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New nursery, unexpectedly high fees and an unreasonable manager

235 replies

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 22:58

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged. I chose the new nursery because the owner’s child was friends with mine, and I wanted to try their new Montessori program as I’d heard good things about it. DC began in September, and after settling in days and a discussion about fees and policies, I paid a deposit to secure the spot.

Although I’d previously informed the manager DC was eligible for 15 funded hours she only explained that due to the Montessori curriculum they require kids attend a minimum of 20 hours. I was happy to do this as I’d always wanted DC to do more than 15 but the old nursery didn’t allow this for term time only students. We agreed that DC would attend 4 half days a week 8am - 1pm. The manager recommend the morning slot citing a more structured curriculum in the morning and I accepted what I thought was her professional opinion.

After the third settling-in day, the manager informed me I’d be receiving an invoice. Later that day I received an invoice for September fees, due that same day. Surprised, as I hadn’t expected a payment so soon, I planned to clarify this with her the following week. When she later confirmed it was correct, I explained I wasn’t prepared for this payment. She accepted a partial payment, with the balance paid the following week.

Shortly after, my schedule changed, so I asked if DC could switch from the 8am - 1pm slot to the 1 pm - 6 pm slot. The manager told me they only offered 8 am - 1 pm or 8 am - 6 pm slots, which was confusing since I recalled her mentioning both. Still, I agreed to three full days instead of 4 half days to keep my course schedule since my sister agreed to assist with payment and I’d get reimbursement from UC.

One week later, and one week to the due date I received an invoice for three full days, with payment due by Oct 1. Unable to pay in full right away, I made a partial payment and arranged a meeting at the Job Centre for assistance. By Oct 1, the manager emailed me at 4 am about the balance. I explained that I was actively working on it, yet she continued to pressure me for payment, even calling during nursery hours without updating me on DC’s well-being.

After my meeting at the Job Centre she coincidentally called me I explained I’d just left but was busy and would need to get back in contact with her. She ignored what I said and proceeded to threaten to suspend my child although she’d received partial payment for the month and is in receipt of 15 funded hours from the government. Due to this call I performed terribly in my telephone interview.

When I finally arranged the grant, I needed the nursery manager’s signature. She asked unnecessary questions, took a copy of my form without consent, and kept demanding confirmation of payment, despite clear evidence it would go directly to her account. I expressed my dissatisfaction but had to rush back to the Job Centre to ensure the payment would be processed that day to avoid losing DC’s space.

Afterward, I requested a meeting to provide feedback. The manager was defensive, reluctantly admitted to miscommunications but wouldn’t offer any flexibility for future payments, despite the unexpected costs I’d incurred. Additionally, she hadn’t given me a copy of the contract initially, which stated both session options, including 1 pm - 6 pm was on offer. The payment due date was also buried in a long paragraph, which I missed. Please note she didn’t state the afternoon slot was unavailable because the nursery was full either she just changed the policy without communicating it to parents.

Following this experience, I left a review detailing my concerns. Since then, the manager has been passive-aggressive toward both me and my sister, who occasionally picks up DC. My child has also complained about the manager’s child pushing and hitting them, which concerns me as I worry the child isn’t disciplined due to the staff’s connection to the manager.

OP posts:
Appleblum · 13/11/2024 06:12

There's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking out a better nursery for your child. I would be irritated at the nursery manager too as she doesn't seem very organised and then when she suddenly produces an invoice you're expected to pay up immediately. However you also seem to have made many assumptions on your end which have not helped, and it really wasn't the best decision to leave a bad review when your child is still in their care! You may have been absolutely honest and truthful but these people are taking care of your child, are you sure you want to be on bad terms with them if you could help it?

ThatCosyKoala · 13/11/2024 06:11

I can see from your post the nursery’s manager has really tried to work around you but you also don’t seem to realise they have to be paid and if everyone is late to pay them how would they pay their staff? I’m not sure if you asked for the fees before hand because this is something you should do as nursery fees can vary quite a lot. UC childcare element is paid in arrears so you have to have the money before hand. I can see you are having a really hard time at the moment but you also have to understand their point of view that they are running a business and they have to be paid on time.

OrcBytes · 13/11/2024 06:10

Just adding my agreement that this is absolutely not a Montessori nursery.

What is it that makes you think learning phonics and writing at this age is a good thing? What are you basing this idea off?

TimeForATerf · 13/11/2024 06:04

SunriseMonsters · 13/11/2024 02:05

This is the first nursery that requires payment in advance in my experience.

I have never heard of a nursery that doesn't bill monthly in advance.

You have just joined and you didn't pay the first invoice despite being chased, then asked to change the agreed hours which they accommodated, then you complained about the manager and didn't pay the second invoice on time either, then you followed this up writing a negative review about the nursery online and now you're surprised they're not being overly friendly to you?

I agree.

Bloody hell I paid my nursery fees in advance 30 years ago!

3luckystars · 13/11/2024 06:03

I’d say she just wants rid of you. What are you going to do ? Is there another nursery you could use nearby? I’d be looking around now. Good luck.

WhatILoved · 13/11/2024 05:26

Childminder here. I don't know any nursery or childcare provider that would dream of operating in arrears. We already have to accept funding in arrears (in my borough) which is bad enough. It might have happened in the past but unfortunately some parents can't be trusted to pay. Taking payment in advance means we can turn children away if you've not paid instead of working a full month and not get paid. I have a set of parents who consistently pay late and it drives me crazy. I can't pay my bills late and neither can a nursery.

I do teach phonics to preschoolers that are interested and ready and if they enjoy it. So did the private nursery my own children attended years ago. I think most providers work with a few philosophies including Montessori.

freddyfluffball · 13/11/2024 05:08

Private nurseries don't tend to teach phonics or writing in my experience. They are there for childcare really. I think you need some sort of prep school.

LoudSnoringDog · 13/11/2024 04:57

TheHoneyMonster82 · 12/11/2024 23:09

As soon as I read that your child ‘wasn’t being challenged enough’ in nursery I knew you were being unreasonable. . .

Same.

Moulook31 · 13/11/2024 04:28

Phonics and writing skills in nursery. Mine learnt to play and socialise.

Bournetilly · 13/11/2024 04:27

Of course you need to pay the fees upfront, I’m sure it’s like this at any nursery. If you couldn’t afford it straight away you should of discussed this prior to her starting.

She doesn’t need to learn phonics in nursery, they will start from the beginning and go over everything again at school anyway as most children won’t have learnt it.

Just find her a nursery where she’s happy.

ProfessionalPirate · 13/11/2024 04:14

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:56

Are you here to provide anything constructive or to be antagonistic?

I did comprehend the contract, the issue is key details were not included allowing the manager to change policies whenever she feels.

Did the policy state that parents were entitled to completely change their child’s attendance pattern without any prior consultation and the nursery would have to just suck it up even if inconvenient to them? Thought not.

Just because they might theoretically offer something doesn’t mean you can demand it. You will have signed a contract that agreed your morning sessions, and they have probably arranged their staff rotas accordingly. They are not obliged to allow changes.

supersonicginandtonic · 13/11/2024 04:13

I used to run my own nursery and parents like you, who didn't pay their fees on time, often meant I had to pay my staff from my own savings or they wouldn't have been paid.

In regards to phonics, is he being taught in the same way as the school you intend to send him too? If not it will not be helping him at all, as he may need to learn all over again, in a different style which will be very confusing for him.

Ownyourchoices · 13/11/2024 03:55

TheHoneyMonster82 · 12/11/2024 23:09

As soon as I read that your child ‘wasn’t being challenged enough’ in nursery I knew you were being unreasonable. . .

same train of thought here

HomeTheatreSystem · 13/11/2024 03:52

You signed a contract but didn't read it properly and are now saying there are things you didn't know that have now caused issues and which were specified in the contract? Contracts are not fun reading material but if you choose not to read them before signing you have only yourself to blame. She may verbally have told you one thing but you heard something else and vice versa. The contract is all you can rely on.

Gonegirl7 · 13/11/2024 03:48

You sound demanding, difficult, deluded and unrealistic.

i would be surprised if many nurseries don’t expect payment in advance, ours certainly did.

who leaves a bad review for a service they are currently using?!?! Just plain dim

HildaHosmede · 13/11/2024 03:23

You sound like absolute headwork and I expect you have thoroughly pissed them off.

In your shoes now, I'd be scouting out alternative providers in case they give you notice that your dc's space is being withdrawn.

FormerTeacher · 13/11/2024 03:20

To echo @SeriouslyWhataMess and @Agapornis, this does not sound like a Montessori setting. A structured timetable (as you write about happening 8-1) is not in keeping with the ethos at all, nor is the concept that it would be more Montessori-focussed at one time of day than another, as if they dip in and out of it and keep some pretty wooden toys on shelves for good measure. A true Montessori nursery would have Montessori principles embedded at absolutely all times, and although activities and curricula are very carefully prepared by staff, there would not be a structured timetable of group activities and everything would be child-led on an individual level. A child would learn phonics when they were naturally ready and interested in the phonics-related materials.

If you want a Montessori setting, look for a fully accredited one with teachers qualified through a nationally or internationally recognised and respected body (not an online course somewhere, or nothing at all). Unfortunately in the UK the term is not protected and anyone can choose to use it.

I was also concerned to read the nursery owner’s child attends the setting; though this isn’t wrong per se, many settings have scrupulous policies stating staff members’ children should not attend (for various reasons, but including bias and distraction which could be the case if your child is indeed having run-ins with the manager’s child which are not being dealt with neutrally).

I believe Montessori education is excellent. However, if you are wanting structure and early teaching of whole group Phonics, have you considered a pre school may be more in line with your ideas of what you want for your child? It would be more flexible about the free hours too.

In any case:

  • this is difficult for you to afford, and it’s not sustainable or acceptable to keep delaying partial payments, not to mention stressful for you
  • rapport is gone and probably hard to rebuild
  • if you want Montessori, this isn’t it anyway
  • are you sure a true a Montessori setting can deliver what you envisage for your child? Preschool is likely a better fit in terms of this

Edit to add: do take time to read up on Montessori philosophy and methodologies. In my opinion, it is one of the best and most holistic foundations you could have, not only for school but more importantly for life. My comments about a preschool perhaps being more in line with your current thinking do not represent my own view on what I personally think (I would choose a true Montessori setting over this).

Best of luck.

GoodieMcTwoshoes · 13/11/2024 02:49

Never write a negative review or public post to a group (assuming that's what you did) about someone/somewhere until you've left. :) At least not without anonymising details. You will have to really charm them now if you want to make the relationship you have with them ok.

But the place sounds like it's trying to be all things to all men- Hippy pseudoscience and hothousing at the same time. Mind you you said you were after both too when they're not really compatible.

They shouldn't have to be getting partial payments. They're doing you a favour there.

And they can change the rest of the hours they run that your child isn't present for whenever without mentioning it to you, as long as it doesn't effect what you officially signed on the dotted line for.

Your circumstances have changed and this place now doesn't suit your commitments and budget.

It's worth making sure you know the details of payments for anything you sign up for of any kind.

Saying they couldn't predict what the payments are going to be each month is hatstand unless they can give you a list of the payments that it'll be for each particular month when you sign up.

CecilyP · 13/11/2024 02:24

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

Yes, I certainly do think it’s too unreasonable! There is no need to prepare them for school by already trying to do what they will doing at school at a more appropriate age. And describing pre-schoolers as ‘students’ is crazy!

SunriseMonsters · 13/11/2024 02:05

This is the first nursery that requires payment in advance in my experience.

I have never heard of a nursery that doesn't bill monthly in advance.

You have just joined and you didn't pay the first invoice despite being chased, then asked to change the agreed hours which they accommodated, then you complained about the manager and didn't pay the second invoice on time either, then you followed this up writing a negative review about the nursery online and now you're surprised they're not being overly friendly to you?

TheDeepLemonHelper · 13/11/2024 01:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Agapornis · 13/11/2024 01:10

Fwiw I grew up in a European education system that doesn't start formal language teaching until age 6. That's the third year of school - state schooling starts at age 4. I was very curious about reading and writing (lots of 'mum, what does that say?') so my mum taught me that from age 4-5. I was a pretty good reader by age 6. You can do similar with your child. Teach in your time together so it stays fun.

forgotmypassagain · 13/11/2024 01:08

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

Why does a 3 year old need to know phonics? Also wouldnt a Montessori nursery shy away from teaching this at 3 years old?

let them be nursery kids! There’s time enough for formal learning at school.

tellmesomethingtrue · 13/11/2024 01:06

Welcome to the world of nursery fees, wraparound care, sports clubs and after school clubs - all have to be paid for in advance.

SeriouslyWhataMess · 13/11/2024 01:03

Singlemommy2024 · 13/11/2024 00:56

I can’t edit but earlier I wrote the nursery is accredited. I meant to write that it isn’t.

I didn't think so. If you want your child to have a Montessori education, send them to an accredited setting and pay your fees.

Please font publicly claim that this is a Montessori nursery. It isn't, nor is it following a "Montessori curriculum".

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