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Original poster

Husband won’t replace his wedding ring

171 replies

Luminiiii · 13/11/2024 09:42

Am I being unreasonable??

My husbands wedding ring came off his finger in the summer on holiday in the sea. We spent hours looking for it but it had gone.
I’ve asked numerous time for us to go together to replace it, make a day of it, or even buy it online. But he just keeps saying it’s not his priority and he’s too busy.

I trust him completely and it’s not a case of worrying about him looking single on a night out. But it’s what it represents and the symbol of it that’s important to me.

Is he in the right or me??

OP posts:
pavementgerms · 13/11/2024 12:32

NotOneOfTheInCrowd · 13/11/2024 12:04

Slightly different perspective. If I lost my wedding ring replacing it wouldn’t be a consideration because a replacement wouldn’t be my wedding ring, it would just be a gold band.

My wedding ring is the ring I got married with, not a random ring I bought if the real thing got lost.

Yeah this is my POV. Like people who have replacement "engagement rings" or who go on "honeymoon" months after their wedding. It's a ring or a holiday, the symbolism isn't there.

MaidOfSteel · 13/11/2024 12:29

Why don't you buy one for him, OP, as a surprise?

40YearOldDad · 13/11/2024 12:27

Wonderi · 13/11/2024 11:29

I’ve been on dates with men who’ve forgotten to take off their wedding ring.

I know men who wear one and still cheat, whilst wearing it.

Wearing a ring doesn’t mean anything to the rest of the world
(in fact it apparently makes them more attractive to other women but I don’t know if that’s based on fact).

Show quote history

Facts - I'm a solid 5 out of 10, with my ring on that's nudged upto a 6, 6.5 😂

Nogaxeh · 13/11/2024 12:20

I like wearing my wedding ring, but I'm happy to let my OH decide about wearing theirs. FIL doesn't wear his ring except when attending weddings. He spends most of his day working with lathes and other machinery and it would be too dangerous.

I like your idea of making a day out of choosing a replacement. Do you have any time when you do things together just the two of you? Would seem a bit weird that you couldn't fit it in. Is he so busy that you don't have any time for the two of you out of the house?

Perhaps he's embarrassed about losing it and the expense of replacing it?

Abra1t · 13/11/2024 12:13

My husband doesn’t wear a ring and nor did my dad. Wouldn’t bother me. I don’t actually like jewellery on men much, through.

Original poster
Luminiiii · 13/11/2024 12:12

40mumof2 · 13/11/2024 12:01

@Luminiiii I know just an innocent question !
What happened to being kind
Hope you don't take any notice of the horrid silly responses
It's getting worse on here I've found

That’s why I never post… I’m a mere lurker for fear of being shot down! 🫣

OP posts:
Wonderi · 13/11/2024 12:12

Luminiiii · 13/11/2024 11:55

Happened in June. Now November. Did you mean a few months?

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So like 4/5 months.

This isn’t something I’d be stressing about tbh.

I understand a ring is significant for you but it’s not like he took it off and then refused to put it back on, he lost it.

You are still married and to him the ring is irrelevant because it doesn’t prove anything.
Him not wearing it, doesn’t mean he’s not married to you or loves you any less.

He only wears it because you want him to, he doesn’t actually need to wear it at all. So I think you should let him get it replaced in his own time, which for me would be after Xmas.

You say you’re not worried but you must be feeling worried about something to want him to replace it within a certain timeframe.

NotOneOfTheInCrowd · 13/11/2024 12:04

Slightly different perspective. If I lost my wedding ring replacing it wouldn’t be a consideration because a replacement wouldn’t be my wedding ring, it would just be a gold band.

My wedding ring is the ring I got married with, not a random ring I bought if the real thing got lost.

DoctorAngelface · 13/11/2024 12:01

Luminiiii · 13/11/2024 11:57

Why do things always have to get nasty on a simple question 🤷🏻‍♀️ baffling 😂

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Classic MN. I've just had a skim through and I noticed PPs falling over themselves to tell you how they'd happily throw wedding rings into the sea themselves because that's how little they care about them.

Have you considered buying him a new one and giving it to him over a nice meal? I do get that it's frustrating that he doesn't want to look, but maybe it's a simple case that he doesn't find ring shopping enjoyable.

40mumof2 · 13/11/2024 12:01

@Luminiiii I know just an innocent question !
What happened to being kind
Hope you don't take any notice of the horrid silly responses
It's getting worse on here I've found

Original poster
Luminiiii · 13/11/2024 11:57

40mumof2 · 13/11/2024 11:47

Ignore the nasty ones, obviously deflecting x

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Why do things always have to get nasty on a simple question 🤷🏻‍♀️ baffling 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Luminiiii · 13/11/2024 11:55

Wonderi · 13/11/2024 11:26

Was it this summer holidays?

If so, then it’s literally only been a few weeks and it’s obviously not the biggest priority and so it’ll probably be just done after Xmas.

I wouldn’t even think about getting a replacement until after Xmas.
It wouldn’t mean that I don’t love you, it’s just not a priority in life.

Happened in June. Now November. Did you mean a few months?

OP posts:
CovertPiggery · 13/11/2024 11:50

Parker231 · 13/11/2024 11:41

We’ve never worn wedding rings but had a black tie smart London hotel wedding with several hundred guests from around the world. My wedding dress came from a Brussels designer!

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But did you mock OP for feeling sad that her DH doesn't want to wear a ring anymore?

They're the posters I mean.

It's like a weird competition of not caring about something.

LostittoBostik · 13/11/2024 11:49

Parker231 · 13/11/2024 09:44

It’s irrelevant - you’re either married or you’re not. DH and I have been married 30 years and neither of us has ever worn a wedding or engagement ring.

It's not irrelevant because it matters to her specifically, in this relationships. What is irrelevant is how anyone outside this marriage views rings

40mumof2 · 13/11/2024 11:47

Luminiiii · 13/11/2024 11:43

“Pathetically insecure”. Nice.

Ignore the nasty ones, obviously deflecting x

Original poster
Luminiiii · 13/11/2024 11:45

Thanks for all the messages. Even the ones that say I’m controlling or insecure 😂
Lots of balanced suggestions and plenty of food for thought. Thanks all x

OP posts:
Original poster
Luminiiii · 13/11/2024 11:43

“Pathetically insecure”. Nice.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 13/11/2024 11:41

CovertPiggery · 13/11/2024 11:34

I bet the "well I've never worn a ring so you shouldn't care" people are the same ones who boast about how they got married round the back of Tesco by the bins, wearing an old sack when an OP asks about table arrangements.

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We’ve never worn wedding rings but had a black tie smart London hotel wedding with several hundred guests from around the world. My wedding dress came from a Brussels designer!

User1836484645R · 13/11/2024 11:36

Sanch1 · 13/11/2024 10:02

Mumsnet seems to be this weird alternate world where no one wears a wedding ring and no one is bothered. But in my life I dont know anyone who is married that doesnt wear a ring. I would not be happy if my husbnad was not wanting to replace a lost ring, but he knows its important to me (and him) so would fix it straight away.

Mine wore his for about a month. He hated the feel of it.

It really doesn’t bother me at all. Men wearing rings isn’t the norm in my family, or his.

coffeesaveslives · 13/11/2024 11:36

DH hasn't worn his ring for years - I'm not even sure he knows where it is tbh 😂

I can see why you're hurt but honestly, it's just a piece of metal. Maybe get him a replacement for Christmas if it means that much?

MumOfOneAllAlone · 13/11/2024 11:35

Wonderi · 13/11/2024 11:29

I’ve been on dates with men who’ve forgotten to take off their wedding ring.

I know men who wear one and still cheat, whilst wearing it.

Wearing a ring doesn’t mean anything to the rest of the world
(in fact it apparently makes them more attractive to other women but I don’t know if that’s based on fact).

Show quote history

Wearing a ring doesn't guarantee a good marriage. Tbh Being married doesn't guarantee a faithful kr loving husband

There are exceptions to everything - as long as my hypothetical husband wore his ring and was proud to be married to me, and faithful to me, I'd be happy. Same here, id wear my ring with pride, as well as being what i deem to be a good wife.

And I'd be really hurt if he didn't understand the things that matter to me

CovertPiggery · 13/11/2024 11:34

40mumof2 · 13/11/2024 10:26

I know right 🤣some of these comments are ridiculous

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I bet the "well I've never worn a ring so you shouldn't care" people are the same ones who boast about how they got married round the back of Tesco by the bins, wearing an old sack when an OP asks about table arrangements.

Stravaig · 13/11/2024 11:33

The striking thing in many of these lovely stories is that people can imbue choosing to wear their own ring with meaning while accepting that their partner feels entirely differently.

Just don't imbue your partner wearing a ring with meaning, as you have no control over that, and what it means will be personal to them anyway!

Spinet · 13/11/2024 11:33

Presumably him not being bothered about the ring it's making you feel like he's not bothered about what it signifies i.e the marriage. This is very probably not the case but you need to tell him it feels like that.

Timeforaglassofwine · 13/11/2024 11:32

I think its a bit controlling. I would be very upset if my dh insisted that I wore my ring if I didn't want to.

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