Ex wants to take DD away for Xmas

Oh well that sounds as though it's job done! I'm not sure I would have taken her away last Christmas if that meant he didn't see her for a week - I wouldn't want that to happen to me so I wouldn't do it in return.

YANBU

Well, apart from your feelings, the thing about what he was planning was that it sounded like a sure-fire way to alienate himself from his DD, and make her even less keen to spend time with him.

No.

She shouldn't be missing school and he shouldn't be having the entire Christmas holiday.

Also, to take a child abroad, you need to get written permission for the exact place that you are going from all people with parental responsibility. That applies to both of you.

Just say no. He can have the usual week.

Ignore it - he's guilt tripping you.

You need to get you need to get some proper boundaries in place.

First, apply to the CMS today, go for the middle option it costs a small one off admin fee they review his earnings every year and send him the payment plan and he sets up the standing order.

Second, if contact isn't working right now and he is making demands go to court to get it written down. Whatever works for DD so birthdays and Christmases alternated we did 12 noon Christmas eve - 12 noon boxing day, but you could do Week 1 and Week 2 same for Easter, half of all school holidays either split a week each so you always have May, he has February and you split October (because children are always ill for that one), parental birthday and Mother's / father's day spent with relevant parent. Once you have the formal guidance in place you can be flexible but revert back to it.

If she's spent all Christmases with you. I'd give him Christmas day to Boxing day morning. No way would I agree to a term time holiday over Christmas where she gets no time with me at all.

@saraclara

There isn't one on the app.

You must have the patience of a saint to co-parent with this twat. No presents for Christmas? Expecting you to agree to zero contact over Xmas and new year? Well done for keeping your cool, I'm not sure I'd be able to.

Legally neither of you can take the DC abroad without the other's permission.

If he went to court for permission he would likely get it (family break, no intent to remove from jurisdiction etc) BUT I suspect it would be unlikely he got 17 days or the time out of school.

If it is a fun holiday and she would want to do it, then I would have no issues with him taking her over Christmas and new year. But I would not be ok with the missing school part. What is it he wants to do that needs so long? It does make it a bit odd.

There is an edit button. Click on the three dots on the top right of your post, and it's there (if using a browser... Not sure where it is on the app)

I had a friend whose dh was an alcoholic, they lived abroad and she finally managed to move back to the UK with her dc.
The deal was that the dc flew to her df every Christmas, unfortunately the dc’s birthday was 2 days before Christmas.
My friend didn’t see her dd on her birthday or Christmas for several years.

Life’s tough for single mums. And so many df’s just do the Disney bit while the mum does the real parenting.

The school issue id refuse point black simply for this reason, as you BOTH would be fined for him taking her out of school.

can’t (why still no edit button. Grumble grumble)

My DH did actually loose our DS’s passport and have to apply for another one (and I wasn’t going to sort it as I wasn’t the muppet that left it on the plane). He reported it lost online. However, when he applied for the new one, the passport office needed a letter from me to confirm I was in agreement. (Can remember the exact term). So there is some safety net.

@Eastie77Returns

Yes thank you.

I'm not saying it's a good choice and women shouldn't leave. I know most won't agree either me. Our situation is different as I don't see him every day.

No, dear. Re-read the OP and try again.

She said she took her for a week and he had new year. He's proposing to take her for 2 weeks over Christmas and new year.

Just say one week max (Christmas or new year) and no missing school. I suspect he's found a good deal somewhere if he's not a dual citizen, do check his destination too in case there's another solution like you travel to the same place, works for some ex's (my friend went to Florida with her ex, they weren't together much, but dc really appreciated them being able to get along

He wants to take her away for Christmas and new year whereas they each usually have one or the other.

So it’s ok for you to take her away for a week over Christmas but not him?

I think that’s what the poster means by ‘cheating and abuse aside’, i.e. those are the two circumstances under which she would leave. Otherwise, she would stay in an unsatisfactory marriage to avoid the situation the OP is in. I know two women who have made the same decision, one of whom has agreed with their husband that they will formally split when the children are a bit older.