Sexless marriage 😞

it's harsh but it sounds like she's gone off you tbh and speaking from experience as a woman once that spark goes it's very difficult to get it back.

I’d say your marriage probably is over. That level of rejection is not something you can or should have to live with.

This is a terrible idea. She clearly doesn’t want to have sex so to timetable sex in where she then feels obligated to have it is just wrong and definitely won’t get her in the mood.

So the once in the last two years would have been when you conceived baby number two?

But also you've managed to get married and have two children in the ten years that this has been an issue. (Why did you get married if this is how you were feeling?)

But maybe try to figure out how her life has changed since she had baby number two. How much of the extra work of having children is shared, how much has fallen to her to do. You both work from home - but do you share the responsibilities in the home? Do you try to do things with and for your children, or do you just give up because you see them as clingy?

If you had two children that were clingy to you, and your partner did as much (or as little) as you do, would you still feel attracted to them?

How much time to you both get to spend doing things for yourselves, whether that's in or out of the house?

I don't know if that's where the answer lies for you - but I know it's where the answer lies for quite a few couples. She ends up tired and resentful because his life doesn't change nearly as much post children as hers has.

Worth considering.

I’m curious to hear what her reasons for not wanting to have sexual intimacy are. Have you not had an open and honest discussion with her about it?

I think maybe a rigid timetabled arrangement might be the best you're going to get here whilst the kids are young.

What about having an honest chat and seeing if you could get a once weekly sex evening - say on a Friday/Saturday you agree to put your phones off, kids in bed. You're going to do a fancy meal, bottle of wine and have a cuddly night where intimacy is expected!

It might be that she rejects your advances because she doesn't want them to lead to sex - whereas she might feel more comfortable knowing that a snog on Monday is going to stop at that and she can get herself more in the mood for the timetabled night.

Of course you could dot it all about the calendar rather than having a set routine but, if you have a conversation and let her know this is important to you, she might be comfortable with a less spontaneous arrangement and, who knows, she might even get to enjoy her intimate evenings with you.

Do be sure to have a conversation though and see if you can come up with a solution. I haven't tried this timetable thing myself but i have heard of it working for other couples and i know, when my own kids were young, sometimes i did stop my DH getting too close as i just was not in the mood for full sex.

She doesn't get to just unilaterally decide you're living a life without sex.
This has been a long standing problem so can't just be blamed on babies.

You would be more than right to force the discussion with no wishy washy pandering.

But honestly, you've got 1 life I would absolutly put divorce on the table.

Pay attention to what her life is like. Is she the one doing everything for the kids and everything around the house? You need to be honest with yourself. Do you actually contribute more than just financially? If the kids just want her, what can you do to keep the house running. If you are just another person she has to look after, she won’t find you attractive.

Have you sat down with her and just asked her about it? Honest conversation?

What's your home setup? Is she looking after the children constantly? It's really easy for life to become a miserable drudgery when you're stuck looking after young children and doing the housework. It's both difficult and boring at the same time and it gets you down.

You're going to have to make peace with celibacy because it sounds like she's not interested in sex. The alternative is to split up; most people don't manage open relationships.