people themselves

The school is for your child not for you. I suggest you find some hobbies asap.