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New nursery, unexpectedly high fees and an unreasonable manager

235 replies

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 22:58

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged. I chose the new nursery because the owner’s child was friends with mine, and I wanted to try their new Montessori program as I’d heard good things about it. DC began in September, and after settling in days and a discussion about fees and policies, I paid a deposit to secure the spot.

Although I’d previously informed the manager DC was eligible for 15 funded hours she only explained that due to the Montessori curriculum they require kids attend a minimum of 20 hours. I was happy to do this as I’d always wanted DC to do more than 15 but the old nursery didn’t allow this for term time only students. We agreed that DC would attend 4 half days a week 8am - 1pm. The manager recommend the morning slot citing a more structured curriculum in the morning and I accepted what I thought was her professional opinion.

After the third settling-in day, the manager informed me I’d be receiving an invoice. Later that day I received an invoice for September fees, due that same day. Surprised, as I hadn’t expected a payment so soon, I planned to clarify this with her the following week. When she later confirmed it was correct, I explained I wasn’t prepared for this payment. She accepted a partial payment, with the balance paid the following week.

Shortly after, my schedule changed, so I asked if DC could switch from the 8am - 1pm slot to the 1 pm - 6 pm slot. The manager told me they only offered 8 am - 1 pm or 8 am - 6 pm slots, which was confusing since I recalled her mentioning both. Still, I agreed to three full days instead of 4 half days to keep my course schedule since my sister agreed to assist with payment and I’d get reimbursement from UC.

One week later, and one week to the due date I received an invoice for three full days, with payment due by Oct 1. Unable to pay in full right away, I made a partial payment and arranged a meeting at the Job Centre for assistance. By Oct 1, the manager emailed me at 4 am about the balance. I explained that I was actively working on it, yet she continued to pressure me for payment, even calling during nursery hours without updating me on DC’s well-being.

After my meeting at the Job Centre she coincidentally called me I explained I’d just left but was busy and would need to get back in contact with her. She ignored what I said and proceeded to threaten to suspend my child although she’d received partial payment for the month and is in receipt of 15 funded hours from the government. Due to this call I performed terribly in my telephone interview.

When I finally arranged the grant, I needed the nursery manager’s signature. She asked unnecessary questions, took a copy of my form without consent, and kept demanding confirmation of payment, despite clear evidence it would go directly to her account. I expressed my dissatisfaction but had to rush back to the Job Centre to ensure the payment would be processed that day to avoid losing DC’s space.

Afterward, I requested a meeting to provide feedback. The manager was defensive, reluctantly admitted to miscommunications but wouldn’t offer any flexibility for future payments, despite the unexpected costs I’d incurred. Additionally, she hadn’t given me a copy of the contract initially, which stated both session options, including 1 pm - 6 pm was on offer. The payment due date was also buried in a long paragraph, which I missed. Please note she didn’t state the afternoon slot was unavailable because the nursery was full either she just changed the policy without communicating it to parents.

Following this experience, I left a review detailing my concerns. Since then, the manager has been passive-aggressive toward both me and my sister, who occasionally picks up DC. My child has also complained about the manager’s child pushing and hitting them, which concerns me as I worry the child isn’t disciplined due to the staff’s connection to the manager.

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 13/11/2024 07:51

Yabu. You need to pay for childcare your child uses. These fees need to be paid upfront. I'm shocked the Nursery let you not pay twice. You also mucking them around moving the time you needed. Most nurseries couldn't accommodate that as they fully booked with long waiting lists. Nursery should be play based especially the one you have chosen.

Mulhollandmagoo · 13/11/2024 07:50

tellmesomethingtrue · 13/11/2024 01:06

Welcome to the world of nursery fees, wraparound care, sports clubs and after school clubs - all have to be paid for in advance.

Agreed, my daughters wrap around care is paid up front, as was her childminder before she started school, it's so people can't just leave or not turn up and then try and get out of paying any fees owed.

YABU OP, you've missed payments, left a public poor review and not read your contract properly before you signed it, so whilst the manager sounds like a bit of a nightmare, you haven't exactly been easy to deal with for her either.

It sounds like you left a really good nursery for no good reason really, phonics is taught in reception at school and my daughter absolutely flew having never done any work on phonics before school. I'm not fully up to speed on the Montessori ideology but I thought they would actively discourage learning in any formal way, and was very child led, this nursery sounds like it's the absolute opposite to a Montessori setting.

Spirallingdownwards · 13/11/2024 07:48

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:51

They sing songs and play games that teach them phonics and writing. Personally I’m happier with that approach than a nursery that doesn’t encourage educational play.

I can appreciate that some nurseries might not incorporate these things and it isn’t a requirement for them to do so but this really isn’t my pressing point. For one, I’ve lost the space at the old nursery so can’t go back even though I’d like to.

I fully expect you'll be given notice at this setting too given that if all your convoluted explanation about how you messed them around terribly with regard to hours etc is very identifiable.

hamsandyams · 13/11/2024 07:46

I find it interesting the OP has doubled down on her complaints about admin and costs in the comments, even said she’s happy with the child care / teaching / and not once reiterated that her child says he is being pushed and hit at nursery, which is surely the HUGE issue here.

It’s almost like that bit was made up to make it sound worse…

mitogoshigg · 13/11/2024 07:44

Generally fees are paid in advance, so of course they got grumpy when you didn't pay. Also not everywhere has term time only because funny enough staff need to work year round, you are fortunate they were able to accommodate

redskydarknight · 13/11/2024 07:44

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:35

I was happy to wait the notice period to change, that isn’t my issue.

My issue is that she sold me on a nursery that offers 2 sessions a day morning or afternoon. Only once I needed the afternoon session was I told they no longer offer it. Not because they don’t have capacity either but because she just decided to stop because of this I was forced to change to 3 full days instead.

You are aware that even if the nursery offered afternoon sessions, you would not necessarily be able to swap to one as it suited you? So, choosing a nursery on this basis was always a bad idea.

Most people don't chop and change their nursery hours like you've been doing. They go with one pattern all the way through, or they change once with a lot of notice.

Tumbleweed101 · 13/11/2024 07:43

Most nurseries require fees in advance rather than in arrears so they can plan staffing and ratios.

Stretched funding is now more usual than term time as more parents are working but it should be based on 38 weeks and easy enough to work out fees for both types.

Nurseries often have funded and non funding hours in the day so you may need to clarify with the nursery which is which. Full days may well have quite a few non funded hours.

We are more flexible with payment dates with parents claiming UC though as we know getting payment from them is in arrears. This is a private arrangement with those parents who have discussed it with us though.

Gazelda · 13/11/2024 07:43

OP, you're obviously juggling lots priorities at the moment. Work, studies, money, child, singe parenthood.

I sympathise, but I hope you see from these replies that you're expectations have been off kilter and you're approach has been counter-productive.

You seem confrontational and entitled. And I can't believe you've left a negative review. Did you honestly think that was going to be helpful to you and your DC?

The nursery manager is trying to run a business that gives children a great start in life. They want happy children and parents.

I urge you to re-set your expectations and approach before your DC starts school. You've got a lot of years in the education system. It goes a heck of a lot better if you try to work with the school team and any wrap around provider.

CountryGirlInTheCity · 13/11/2024 07:41

The previous nursery was almost certainly teaching phonics and writing skills just not in a way you may recognise. There’s a whole
raft of knowledge and skills that come before recognising and replicating letters and that’s what nursery is for. For reading it’s all about discerning sounds…did they sing songs (not phonic songs), play musical instruments, play games with animal sounds etc etc? There’s also far more to reading than phonics - were books enjoyed and shared every day and did children have free access to self-select books in their play? Regarding writing, was there plenty of gross motor play equipment so that children could strengthen the muscles in their neck, shoulders, upper arms, elbows etc? Was there fine motor play on offer? Activities that encouraged picking things up in different ways, mark making using different materials, hands and tools? If so, they were already doing everything a reception teacher could wish for!
I used to teach reception and one of the biggest barriers to learning was children who hadn’t had enough gross and fine motor play and so didn’t have the physical skills needed for pre-writing, the other was children who’d been made to attempt writing with pencils too early. You can have all the letter recognition in the world but unless you have the sounds skills to blend them together you will struggle
to read using phonics and if your muscles have not developed the strength to feel comfortable holding writing tools you won’t progress in writing. Worse than that, when children are pushed to do it before they’re ready they are put off and it’s really hard to get them enthused again for the long haul. A play-based early years really is the absolute gold standard for children. It’s what they need and how they thrive best.

NestaArcheron · 13/11/2024 07:38

The fact you weren't prepared for the first payment is your own fault, it would have been clear that you pay in advance - and written in the contract/paperwork before your child started.

You have insufficient notice to change your slot - they didn't have spaces in the afternoon a lot therefore saying they could only provide all day was correct.

All of your issues with Interviews and the job centre is not the nursery's problem. Your bad performance is down to you, not them.

You signed up for a service that you were not prepared to pay for, and it is down to you to ensure you understand when you need to pay. They should not be chasing you for payment constantly, and you should not be making partial payments several times. They've been extremely accommodating to allow this.

Complaining about them online was silly - it's all down to your misjudgment, and inability to pay for services your child is using.

You are one hundred percent unreasonable in this situation.

ChampagneLassie · 13/11/2024 07:36

You sound like a nightmare and I’m surprised they’ve not asked you to leave. Most nursery require payment in advance, ours take a direct debit on around 25th for the forthcoming month and we had to pay a deposit of around £500 to secure the place. It’s people like you messing them around that probably is why they have to have high deposits. I imagine this nursery manager will introduce such a policy. They’re running on really tight margins, they can’t afford for you not to pay their fees and you’ve probably cost them even more with all your changes.

JamesBlonde007 · 13/11/2024 07:31

If I’ve read this correctly;

  1. YOU signed up for morning sessions 8-1, 5 hours x 4 days = 20 hours. 15 government paid, you owe 5.
  2. YOU didn’t read your T&Cs and were then surprised by payment requirement so YOU didn’t pay on time. Nursery accepted a partial payment (which they do not have to do!).
  3. YOUR schedule then changed (which requires 4 weeks notice in the contract)
  4. PM sessions were no longer available so YOU instead chose to do 3 full days. 8-6, 10 hours x 3 days = 30 hours. 15 government paid, you owe 15. I resent the use of the word “forced” in your explanation, nobody forced you to do anything.
  5. By this point another invoice arrived, and it was naturally for higher costs
  6. YOU didn’t have the funds and AGAIN didn’t pay on time
  7. YOU then publicly slandered the nursery in an online review.
  8. You’re now aghast that the manager is acting passive aggressively towards you and are also trying to imply her child lacks discipline.
  9. But, of course, it’s all the nurseries fault!

You really are that nightmare parent!

The lack of self-awareness is astounding here.
If I was the manager I’d be serving you notice and wishing you on your merry way.

TH1NG1E · 13/11/2024 07:30

The issue here seems to be that you put your child in a nursery place that you couldn't afford. Of course you pay straight away for these things, nursery staff need their wages.

Whatsitreallylike · 13/11/2024 07:27

Send her back to her old nursery. Your reasons for leaving were silly. You don’t remove a settled happy child from a childcare setting because they’re not being ‘challenged’. Your DC is now unhappy. Move back

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 13/11/2024 07:26

YABU, you need to pay in advance not behind, most nurseries have this policy in place.

CrazyGoatLady · 13/11/2024 07:25

You left them a bad review when you owed them money? Yeah, I wouldn't want to deal with you either. Parents like you are why I was always wary of going into private practice as a child and family psych.

You get what you pay for. If you want your child to be "challenged" and do school prep, then you have to pay for a pre school environment that employs properly qualified early years teaching staff to deliver more structured education rather than a play-based, child-led nursery that's more childcare than education. And that costs more money. As you have now found out. It doesn't come on the cheap.

McCheck · 13/11/2024 07:24

People are being harsh on you OP. Good luck I hope you find a solution. Sounds like you’re creating a good life for your DC

FriendlyFriend · 13/11/2024 07:21

This is why i used a childminder. The nursery i viewed talked about money a lot vs care given. They were also inflexible on hours/days. I didnt like it.

Soontobe60 · 13/11/2024 07:21

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

She’s in a nursery, where children are cared for whilst their parents work. It’s not a school where children go to be educated. I’d be a bit meh if my toddler was being fed a diet of phonics and writing skills at 3 years old. I’d want her to play in the water tray, learn to ride a bike, develop fine motor skills by cutting and sticking, play in the role play area with her friends, have snacks, listen to stories.
I would also expect to pay invoices for childcare on time and in full. It sounds like the manager is spending an unreasonable amount of time chasing parents who won’t pay their fees!

nancyclancy123 · 13/11/2024 07:21

TheHoneyMonster82 · 12/11/2024 23:09

As soon as I read that your child ‘wasn’t being challenged enough’ in nursery I knew you were being unreasonable. . .

Me too!!

BarbadosItsCloserThanYouThink · 13/11/2024 07:19

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

You have the incorrect expectations of.a nursery. Phonics and writing are taught at school. It’s great if a child can recognise their
own name when they start school but that is all.

Zippedydodah · 13/11/2024 07:18

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:51

They sing songs and play games that teach them phonics and writing. Personally I’m happier with that approach than a nursery that doesn’t encourage educational play.

I can appreciate that some nurseries might not incorporate these things and it isn’t a requirement for them to do so but this really isn’t my pressing point. For one, I’ve lost the space at the old nursery so can’t go back even though I’d like to.

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged
……this really isn’t my pressing point. For one, I’ve lost the space at the old nursery so can’t go back even though I’d like to
Which is it? You didn’t like the first nursery, you gave up your child’s place so you can hardly complain about it.
This nursery isn’t at fault, you are.

Gogodonu · 13/11/2024 07:17

My nursery bills you for the month ahead. So on the 1st December payment is due for childcare to be provided in December.

1AngelicFruitCake · 13/11/2024 07:10

If you want more formal learning you need to use a school nursery.
They can't accept half payments, they'll need it in full I don't think she was being unfair asking for that.

Butchyrestingface · 13/11/2024 07:10

Agree with everyone else that OP sounds like the nightmare in this situation. However, I imagine after leaving negative reviews, her child will be getting its marching orders soon enough so the situation will resolve itself.

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