To feel absolutely pathetic that I can't manage full time work

Depends how her child's ASD presents, doesn't it?

I work full time in a similar situation w Fibromyalgia+ASD husband and suspected ASD kids.

What motivates me to keep with full time is the knowledge that my H will eventually need to stop working. CKD is progressive do you need to build a career to become the breadwinner too? Obviously if you don’t need the money, ditch the hours and go easier on yourself. Is a job with driving the right job? It does sound especially knackering.

I think there is a massive transition needed going up in days. I’ve just moved and cooking etc has been haphazard but I’m getting back all my hacks and back into batch cooking. If you would benefit from the money/career, give yourself a few more weeks before you decide 💐.

Batch cooking, slow cooker etc. definitely well worth looking out.

I don't disagree in some circumstances @RosesAndHellebores but it depends on the type of work and the person and the employer. Some might say there are tax advantages (I earn more than DH proportionally as have been able to avoid higher rate tax).

I've been a part time teacher for nearly 15 years now and as long as you have good boundaries it's better because no-one can force you to work on your days off so it "caps" the hours at 40ish rather than them creeping up to 50ish.

Plus you can't easily subcontract SEN and medical stuff as a lot of stuff needs doing personally. So you don't have to put off e.g. a GP appointment for 2 months.

I voted YABU because your title said AIBU to feel pathetic, you are being very hard on yourself. Just say it’s not working for you, you need to do fewer hours and then you’ll be able to make a success of the role

You say you work part time but you don't do you? It's just a lot of it is unpaid!

Bringing up DC with ASD and supporting them in a mainstream school is a lot of extra work. My DH is in good health but my god the work it takes behind the scenes to keep him and DD pointing forwards?I am 99% sure he's ASD too).

Hang in there sister. Your time and wellbeing matters too. Put your own oxygen mask on first!

I'm going against the grain here. I found part time work sucked. At work you do as much as the full-timers or only slightly less and at home you feel you should be super woman dealing with everything because you are "only" part-time.

Full-time was easier and is easier. Suddenly subcontracting domestic stuff is easily justifiable: cleaner, ironer, more childcare, good quality ready meals. I worked full time from when dd was nearly 7 albeit locally. It was so much easier.

Whilst there may not be visibly more money in your purse, you will be doing your pension and retirement all sorts of favours.

I am feeling similar and feeling a failure after a similar thread took a very different direction. I have secondary kids but they're both ND and I'm looking at assessment. I'm also actively looking for wfh jobs but it's so hard to change careers into something part time.

I've been awake last might weighing up hours and money (not a high income family) and this thread is helping me see I just can't do more than 3.5 days currently.

That sounds really hard. So much pressure hope you can reduce your hours.

🙄🙄🙄 seriously, was there any need for that. On this post. Read the room.

Op i went back to work part time circa 19 hours a week after maternity leave. Took redundancy a few months later because the routine was hell and I hated it. You live your life. Feel no judgement from anyone else - it’s your life. The point is health and happiness. Not to earn good money for someone else, a pittance for yourself, whilst sacrificing your own health and well being. Looking after your family is a valid choice! Don’t live your life on the fake version of equality that us women have today - that we can and really should have it all; a great career and a fabulously wholesome motherhood. You can choose your own balance and your choice is valid!

The youngest is 9 so probably Y5. Most people would work at least 30 hours that I know, they're not babies and can help out.

You’re not pathetic. You have so so so much on your plate, it’s highly likely that most people would struggle in your situation. You’re no good to anybody once you’re burnt out. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

I think you should stop being so hard on yourself.

Be kind to yourself as if you were your own best friend. You have a lot to cope with & you are not pathetic at all.

You're not unreasonable.
Of course you're exhausted.

Talk to your manager. Takeaways are not good for CKD. Put yourself and your family first.

I voted you are being unreasonable......but I think I read the poll wrong? You have an awful lot going on.....it's mad to think you could cope with more hours. Stop being hard in yourself and start taking care of yourself.....its vital you do this for everyone.

It sounds like you're approaching burnout, if you're not there already. You have such a lot going on! Are you doing domiciliary care work ( you say you're on the road)? If so, when they say it's flexible it means flexible for them!
You'll read on this forum about all the people who work full time and have children and manage to do xyz on top, but in reality people do what works best for them. Some people do have to manage all the things, and some even thrive on it, but there are many of us who manage better with a really good work/life balance, which may mean less money coming in.
Do what's right for you and your family!

Why is 35-40 hours a week an ideal that you feel you must measure up to? There's no reason. If it's about money then I get it, but it's not some standard template that you're deficient if it doesn't fit with your life.

I might have got my vote the wrong way around - I voted yaBU because no, it's completely reasonable to not be able to cope with all you've got on!

Take it back to 3 days. Burning yourself out helps no-one (not even your job, although they don't always see it that way)

Don't feel ashamed OP. You've tried it, and that's commendable. It sounds as though it's not working for you, which is completely understandable if you have a ND child and an unwell husband too, not to mention a second child who may need a bit of extra attention at the moment. I found full time work hard without any of those additional things going on.

If finances would allow, can you either try to reduce hours again, or consider looking for a different job that is fewer hours/hybrid remote?

Hugs OP. You have an awful lot to manage x

I only voted yabu as anyone would find that tough. Full time work is demanding...so arekids and ill husbands. You are not pathetic. Drop some hours.
I do ft and struggle as the houae is a mess etc.

I agree it sounds exhausting. If you can afford it reduce your hours further. 32 hours is quite a lot for part-time.

surprised you manage to work that much. mine are older, both ASD (one with severe learning diff on top) and appointments, no wrap around child care, no school holiday childcare. nada. I assume it's the same across the country so doing 32h is an achievement.