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New nursery, unexpectedly high fees and an unreasonable manager

235 replies

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 22:58

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged. I chose the new nursery because the owner’s child was friends with mine, and I wanted to try their new Montessori program as I’d heard good things about it. DC began in September, and after settling in days and a discussion about fees and policies, I paid a deposit to secure the spot.

Although I’d previously informed the manager DC was eligible for 15 funded hours she only explained that due to the Montessori curriculum they require kids attend a minimum of 20 hours. I was happy to do this as I’d always wanted DC to do more than 15 but the old nursery didn’t allow this for term time only students. We agreed that DC would attend 4 half days a week 8am - 1pm. The manager recommend the morning slot citing a more structured curriculum in the morning and I accepted what I thought was her professional opinion.

After the third settling-in day, the manager informed me I’d be receiving an invoice. Later that day I received an invoice for September fees, due that same day. Surprised, as I hadn’t expected a payment so soon, I planned to clarify this with her the following week. When she later confirmed it was correct, I explained I wasn’t prepared for this payment. She accepted a partial payment, with the balance paid the following week.

Shortly after, my schedule changed, so I asked if DC could switch from the 8am - 1pm slot to the 1 pm - 6 pm slot. The manager told me they only offered 8 am - 1 pm or 8 am - 6 pm slots, which was confusing since I recalled her mentioning both. Still, I agreed to three full days instead of 4 half days to keep my course schedule since my sister agreed to assist with payment and I’d get reimbursement from UC.

One week later, and one week to the due date I received an invoice for three full days, with payment due by Oct 1. Unable to pay in full right away, I made a partial payment and arranged a meeting at the Job Centre for assistance. By Oct 1, the manager emailed me at 4 am about the balance. I explained that I was actively working on it, yet she continued to pressure me for payment, even calling during nursery hours without updating me on DC’s well-being.

After my meeting at the Job Centre she coincidentally called me I explained I’d just left but was busy and would need to get back in contact with her. She ignored what I said and proceeded to threaten to suspend my child although she’d received partial payment for the month and is in receipt of 15 funded hours from the government. Due to this call I performed terribly in my telephone interview.

When I finally arranged the grant, I needed the nursery manager’s signature. She asked unnecessary questions, took a copy of my form without consent, and kept demanding confirmation of payment, despite clear evidence it would go directly to her account. I expressed my dissatisfaction but had to rush back to the Job Centre to ensure the payment would be processed that day to avoid losing DC’s space.

Afterward, I requested a meeting to provide feedback. The manager was defensive, reluctantly admitted to miscommunications but wouldn’t offer any flexibility for future payments, despite the unexpected costs I’d incurred. Additionally, she hadn’t given me a copy of the contract initially, which stated both session options, including 1 pm - 6 pm was on offer. The payment due date was also buried in a long paragraph, which I missed. Please note she didn’t state the afternoon slot was unavailable because the nursery was full either she just changed the policy without communicating it to parents.

Following this experience, I left a review detailing my concerns. Since then, the manager has been passive-aggressive toward both me and my sister, who occasionally picks up DC. My child has also complained about the manager’s child pushing and hitting them, which concerns me as I worry the child isn’t disciplined due to the staff’s connection to the manager.

OP posts:
Schleep · 13/11/2024 11:38

I run a nursery school.
Parents not paying on time is a HUGE issue - and there's always excuses and its not uncommon for it to end up with invoices just being unpaid indefinitely. This then results in cash flow issues putting staff wages at risk and is just a huge burden all round. Contrary to popular belief, nurseries are not making money hand over fist.

To have payment issues right from the start is a massive red flag.

Orangelight23 · 13/11/2024 11:32

You've sent your child to a nursery you can't afford because you wanted them to be more challenged and the nursery manager is the unreasonable one? 🤔

Sawlt · 13/11/2024 11:31

Nursery bills to pay are as important, if not more impt than OP finances. (Other kids depending on nursery being open)

If a chunk of parents don’t pay, don’t pay on time, how will nursery pay salaries, taxes, rent etc??

Ruin their reputation with your own selfish problems, could shut the nursery where your child attends.

short sighted, stupid, selfish.

redalex261 · 13/11/2024 11:28

I don't know Montessori from Cannelloni and it's 13 years since I stopped paying nursery fees. However, they were always paid upfront. I particularly remember this as I was surprised by it at the time - as you say many services are paid for on completion - hairdo, car repair etc. and when discussing with colleagues they all told me this was normal for nurseries and childcare. On reflection I can see the reasons why.

At trial visits when discussing arrangements the admin went over fee and payment expectations VERY thoroughly. 😀 You can't really complain about them haranguing you for payment. They don't know you from Adam. You may be in good faith and intending to settle the overdue amounts ASAP but they are certain to have dealt with parents who have fobbed them off then defaulted on a month's fees - what can they do then? They can't take back the service they've provided or hold the child hostage. They are left with small claims court action - more expense and no guarantee of payment.

I get that it's embarrassing and stressful for you not to be able to pay what's due on time but that's not their problem.

As for the complaint about no longer offering an afternoon slot - you contracted for mornings then asked for a short notice amendment - they may have no afternoon only slots available as their business model may be based on different numbers of am, pm and full day attendees. If their pm slots were fully booked and all that was left was all day opening I wouldn't be offering you half of an all day slot as this would mean I might not be able to accept the next full time kid as you had half of that placement.

Don't try to push your kid through the curriculum early. It doesn't turn them into a little genius, it just makes them bored and disengaged when they have to sit through it again in school. If he/she is smart now they'll still be smart in 18 months!

Paganpentacle · 13/11/2024 11:23

ThatRareUmberJoker · 13/11/2024 10:40

A lot of parents work especially mums and have to leave their children with childminders or nurseries. Some has to teach them if the parents don't have the time to. All they can do is encourage and mimic what they learn in nursery to support what they have done with the child.

Please. What a load of parp.
I've always worked full time.
Didn't stop me reading with my kids and teaching them.
Its parenting. You make time.

slashlover · 13/11/2024 11:11

Kool4katz · 13/11/2024 09:36

The only thing the OP has done wrong according to many posters is the heinous crime of being too poor to pay bills before they’re due. 🙄
**
“…focus on your child and in living within your means.”

A particularly nasty comment and clearly from someone who has never struggled financially. 😡

She couldn't afford to pay WHEN they're due, not before. She also didn't pay then publicly badmouthed them.

Toottooot · 13/11/2024 11:04

As Taylor Swift sang ‘it’s me hi, I’m the problem it’s me.’

CountryGirlInTheCity · 13/11/2024 11:02

Then there seems to be this weird ethos in many nurseries that phonics is baaaaad.
Yet when they get to reception, they get a phonics test straight away - and the phonics teaching is fast and furious.

Some nurseries do teach phonics, and I’d choose a nursery that does teach phonics.

Teaching letter recognition and recall without having established that children have grasped the phase 1 phonics skills is bad. Phase 1 is for nursery - being able discriminate sounds, hearing sounds in the environment forms the foundation for segmenting and blending sounds to read. When the foundations are not in place there is zero point in trying to teach the higher tier stuff….Ive come across it time and time again as a reception teacher. Of course if you have a child who has this already and is spotting sounds in books and relating them to words etc, by all means go ahead and teach them but it really shouldn’t be the focus of a nursery. The phonics teaching in YR can only be fast and furious if all the basics are in place already. And then, yes I agree it’s fast and children with a good foundation in sounds fly through it and those who don’t need extra support and intervention to fill those missing gaps.

Also - they don’t have a phonics test on entry to YR! The official phonics test is at the end of Y1. On entry to YR children have a baseline assessment. There is a small component that assesses whether a child recognises any sounds and whether they can segment and blend but it’s really not a phonics test. And a good baseline assessment covers all aspects of the EYFS curriculum not just phonics and maths. Assessments really should be done within a play environment in the first few weeks of Reception. They form the basis of what knowledge and skills the teacher needs to teach each child next. They are an assessment not a test and no reception teacher would expect a child to have already reached a certain standard in phonics at the start.

IVFmumoftwo · 13/11/2024 10:53

ThatRareUmberJoker · 13/11/2024 10:41

She does work

I was just suggesting that she isn't taking from the tax payer because she is obviously working otherwise she wouldn't get any help.

Deadringer · 13/11/2024 10:47

You should have checked you could comfortably afford it before you moved your child. And your reasons for moving her seem quite silly to me. Yabvu

yorktown · 13/11/2024 10:44

Have you complained that your child is being pushed and hit by the manager's child?
I'd rather the less challenging environment than be dealing with that.

Pay up and find a new nursery.

ThatRareUmberJoker · 13/11/2024 10:41

IVFmumoftwo · 13/11/2024 10:33

If she doesn't have a job UC won't pay towards the fees.

She does work

ThatRareUmberJoker · 13/11/2024 10:40

Paganpentacle · 13/11/2024 09:27

Thats kind of your job as a parent....

A lot of parents work especially mums and have to leave their children with childminders or nurseries. Some has to teach them if the parents don't have the time to. All they can do is encourage and mimic what they learn in nursery to support what they have done with the child.

FanofLeaves · 13/11/2024 10:35

Kool4katz · 13/11/2024 09:41

You were the nasty one trying to shame the OP for not knowing that the fees for the new nursery were expected in advance despite acknowledging that the nursery she’d used previously didn’t require payment in advance.

But as usual, Mumsnet moderators delete posts as a knee jerk reaction and don’t bother reading threads properly. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But as the vast majority have pointed out, it’s absolutely standard and expected to pay these fees upfront. I have no idea what her old nursery did but it was clearly the exception and not the norm. It’s madness to expect to have a whole month of nursery before any money has exchanged hands.

IVFmumoftwo · 13/11/2024 10:33

Charlottef94 · 13/11/2024 10:29

Just wondering why you need a nursery place 4 days a week taxpayer funded when you dont appear to have a job?

Working parents gave to pay thousands and go through huge difficulties in getting a place with years long waiting lists, id be grateful if i were you.

If she doesn't have a job UC won't pay towards the fees.

IVFmumoftwo · 13/11/2024 10:32

Just beware also that the nursery fees you are claiming are reasonable compared to your wages otherwise they will refuse to pay.

Charlottef94 · 13/11/2024 10:29

Just wondering why you need a nursery place 4 days a week taxpayer funded when you dont appear to have a job?

Working parents gave to pay thousands and go through huge difficulties in getting a place with years long waiting lists, id be grateful if i were you.

sillygoof · 13/11/2024 10:27

How much are you claiming back from Universal Credit for this expensive nursery?

ThatRareUmberJoker · 13/11/2024 10:21

Singlemommy2024 · 13/11/2024 00:17

They haven’t been rated yet as it’s a fairly new setting.

I do think the admin is making it up as she goes along as there isn’t a real admin team. The manager does it all and might be overwhelmed. I completely understand how difficult that could be for her but I’m still so frustrated that due to all the miscommunication I’ve found myself in this position and there’s no understanding on her end even after she admitted this.

You took a risk and it didn't pay off. I would start looking else where. Her business is just starting out and she is struggling she will turn you into a nervous wreck if you let her. A lot of these nurseries who are not organised don't last long. There was a Montessori nursery in my area it only lasted 3 years. You've already given your review which will kill her business. Did she respond?

With places like this you have to look at it as 1 a business and then 2 a Montessori nursery. How she decides to bill you is up to her and how she wants to run her business. I do agree that the inconsistencies in the fees are not helpful to you and she is not giving you the fee structure in order to plan. If it was me I would move him I am not that tolerant.

NewDogOwner · 13/11/2024 10:11

You don't seem to understand how nurseries or Montessori settings work. This is on you.

billin · 13/11/2024 10:08

MrsKwazi · 13/11/2024 09:57

If you know anything about montessori, it is that play is the ‘work’ and it is referred to as such. A montesorri nursery will not do bums on seats kind of phonics and writing, it is play based (it is kind of the selling point of it!!)

You signed up for something you can’t afford, let’s be honest.

The review you left… was that really as innocent as you make out??

She is allowed to change her sessions based on uptake and staffing.

You sound like incredibly hard work and you need to get a grip your child’s school career will make your head explode.

Totally agree with this as a teacher whose worked in both state and a private Montessori school.
DS was shown some basic phonics and writing through play based activities in his last year of nursery and he is GAT (he can read fluently having just started reception this year). DH and I (he's also a teacher) didn't really care about the nursery doing any of this and just wanted him to play and explore/make friends/be happy. Certainly didn't give a shit about him being challenged- the school have soon picked this up without us going in gung ho.

Trobealone · 13/11/2024 10:02

I disagree. I’ve worked in nurseries a long time - and 10/20 years ago : things were more structured and phonics were taught in a fun way. There were far less behavioural issues.
This drive to be like Finland (but not quite doing it right) leads to a lot of behavioural issues, and children not actually learning how to build with bricks or thread or use toys for the purpose they were intended. If a jigsaw is put out, 9 times out of 10 the pieces are distributed round the room and lost. Books are ripped, toys are broken etc.
Majority of the time is spent on dealing with behaviour.

pimplebum · 13/11/2024 10:01

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

yes you are unreasonable school is for phonics and writing but all nurseries do stuff will pens and reading stories

school prep is bum wiping, taking turns and saying please and thank you

you starting not knowing the price you have

as for child pushing it is beyond bonkers to even think think that one child pushing another has anything to do with the grown up situation
would you allow your child to hurt another and say nothing because you were in dispute with the mum ???

MrsKwazi · 13/11/2024 09:57

If you know anything about montessori, it is that play is the ‘work’ and it is referred to as such. A montesorri nursery will not do bums on seats kind of phonics and writing, it is play based (it is kind of the selling point of it!!)

You signed up for something you can’t afford, let’s be honest.

The review you left… was that really as innocent as you make out??

She is allowed to change her sessions based on uptake and staffing.

You sound like incredibly hard work and you need to get a grip your child’s school career will make your head explode.

Lemonyyy · 13/11/2024 09:53

Of course you have to pay fees for the first month in advance. That's pretty standard. I'm surprised you didn't have to pay a deposit to hold the place as well tbh. If you signed up to a nursery without knowing how much it would cost you each month that's on you!

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