Considering sending my child to a predominantly South Asian school

And you are very different from people whose parents migrated here in 80's, living in Indian majority places like Harrow in London, with people of the same cultural background. You're part of the 'cosmopolitan' parent groups I mentioned earlier.
It's very difficult for non-South Asian people to understand this. But there are people born and bred in the UK, who are more conservative and following the culture of their origin. Compared to first generation people from India.
After 2012 a visa became very difficult to get, those who come here are highly educated usually in foreign universities but also have a certain mindset.
Those whose parents came here years ago weren't often from such well-off backgrounds, if they stayed in the same place with people like them, their outlook is different.

I'm like you, Indian born in a different Asian country (4th gen) and went to a top university here. I had friends from other universities whose parents expected them to marry, arranged straight after graduation, I was shocked this attitude still existed in the UK.

Malaysians are South East Asians a region that comprises countries like Indonesia, Vietnam, Thailand, they are Indo-Chinese by ethnicity. Malaysian and Singapore have people of Indian and Chinese descent who migrated during colonial times.
'South Asian's refers to people from Indian and the sub-continent.
Completely different culturally.

Do you always struggle with reading comprehension? Nobody said anything about extremes. Rather, it's about openness to different people and willingness to engage.
As stated in the post you replied to places like Bradford have a lot of South Asians, all from different cultural backgrounds so you get all sorts.
It would be impossible for them to speak the same language for a start because well they don't HAVE the same language. Each state in South India for example has its own language with its own alphabet, that's how diverse it is.
This is different from a place where everyone is from the exact same cultural background, only wants to mix with their own kind and not engage with outsiders, especially ones that don't share their worldview.
We don't know what kind of school OP's is but there's no easy way of finding out.
@ButTrue example - few white kids but many non-white, all from different backgrounds that's absolutely fine.

The other nuance here is that people are complex, those who follow their culture very strictly - well, their heads explode at anybody out of the norm. Although you used myself as an extreme example because I mentioned pole dancing. I have other 'traditional' values. Like being a practising Hindu. Many won't believe it, they think just because I wear certain clothes and do certain things they deem inappropriate I cannot possibly be religious.

People need to be accepted for being good in a way that aligns with universal human values (to the extent this is possible), not pre-judged.

Most importantly, in mine and many other posts people are sharing their own experience. They're not saying the school in the OP is definitely like this. Merely, if the OP cannot find out, it's a risk she chooses to take.

My son went to a mixed school with a high Asian percentage.

in some ways it was ok, some parents friendly, some not but there weren’t many play dates and it wasn’t over friendly.

on the parents WhatsApp there were messages from some parents (Asian) asking for their kids not to be bullied as they weren’t practising Muslims or weren’t as strict as other in the class so even within the Muslim students there was bullying and my son never really fitted in.

he has now moved to another school which is diverse but in a different way. Children of all colours and lots of ‘foreign’ families who have parents working in education locally so a lot of Italians, Greeks, Scandinavian, Spanish. This school is welcoming diverse and totally different vibe to the previous school

Of course there is a middle ground!
It's people like me who are 1st generation, have no extended family around, so we've made a big effort to not live in an area which only has Indians. We've even made the conscious decision to not send out child to a grammar school which was predominantly full of Indian and Chinese children as it wouldn't reflect the society we live in. Instead, we've chosen a school further away which has a great mix of White, Black, Asians etc.

Most of my Indian friends come from a similar background like mine... We moved here in our 20s for work, we come from middle class families back in India, English was the first language in our schools in India, we are all professionals. Someone mentioned 'tiger parents' on this thread, and yes we do tend to be that, but a lot of us are making a conscious effort to not be that.

Diversity is good - teaches tolerance, respect and acceptance. DT’s went to an international school - they were the only two of their nationality. They have friends from a wide range of different cultures, languages and backgrounds.

The other question is why would you actively choose for your child to be a minority in a school, where in the country your ethnic group is the majority. It's hard to be a minority, especially for children. Being the majority is generally easier.

I have already said that diversity is great in schools . My son is a minority white pupil in his school and he is completely happy and has loads of friends but his school is very diverse so most of the children speak in English to each other and no culture is particularly dominant. if you read the OP’s post she needs to do a bit more research because the school she is considering doesn’t sound very diverse and that can be tough and lonely for children.

You may struggle to make friends and be involved even in a predominantly white school. It can be very cliquey and you may not be accepted Who knows what group you're going to get? I think just go with what you think is best for your kids. You can still be involved and volunteer at the school as opposed to it being a social thing for you.

It would depend on the religions of the children.

Of the 30 in year, 14 are from Asia.

All of my children's Hindu and Sikh friends have parties, celebrate different religious festivals and want to actively be friends with all types of parents and children.

The Muslim children and parents (there are 5 in the year) do not go to any of the parties, don't host any party, refuse play dates and don't allow their children to be part of any Christian events. Do not speak with any other parents. There is a very them and us feel from them.

I would never put my children in a school where the majority of the class followed Islam as I know my child would be excluded and ostracised.

S Asian is a very catchall term. It's like saying Europeans don't do play dates! There is huge diversity in the region, as pp said. Some 6 to 7 religions, maybe about 20 different languages, people from many different backgrounds.

Yes, it’s exactly this.

Why do you keep posting this when someone shares a positive story of their child being in a minority as a white pupil? You don't know what mix of faiths go to the school OP is considering. You know that approx 70% are south Asian which could include Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists etc. Therefore the school could be very diverse in terms of cultures. There are also 30% of pupils that are not south Asian and you don't know what mix these pupils are from. You also don't know what mix of faiths and races these other posters experienced when they share their positive stories. You're making assumptions.

This is a really interesting thread. I think it can be tough for a child to be a minority and look visibly different to others in a class. Butt it does build resilience. But it's not something most people would ordinarily choose for their child as it's hard. I'm a bit surprised that people's experience is that South Asians don't do birthday parties or play dates. It may be that they are first generation so may not be comfortable or worried about inviting people from other cultures to their homes. And also they do family orientated birthday parties.

If the intake is from the different countries in S Asia- India, Pakistan, Bangladesh- the.common language might still be English. Indeed, India has 16 languages so while both DH and I are Indian, we speak to each other in English. Those kinds of schools may be more welcoming.

But from what you say, doesnt sound like it.
As a fairly Westernised S Asian, ( too Western my mum thinks) I attempted to send my DC to schools with good results and academics- important to me- but also with liberal values where the children mix- equally important.

I don't have any personal experience of this but I appreciate your concerns and I'm not convinced it is going to offer you the Primary School experience you want for your child.

For us, I wanted my children to have a similar experience at Primary as what I had. The Nativity Play was the highlight of the year. December was all about Christmas crafts and Carol Services. Easter was about making cards, Easter Bonnet parades, Harvest Festival about Hymns and donating to the church, Mothering Sunday was about the children making gifts/cards for their mums. I don't know how much of that would be happening in this school and whether it would be replaced by other celebrations, such as Diwali, which are not part of your culture. It's nice to have a balance but this may be a bit too far the other way.

OP is not considering a school with a diverse intake though so it is a different situation.

My daughter goes to a school where the children are predominantly Muslim and Hindu.

We absolutely love the school! We chose it partly because of the ethnic diversity. It’s a lovely, excellent school and we’re so happy we chose to send her there.

My daughter is 5 and hasn’t been to any birthday parties yet but my husband and I are quite antisocial anyway so we’re happy to not have weekends taken up by constant birthday parties tbh. Our daughter isn’t bothered by the lack of birthday parties or play dates so it’s fine.

I think it’s unfair to assume the other mums wouldn’t want to get to know you or form friendships! This has been far from my experience so far. I’ve made one school mum friend who is Muslim. She has a group of other school mum friends and I’ve sort of joined their school mum group. She is absolutely lovely. We go for walks, have coffee and our children (they were in the school nursery together which is how we got talking) play at the playground some times. She is much easier to get on with and talk to than some of my non-Muslim friends tbh. But then she is more British than me, slightly older than me, and has lived here all her life so I can’t see why anyone would even think that she would be less likely to form friendships or interact with any other non-Muslim friends really.

I’m shy and keep to myself but really everyone is so friendly and I feel like there’s way less of the school gate politics and dramas than at some other schools I hear of.

And most importantly it is really a great school, fantastic reputation, my daughter is thriving, she’s made some wonderful friends and that’s what’s most important.

I’d just consider whether the school is a good school and wouldn’t factor in the cultural differences really.

How do you want to be involved? We used breakfast and after school clubs so avoided the playground drop off and collection politics. We didn’t have a class WhatsApp group - thank goodness!
We saw more of the parents as the children all got older and we supported them in sports events.
I didn’t make school mum friends as I already had friends and worked full time.

My kid was one a handful of white kids in her year. She has absolutely loads of friends of all races and I have plenty of mum friends of all races and religions.

Apart from a fair bit of “what am I?” Questions when she was small and hating culture day when she had no idea what to dress in apart from school uniform, it’s caused no problems at all.

I know, but some are.

@sallyWD just to point out that many of us are not talking about Muslims or indeed religion. Not all S Asians will be Muslim. This is about language, culture and diversity of a group. Any group.

Once again, people are slipping into the same old stereotypes that Muslims don't want to integrate, they are closed, they don't want to speak English etc.
Its always hard for me to read these comments as they're the opposite of my experience, living in an area with high numbers of Muslims.
All I can say is that my children made lots of Muslim friends. The families were open and welcoming, not only inviting the children into their homes but us as well. Muslim mums were active members of the PTA. Although some occasionally speak Urdu or Arabic they all speak English well. Many here have a strong Yorkshire accent and use all the Yorkshire colloquialisms. They sound much more local than me, a southerner.
I work with around six Muslims who are all friendly. Again I've been invited to some of their houses. They always join in the Christmas party and any other social events we have.
We are friends with the local Imam, who frequently opens up the nosque for anyone to pop in. He wants to reach out to the community and increase understanding.
I'm not saying there's no problems with integration in some areas. I'm sure there are but I like to give balance. It's simply not my experience that Muslims are hostile and closed to other communities.
People make these comments such as "They don't see integration with white, British people as a good thing" and it pisses people off and increases the very strong anti-Muslim feeling that exists at the moment.

@Sskka - it doesn’t necessarily perpetuate. There was a noticeable difference between families with first generation immigrant parents and those with second or third generation parents.

The former tended to stick to extended family socialising, the latter were more open.

Agreed! I posted up thread about having to move DS out of a school in which he was a minority in a single S Asian culture. It was a private school and many parents were professionals, the kids probably a mix of first and second gen.But very conservative as a group.

The social and cultural aspects were just too hard to break into. The boys at the school were incredibly confident and targeted DS as a bit of a soft touch who was out of his depth and friendless. They would impose rules such as “elders know best” or “speak when you’re spoken to” and so if you were younger in the year then that gave them licence to tell you off, push you out of line etc. The girls seemed to keep themselves in a separate group
and he never made friends with any girls, having always been a child who was not bothered about boys v girls rivalries or stereotypes.

We moved him to the local state school which was pretty rubbish on academics tbh but it was nurturing, diverse and friendly. He then made friends with a variety of kids of different cultures and backgrounds of both genders and was far happier.

In all honesty I was never sure the first school was right but we had limited choice given the poor academic rep of the local state school and catchments cutting us out of other schools, and I so badly did not want to make a decision that felt prejudiced. But breaking into a different cultural group was impossible and his time at that school was a very sad experience for DS.