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AIBU?

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New nursery, unexpectedly high fees and an unreasonable manager

235 replies

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 22:58

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged. I chose the new nursery because the owner’s child was friends with mine, and I wanted to try their new Montessori program as I’d heard good things about it. DC began in September, and after settling in days and a discussion about fees and policies, I paid a deposit to secure the spot.

Although I’d previously informed the manager DC was eligible for 15 funded hours she only explained that due to the Montessori curriculum they require kids attend a minimum of 20 hours. I was happy to do this as I’d always wanted DC to do more than 15 but the old nursery didn’t allow this for term time only students. We agreed that DC would attend 4 half days a week 8am - 1pm. The manager recommend the morning slot citing a more structured curriculum in the morning and I accepted what I thought was her professional opinion.

After the third settling-in day, the manager informed me I’d be receiving an invoice. Later that day I received an invoice for September fees, due that same day. Surprised, as I hadn’t expected a payment so soon, I planned to clarify this with her the following week. When she later confirmed it was correct, I explained I wasn’t prepared for this payment. She accepted a partial payment, with the balance paid the following week.

Shortly after, my schedule changed, so I asked if DC could switch from the 8am - 1pm slot to the 1 pm - 6 pm slot. The manager told me they only offered 8 am - 1 pm or 8 am - 6 pm slots, which was confusing since I recalled her mentioning both. Still, I agreed to three full days instead of 4 half days to keep my course schedule since my sister agreed to assist with payment and I’d get reimbursement from UC.

One week later, and one week to the due date I received an invoice for three full days, with payment due by Oct 1. Unable to pay in full right away, I made a partial payment and arranged a meeting at the Job Centre for assistance. By Oct 1, the manager emailed me at 4 am about the balance. I explained that I was actively working on it, yet she continued to pressure me for payment, even calling during nursery hours without updating me on DC’s well-being.

After my meeting at the Job Centre she coincidentally called me I explained I’d just left but was busy and would need to get back in contact with her. She ignored what I said and proceeded to threaten to suspend my child although she’d received partial payment for the month and is in receipt of 15 funded hours from the government. Due to this call I performed terribly in my telephone interview.

When I finally arranged the grant, I needed the nursery manager’s signature. She asked unnecessary questions, took a copy of my form without consent, and kept demanding confirmation of payment, despite clear evidence it would go directly to her account. I expressed my dissatisfaction but had to rush back to the Job Centre to ensure the payment would be processed that day to avoid losing DC’s space.

Afterward, I requested a meeting to provide feedback. The manager was defensive, reluctantly admitted to miscommunications but wouldn’t offer any flexibility for future payments, despite the unexpected costs I’d incurred. Additionally, she hadn’t given me a copy of the contract initially, which stated both session options, including 1 pm - 6 pm was on offer. The payment due date was also buried in a long paragraph, which I missed. Please note she didn’t state the afternoon slot was unavailable because the nursery was full either she just changed the policy without communicating it to parents.

Following this experience, I left a review detailing my concerns. Since then, the manager has been passive-aggressive toward both me and my sister, who occasionally picks up DC. My child has also complained about the manager’s child pushing and hitting them, which concerns me as I worry the child isn’t disciplined due to the staff’s connection to the manager.

OP posts:
AngelinaFibres · 13/11/2024 08:53

Singlemommy2024 · 13/11/2024 00:02

I’ve never paid for services that haven’t been rendered.

You can’t compare childcare to the grocery store as you receive your items on the spot. If I take my car to get serviced I pay once they’ve completed the work on my vehicle. If I get my hair done I pay at then end of the treatment. If my child has not attended the setting yet I haven’t received the service so would not expect to pay until the end of the month.

Grocery store. Are you American? Are you in the UK.

queenMab99 · 13/11/2024 08:47

Saying your child is not being challenged doesn't mean that OP is a pushy mum, if a child is bored in nursery, they often keep themselves busy with 'naughty' behaviour, and I think she is wise to change nurseries. OP is working part time and attending courses to improve her prospects, whilst also doing her best for her child's education and well being. She is getting a lot of undeserved criticism on here, working part time and receiving UC doesn't mean mothers have to give up on their aspirations, and put up with whatever crap is presented to them.

Highlandfandango · 13/11/2024 08:44

You wrote a review - presumably negative and online and public - about the nursery while your child was still a new joiner? And then wondered why they were “passive agressive” toward you? Even if it wasn’t public, most people have a series of discussions before moving to writing reviews.

Craftymam · 13/11/2024 08:36

For everyone kicking off about the phonics. I have a 2.5 year old and currently touring primaries. We are being explicitly told by many not to try to teach abcs as we once were and that we need to be using the correct phonic sounds that they use otherwise it actually confuses them.

So lots of nurseries are teaching phonics now. Not in a classroom setting but say they are reading an abc book. They will say sssssss for snake rather than Ess. And won’t teach the traditional Ay, Bee, Cee, Dee songs but instead teach Aaah, bu, cuh?

See I don’t know them which is why lots of nurseries are doing this now in partnership with the primaries programme and are giving parents links to audio files so they can also say the same sounds.

Really need to download those files tbh and have a proper look.

Ocsober · 13/11/2024 08:35

Oh dear @Singlemommy2024 you’ve gotten in a flap about this.

The nursery my children went to had 3 stages - babies, nursery, preschool. In preschool they introduced letter and number recognition and in my mind activities that were way beyond what I expected, e.g., labelling parts of the body, animal lifecycles, period table basics!!! But, they did no formal phonics learning until Reception and wow when they start it’s intense and quick. By Christmas in Reception my children were reading, writing and spelling the basics.

Age 3-4 let your little one play, the rest comes quick and they will thrive when it happens.

ZenNudist · 13/11/2024 08:33

TheHoneyMonster82 · 12/11/2024 23:09

As soon as I read that your child ‘wasn’t being challenged enough’ in nursery I knew you were being unreasonable. . .

This

m00rfarm · 13/11/2024 08:30

Montessori is always more expensive than standard nurseries (or was many years ago). Everyone knew that. Has it changed?

redskydarknight · 13/11/2024 08:29

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:41

This is the first nursery that requires payment in advance in my experience.

I hold my hands up for overlooking this in the contract but stand by it could have been made clearer, especially since we had a verbal discussion about the fees and it was never mentioned payment would be required right away.

How many nurseries do you have experience of? If you are chopping and changing every few months, that will have more impact on your DC than not formally learning phonics.

For future reference when your DD starts school you will need to find money in advance for any clubs she goes to and also things like school trips. You might also have to pre-order and pay for uniform long before DD actually needs it. Paying for services after the fact is really not the norm.

Wolfpa · 13/11/2024 08:26

It sounds as if this is a case of your eyes being bigger than your belly.

both sides have now lost confidence in each other you can’t afford what they are offering it’s time to cut your losses and find somewhere else.

Superworm24 · 13/11/2024 08:23

@Singlemommy2024 how is this new nursery a montessori setting? It sounds completely the opposite. The montessori pedagogy is focused on learning through real world experience and play. The learning should come quite naturally and depend on your child's interests.

Did you do any research before you made this decision?

FanofLeaves · 13/11/2024 08:16

At the heart of this is probably a little girl who was more than happy not being ‘challenged’ at her familiar old nursery. Now she’s had her parent put her into a new one then sound off at the people caring for her, and not pay them on time. It’s not great.

Beekeepingmum · 13/11/2024 08:13

You sound like the sort of parent many nurseries would prefer not to have.

Addictedtohotbaths · 13/11/2024 08:08

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:41

This is the first nursery that requires payment in advance in my experience.

I hold my hands up for overlooking this in the contract but stand by it could have been made clearer, especially since we had a verbal discussion about the fees and it was never mentioned payment would be required right away.

You should have used your comprehension skills.

You sound like a total nightmare and I’d have asked you to leave if it was my nursery.

NissanNancy · 13/11/2024 08:08

I think leaving them a bad review online was not a smart move whilst your child is still attending especially as they are a relatively new business. Unless you are planning on removing your DD I would delete this immediately. This really is not in your child’s interests to be seen to be slating the nursery in public

FanofLeaves · 13/11/2024 08:08

ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood · 13/11/2024 06:47

Parents should be doing that stuff. Why pay someone just to teach your child to dress. They should be toilet trained at home too

well yes obviously but learning how to ask for and use the toilet in a group setting like nursery away from their familiar home environment is a skill honed at nursery! It’s reinforcing skills they learn at home not paying them ‘just to reach your child to dress’. They often are more encouraged to do things for themselves away from home and with their peers.

Rightplace · 13/11/2024 08:05

You have gone from 20 hours that may have been financially manageable (with the 15 free’ hours and their 5 ‘top up’ hours where all nurseries earn their money) to 3 full days which would probably now be 30 hours. Do
you really need this much childcare if it’s unaffordable? Are you planning to work full days? With the age of your child you should be getting the 30 hours which is universal now I think?
Ask your local authority children’s DFE team about the hours you are entitled to. It may be more that 15 but you’re just not getting it offered.
The nursery will be slightly worried because it is a nightmare for them as they do have to have their wording in contracts and funding forms correct and have to openly offer a free place only (which they begrudgingly did 8-11, that would suit no one). The only thing you may be able to remove is the lunch fee if attending for just for am sessions and provide a packed lunch. (their top up fee includes art materials, snack, lunch etc).

I would remove the review you wrote in frustration and try and get them on your side if you’re happy with your child staying there. You could smooth things over with a nice letter but how confusing and frustrating the funding information and contract seemed for everyone.

They also do have to prove that they are giving completely free places (to the LA) have these already been taken? They have to offer at least 1 completely free place without top ups.

Depending on where you live, I’m sure you should be getting 30 hours of funding because of your child’s age. Speak to the LA and ask them what other help is there. Hope you get the full-time work if child is in nursery 3 full days (30hrs).
DC is in a school type of environment which will prepare them for foundation year of school. It’s mainly learning through planned play activities at this age, Ofsted monitor that. Look at their rating and info on Ofsted website to understand what and how well they do that there during the day in depth.

FanofLeaves · 13/11/2024 08:04

Singlemommy2024 · 13/11/2024 00:13

Don’t be obtuse. Have a good day beloved.

Beloved 🤣 honestly.
someone is indeed being obtuse but I don’t think it’s me.

MILLYmo0se · 13/11/2024 08:03

Your child started in September and you were surprised to get an invoice on their 3rd day? When did you think you'd be paying, every service here charges the week or month in advance, did you ask when payment was due.
Just because there was a 1-6pm option available initially doesn't mean that there was going to be a space in it when you decided you wanted it and presumably when they ended it they informed the parents using it, and you were informed when it actually applied to you.
When you changed to full days in September obviously you owed the balance ASAP. I'm assuming the system is different to how your old nursery worked but it's how every place I've been in operates.

BellissimoGecko · 13/11/2024 08:02

TheHoneyMonster82 · 12/11/2024 23:09

As soon as I read that your child ‘wasn’t being challenged enough’ in nursery I knew you were being unreasonable. . .

This!

KeenCat · 13/11/2024 08:01

You've had a lot of harsh but fair feedback already in regards to fees. I agree with others that the structured learning doesn't align to what little I know of Montessori but I'm not an expert.

But I think the nail in the coffin here is the bad review you left. What were you hoping to achieve by leaving this when your child is still attending the setting? Whilst unprofessional, I'm not surprised you're getting the cold shoulder.

I think you have no choice now but to find a now setting and ensure you're clear on the session fees before enrolling.

Gymmum82 · 13/11/2024 08:00

TheHoneyMonster82 · 12/11/2024 23:09

As soon as I read that your child ‘wasn’t being challenged enough’ in nursery I knew you were being unreasonable. . .

100% this

TheHoneyMonster82 · 13/11/2024 07:59

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

Why on earth would a three year old be taught to write? That’s not developmentally appropriate. Let your child be a child. There’s plenty of time for formal education skills, but only a few precious years where they are supported to develop, both physically and socially, through play. Plenty of time for serious stuff later on. Playing IS learning for a three or four year. Play is learning for kids much older than that too.

Bearbookagainandagain · 13/11/2024 07:55

YABU massively. Of course you need to pay nursery fees at the beginning of the period, that bill wasn't a surprise.
And you can't just show up and request for your DC to change slots like that, you make a request (normally with a notice period stated in the t&C's) and they are free to accept or not.

The manager has no confidence you will pay because you've been late twice in 2 months, of course she will contact you to make payment. Partial payment are absolutely not a reasonable alternative, if you can't afford this nursery then pick one who accepts children for the subsidised 15h.

weaselpatrol · 13/11/2024 07:51

PuddlesPityParty · 13/11/2024 07:01

OP, come on. I think you know you’re in the wrong here. Stop changing your story and stop trying to use a thesaurus (I mean “beloved”, come on 🙄). You’re just sounding sillier and more unreasonable by the post.

I was thinking the same with the overuse of comprehend/comprehension “ I comprehended the contract” 😹

cheddercherry · 13/11/2024 07:51

hamsandyams · 13/11/2024 07:46

I find it interesting the OP has doubled down on her complaints about admin and costs in the comments, even said she’s happy with the child care / teaching / and not once reiterated that her child says he is being pushed and hit at nursery, which is surely the HUGE issue here.

It’s almost like that bit was made up to make it sound worse…

Came here to say this. Surely worse than their apparent inability to communicate/ run a business the fact they’re letting their kid smack yours on a daily basis is the largest cause for concern?!

Also phonics before school is generally a NIGHMARE for schools, they largely teach one of two different schemes in England and match up reading books etc to this scheme. If your child is learning this out of order (from a nursery that sounds like they say “yes I can make the sun rain gold for your child”) then it’s a right pain to unpick in reception if not taught correctly.

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