Considering sending my child to a predominantly South Asian school

If the school is walkable then surely where you live has a large South Asian population? How do you find living in the area, doing activities with children, have you not mingled at all locally?

That definitely is a red flag in terms of not being the right school for your family.

I worked in a primary school where the majority of kids were of Bengali, Punjabi and Somali. There were one or two white kids in most classes. The school was in a deprived intercity area and the parents seemed to stick together and there seemed to be very few party invites, play dates etc. Most kids seemed to mix with extended family and a few neighbours. But that was just one school. At Eid the kids were able to share what they did over the holiday with the class and child after child said they went to their cousins and swapped money and gifts and shared meals with various family. I am from a different ethnic minority and even though I was brought up atheist, culturally and socially I did not mix outside school. At weekends we visited/visited by both sets of DGPs, various aunties and uncles and cousins. We did play with our neighbours after school and in the holidays and went to one another’s birthday parties . But they were also from the same minority. As an adult I have a mix of friends from different ethnicities and much prefer being part of a wider community.

It could be that your proposed school is just fine but equally you and your DC may find themselves feeling a bit out on a limb.

Please do not send your child to that school. From previous experience it won't end well at all

Is your child a boy or a girl?
Based on my experience, the child is more likely to feel isolated as time goes on if she is a girl.
Boys just tend to play football (in this case it may be cricket) which is more likely to break down any boundaries, and the cultural differences are less.

Whereas for girls, there is more of a desire for close contact, social cohesion, and more 'judging', and it will be harder for a girl if she is the only non-white.

I think on the mums side you will feel isolated if the mothers all have something other than english as their first language, and therefore speak it with each other, and are traditional/religious - the question is whether it's worth it for your child to be in a great school educationally.
If they have english as first language, then you will probably be OK.

Which south asian culture is the predominant one in the school? That’s important as that will give you the exact answer you’re looking for. South Asians are culturally very different and cannot be put into the same category where English/ Welsh/ Scottish people are predominantly similar, an equivalent 3 South Asian Identities or cultures would be more similar to English, Turkish, Russian etc. the languages are different. Even if they are of the same religion cultural practices will make it different on how they practise. Also not everyone will be a religious nut.

At least I did. And it was totally a generalisation, but I feel like you can't answer without generalising. In my experience first generation immigrants who live in an area where they're a significant minority(or majority) tend to stick together. The second generation one what have gone to local schools and universities tend to get to know more people and be more open to other parents. Of course if they're living in an area where they are not a significant minority then it is different.

I went to a school like this

Super high racial tensions

Awful

This is so sad! Don't they realise that their children will never fit in or never feel part of the country they're brought up in?! 😔

I'm also South Asian (mixed race) with a white husband and I agree with this post. With everything else being equal (academics etc.) I would choose a truly diverse school, i.e., one that is a proper melting pot of cultures and communities - failing that, I would choose a school where parents with my values (secular, liberal) would be in the majority. I would steer clear of any where the overwhelming majority have a common language, culture, religion etc. that our family doesn't share, just because it's so much harder to fit in and make friends, and school is hard enough as it is!

I'm that case, it is unlikely that you will be friends with the parents. It is also unlikely that they will encourage friendships between their child and yours. Thay may not actively discourage it, but you're unlikely to have play dates and party invites from them.

I think it depends on the people and if they are open to their kids having white friends.
In my town the schools are all one or all the other more or less, but that's because the immigrant residents are from one area and one religion and are actively opposed to allowing their culture to risk dilution by integrating any more than they have to, they discourage any contact with white kids (I've seen parents pull their children away if they start playing at the park with a white kid). The situation has been this way for a good number of years now. It does nothing for race relations/attitudes more broadly, so it's a shame as it probably does keep the kids close to their culture of origin but also encourages a very unhealthy divide in the wider society they live in.

I hope you reported it .

@billiegoat This is interesting. Are you in Wokingham by any chance? I had a similar thought process but ultimately we decided against the area (unrelated to this) so never found out! I was a minority ethnicity throughout my schooling and it was a little isolating.

@CatchAllKate Yes, fair point. Probably at least 70% of our non white parents are British. 2nd generation mostly but some more than that.

You haven't really said enough about the school (or any other nearby school) for people to give useful advice.

70% South Asian is a bit like saying 70% European - it could be a homogeneous group or quite diverse within the broader category and include a range of different languages, nationalities and religions. A class could be 70% European and no two children share the same nationality.

What is the ethnicity of the other 30% and is it the same as your son's? You mention being the only white British mum being shown round - was this in a small group?

I think you do need to consider if your child will have a peer group growing up. But that doesn't need to come just from school. One or two friends from a local school and a wider pool of friends from attending Beavers/football or playing with neighbours can give that peer group.

My main concern would be if my child had one other person from the same background in their class so always got paired with them, even though they had nothing else in common. Fortunately that didn't happen to us as he's the only one with his background in the school and many other children also have dual nationality so he doesn't stand out either.

I agree with this. And I say this as a South Asian Hindu woman.

Someone also said that it depends on whether the parents are 1st or 2nd generation immigrants. I would disagree with this point as I'm 1st generation, but me and DH have made a huge effort to not just stay within our community. In my experience, you have immigrants who prefer staying in areas where they are in majority and those who move away from such places. The former are more likely to stick to their own people and not be very welcoming to others - not because they're mean but because it doesn't somehow fit in with their life style. They're used to speaking their own language and living almost like they did in their home countries.

I would expect your child to be left out at this school and for you to not make many mum friends.

I suspect it’s site-specific - depends on how open the majority culture at that school is to mixing with others and whether the parents speak English socially.

New friends can be found through shared interests, doesn’t have to be just the school gate. Volunteering’s a treasure trove of nice people from truly mixed backgrounds.

The schools where I'm from basically have one white kid per class. I have to visit these due to organising clubs to kids. When I went to school it was about 50/50. This has it's own set of challenges. But If we are talking about parent interactions I've noticed it is fine when everyone is from all over. But classes where majority of the kids parents are from one country or one religion, they're not really talking to other parents. But also depends if the parents are first or second+ generation.

Then how will you fit in with them? I'm brown OP and I wouldn't send my DD to a school where the majority of parents didn't speak English. I'd worry the cliqueyness would be the same between the children.

My daughter is mixed race. White and Afghan. Muslim. Her first school nursery - reception. She got bullied by another Afghan. It was mixed in London. I got along with the mums and everyone regardless of race because I guess I'm white and Muslim and could fit in with all of them. Generally all kids were okay, except a few of the Afghan kids ironically.

She started a wonderful school in Cheshire in year 1-2. All white. She was the only Muslim in the class, year. Amazing mums. Amazing school. She had lots of amazing friends. I miss that school.

Now she's at a school in West Sussex, all white. The mums are quite snobby, children seem nice but she's already been bullied for looking like "chinesey"

So I really do think it varies but honestly speaking, put your child in a cohort that will reflect your values too. What's the point her making friends with little samirah if her parents will not want her hanging with the non Muslim come high school?
I'm being real. You don't want them becoming the token white friend that doesn't "quite get it"

X

Personally I think it's shortsighted to use just 'ethnicity' as a marker for anything, it really depends on the specific background.
For example
There are many of children, of whatever background with 'cosmopolitan' professional parents who went to international schools in their home countries. They'd fit in quite well in a naice MC middle class area/grammar school even if it was predominantly white. Definitely not in an area with people of their own ethnicity, of a lower socioeconomic status and whose values may be closer towards those of their own culture.

@Lentilweaver As an aside I'm quite pleased to see South Asian stars like Ritu Arya, Simone Ashley etc taking the screen... Also South Asians in ballet and orchestras.

I understand immigrant parents wanting to give their kids a good life but I don't understand the attitude of not supporting if you can in 2024 for 2nd/3rd generation who can definitely afford it. What was that quote... I study science... Sth sth... So my sons can study poetry.

Oh yes, there will be tutoring. By god, there will be tutoring😂

I think 70% from 1 ethnicity is probably fine. I wouldn't want 90%+, particularly. But, for many people, there's no choice. They are always in a tiny minority. And most of those seem to cope fine.

I teach in a diverse school (ethnically, not socially). We are about 50% White, 20% Black, 20% South Asian and 10% Chinese. But I wonder whether it feels diverse to, say, the Chinese families, who are the smallest minority. I'm guessing not! But they fit in fine. I think with 30% from his own race/culture, your child will not have a problem at all.

SE Asian (comprising countries such as Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia) is different from South Asia (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh)....? Did you make a typo?