PIL's proudness of DIL being ex teacher - am I just jell ?

I kind of get it, my dp was a secondary school teacher for a while, but decided to leave and got a job working for the HMRC but I’d still tell people he was a teacher because if I told them what he was currently doing they’d have something negative to say one example is “oh so he’s the one taking all my wages”. Could your sil’s current job receive that sort of response or would people not understand what her role actually was?

Not sure why they’re praising an ex-teacher!
She’s hardly a brain surgeon!

You never know what she's being told about you - your MIL might be doing the same to her and making her feel resentful about you for something.

My brother in law was dating an Iroquoian princess for a few years. All I heard was how beautiful she was and how clever etc (she was a lawyer). They broke up because she cheated on him but they still sometimes wistfully talk about her.

@gummania mainly made excuses for them. Said they didn't have the benefit of education and were narrow minded which was true.
I tolerate them now, I'm never rude and I don't stop him seeing them but unless it's a big occasion I don't go. I think they regret their attitude towards me and are always extra nice now so I try not to hold a grudge but I just don't feel anything positive towards them. Funnily enough his wonderful db and wife live in another country now and barely see them

@CanelliniBeans what on earth did your DH do over the years when his parents behaved like this to you and his children FGs?!

I have experienced this from DH family (as has he to be honest).
Our DC were always the last to be invited, they didn't bother with our dc nativity but raved about the others. I had a very professional job which they never understood. I'd been to university which they laughed about.
They changed when the kids became young adults and all the 'favourites' disappeared and got on with their lives. But I could never quite get over it. We invite them over now for some family things, we do Christmas (although there was never room for us at their house with the others) but I feel cold towards them and no longer make an effort. I don't visit them.

I would be eye rolling (mentally if not overtly) every time I heard them bang on about this and not putting much store by it. You already know you are bottom of the heap in their eyes and that they have a very superficial assessment of people. Whatever you do, try not to fall out with your SIL as you need your family allies with PIL like that!

No, they think they do and they've no clue about even 'the classroom part' i.e. adapting for 30+ individuals, managing behaviour, managing contributions, motivating, explaining, giving instructions, addressing wellbeing, taking into account research and data, checking progress, planning all interactions in minute detail...

Maybe they're just proud because they think it matters or makes a difference.

Slight aside, but this thread has reminded me....

When I was fifteen, I was at my best friend's house. The mother was a teacher. Over dinner (I was already on the backfoot because there were items of cutlery that I didn't know what they were for), she said to me, "What do you think you might choose as a career?"

"I don't know really," I said. "I suppose journalism or perhaps advertising or something."

She pursed her lips.

"Well, that's not very good," she said. "You're quite bright. You could do something useful - like teaching."

🙄 Thousands and thousands of teachers are quitting, because the job can be a nightmare. I know plenty if excellent teachers who have quit, and no doubt gone on to be excellent at other things.

Oh I feel you with this one! My MIL dislikes me. Because I’m the only one in the entire family who knows she’s a narcissist. Over the years she has been beyond difficult and I’ve cried many tears over her. When I had my children she demanded I call her mum. Nah, not happening, I’m not calling someone mum who I am not close to and I do not like. Well her other DIL is playing by the rules! She visits all the time and calls her mum etc even though in the beginning she was equally as cruel to her and made her cry several times. Because she’s playing ball she gets praised and I get compared to her all the time. It is rotten but I know it won’t last. So bite your tongue and keep living your life on your own terms.

He's definitely stood up for me. But sometimes he'll come out with stuff and I can just hear that it's from his mum and then I say 'did your mum say that ?

I suspect what the Op is genuinely upset about is the fact that her husband seems to share the views of his mother

I'm older than they are.

Just sayin'

It's nothing at all to do with age.

Yes this (I reckon) is the answer. It's like nurse, doctor, police - something to be proud of because everyone (including them) understands what it is. 'Corporate' jobs (btw, I am a teacher and don't know what that means) are a mystery to most.

I would try not to take it personally - your job is probably miles better (esp given she's no longer one) but this is likely to be the reason.

You sound really mean! They sound like nice people who are looking for nice things to say about their new DIL.

Gently correct them, or let her and her partner do it.

Could not care less. I’d make friends with my Sil and bond over it. But then I also wouldn’t post a snotty little thread on mumsnet

They are 79 and 82.

I don't know if this explains anything but I remember my mum telling me they were told at her (all girl) school that if they were planning to get a job after leaving (guess this would have been 1960 or so) the options were teacher, nurse or secretary. My mum's sister did become a teacher. My mum became a podiatrist, bit random.

My parents aren't the least bit interested in my career (solicitor) and never mention/ ask anything about it except to disapprove that I sent my children to nursery rather than giving up work.

They aren't stupid intellectually but have very fixed ideas about what is the correct way of doing things.

Anyway sorry to have annoyed you, it wasn't intentional.

You've done nothing to be ashamed of. Quite the opposite, you're the hard-working mother of her grandchildren and you deserve respect.
Next time she does anything like this, take a deep breath and say something like 'That's enough Barbara. Do not use my child as a go-between for your criticism of me. I've had years of this nonsense from you and I'm calling time on it now'
Honestly, free yourself of caring what your in-laws think, it's so liberating and models solid boundaries for your children ie not putting up with disrespect from anyone.
Good luck x

I was going to say exactly this. They know what a teacher is/does but not clear what she does now. I don't see it as being particularly proud that she was a teacher just that it's a conversation piece they can understand.

My parents are exactly the same. They always tell people I'm an ex detective because they know what that is not that they're particularly proud. I'm now an investigator for a regulatory body but despite having done that for over 8 years they still ask me what I do and admit they can't tell people what I do because they don't really know/remember.

it’s like you’re talking about women born in the 1930s

Not the 1960s!

They're trying to show off to their friends/acquaintances.

They sound as bonkers as my late Granny, was so proud of my cousin who did all the teacher training then sat on her arse umemployed became a lady of leisure as she didn't want to work Granny used to tell everyone how proud she was of her special grand child with the teaching degree 🙄

He's definitely stood up for me. But sometimes he'll come out with stuff and I can just hear that it's from his mum and then I say 'did your mum say that ?

WTF… your husband also denigrates you or bigs up his sil?

We hear about how wonderful D Sis in law is (and is great, but it's funny how they go on) and how much money everyone has; everyone has loads of money.
DH and I laugh a bit about it afterwards. PIL are a product of the 80's and now it just looks strange as they never really left that decade.
I do love them though, but have accepted that we have different aspirations and beliefs.