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New nursery, unexpectedly high fees and an unreasonable manager

235 replies

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 22:58

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged. I chose the new nursery because the owner’s child was friends with mine, and I wanted to try their new Montessori program as I’d heard good things about it. DC began in September, and after settling in days and a discussion about fees and policies, I paid a deposit to secure the spot.

Although I’d previously informed the manager DC was eligible for 15 funded hours she only explained that due to the Montessori curriculum they require kids attend a minimum of 20 hours. I was happy to do this as I’d always wanted DC to do more than 15 but the old nursery didn’t allow this for term time only students. We agreed that DC would attend 4 half days a week 8am - 1pm. The manager recommend the morning slot citing a more structured curriculum in the morning and I accepted what I thought was her professional opinion.

After the third settling-in day, the manager informed me I’d be receiving an invoice. Later that day I received an invoice for September fees, due that same day. Surprised, as I hadn’t expected a payment so soon, I planned to clarify this with her the following week. When she later confirmed it was correct, I explained I wasn’t prepared for this payment. She accepted a partial payment, with the balance paid the following week.

Shortly after, my schedule changed, so I asked if DC could switch from the 8am - 1pm slot to the 1 pm - 6 pm slot. The manager told me they only offered 8 am - 1 pm or 8 am - 6 pm slots, which was confusing since I recalled her mentioning both. Still, I agreed to three full days instead of 4 half days to keep my course schedule since my sister agreed to assist with payment and I’d get reimbursement from UC.

One week later, and one week to the due date I received an invoice for three full days, with payment due by Oct 1. Unable to pay in full right away, I made a partial payment and arranged a meeting at the Job Centre for assistance. By Oct 1, the manager emailed me at 4 am about the balance. I explained that I was actively working on it, yet she continued to pressure me for payment, even calling during nursery hours without updating me on DC’s well-being.

After my meeting at the Job Centre she coincidentally called me I explained I’d just left but was busy and would need to get back in contact with her. She ignored what I said and proceeded to threaten to suspend my child although she’d received partial payment for the month and is in receipt of 15 funded hours from the government. Due to this call I performed terribly in my telephone interview.

When I finally arranged the grant, I needed the nursery manager’s signature. She asked unnecessary questions, took a copy of my form without consent, and kept demanding confirmation of payment, despite clear evidence it would go directly to her account. I expressed my dissatisfaction but had to rush back to the Job Centre to ensure the payment would be processed that day to avoid losing DC’s space.

Afterward, I requested a meeting to provide feedback. The manager was defensive, reluctantly admitted to miscommunications but wouldn’t offer any flexibility for future payments, despite the unexpected costs I’d incurred. Additionally, she hadn’t given me a copy of the contract initially, which stated both session options, including 1 pm - 6 pm was on offer. The payment due date was also buried in a long paragraph, which I missed. Please note she didn’t state the afternoon slot was unavailable because the nursery was full either she just changed the policy without communicating it to parents.

Following this experience, I left a review detailing my concerns. Since then, the manager has been passive-aggressive toward both me and my sister, who occasionally picks up DC. My child has also complained about the manager’s child pushing and hitting them, which concerns me as I worry the child isn’t disciplined due to the staff’s connection to the manager.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Witknit · 16/11/2024 16:53

TheHoneyMonster82 · 12/11/2024 23:09

As soon as I read that your child ‘wasn’t being challenged enough’ in nursery I knew you were being unreasonable. . .

Ditto

Purlesweetcheeks · 14/11/2024 00:50

Hi OP, after carefully reading your post, I can totally understand where a lot of your frustrations are coming from. I think most of the comments are perhaps not seeing things from your point of view. It seems to me that you’ve tried to make every effort to make the payments and perhaps there was a slight miscommunication about due dates for payments/expectations etc. The point here is not about missed payments/late payments etc, but about how OP felt in this situation. No parent should be made to feel uncomfortable when dealing with management in a childcare setting - I personally think the management could have handled the situation with a bit more decorum. As a childcare provider it’s important to be open minded and respectful of not only the children you’re dealing with but also the families involved. I must admit, writing a negative review might have escalated matters a little, but I think the management should have arranged a proper meeting with you to chat about what might have gone wrong and how to resolve things moving forwards. I would suggest perhaps finding a new setting for your child - not because you’re necessarily in the wrong, but so that you can both have a fresh start and know exactly what you’re getting your child (and yourself) into. Take care 😊

Buffs · 14/11/2024 00:33

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

It sounds like you might not have done your research on the nursery yet you have high expectations. Did you visit, ask about phonics and writing, ask about the feedback they give? Did you check their Ofstead report? If these are your expectations then you need to check the nursery will meet them.

Opentooffers · 13/11/2024 23:41

Just because nurseries split the days up into sessions for mornings or afteroons, it doesn't meed these are available.You arrange the sessions prior to starting and pay in advance, that's normal. Not their problem if they can't accommodate the hours you want or to change them. You should of sorted all the schedule you needed with the new nursery before your DC had left the prior one, as well as the fees and when to pay.
You've somehow decided that your DC is going to be pushed to the max and be high achieving although you are not.
Perish the thought of a nursery not doing phonics lol! I didn't know they did, certainly didn't at my DS's nursery, yet at primary school he soon got promoted to phonics lessons with the year above as considered 'gifted'.
You've actually taken your DC away from the friends he will have made at his previous nursery because you got friendly with someone who knew they do phonics at this one, and sod how your DC feels emotionally- he will be educated no matter what before school. I feel so sorry for him, especially now he is being bullied. You've made some very poor choices at you DC's expense and are now blaming others when it hasn't worked.

GrannyRose15 · 13/11/2024 23:28

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

Children of that age should be learning through play not being force fed phonics for goodness sake.

Laura95167 · 13/11/2024 23:20

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

Isn't montessori a child led programme? Maybe that means she's not showing an interest in the language element?

Laura95167 · 13/11/2024 23:13

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 22:58

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged. I chose the new nursery because the owner’s child was friends with mine, and I wanted to try their new Montessori program as I’d heard good things about it. DC began in September, and after settling in days and a discussion about fees and policies, I paid a deposit to secure the spot.

Although I’d previously informed the manager DC was eligible for 15 funded hours she only explained that due to the Montessori curriculum they require kids attend a minimum of 20 hours. I was happy to do this as I’d always wanted DC to do more than 15 but the old nursery didn’t allow this for term time only students. We agreed that DC would attend 4 half days a week 8am - 1pm. The manager recommend the morning slot citing a more structured curriculum in the morning and I accepted what I thought was her professional opinion.

After the third settling-in day, the manager informed me I’d be receiving an invoice. Later that day I received an invoice for September fees, due that same day. Surprised, as I hadn’t expected a payment so soon, I planned to clarify this with her the following week. When she later confirmed it was correct, I explained I wasn’t prepared for this payment. She accepted a partial payment, with the balance paid the following week.

Shortly after, my schedule changed, so I asked if DC could switch from the 8am - 1pm slot to the 1 pm - 6 pm slot. The manager told me they only offered 8 am - 1 pm or 8 am - 6 pm slots, which was confusing since I recalled her mentioning both. Still, I agreed to three full days instead of 4 half days to keep my course schedule since my sister agreed to assist with payment and I’d get reimbursement from UC.

One week later, and one week to the due date I received an invoice for three full days, with payment due by Oct 1. Unable to pay in full right away, I made a partial payment and arranged a meeting at the Job Centre for assistance. By Oct 1, the manager emailed me at 4 am about the balance. I explained that I was actively working on it, yet she continued to pressure me for payment, even calling during nursery hours without updating me on DC’s well-being.

After my meeting at the Job Centre she coincidentally called me I explained I’d just left but was busy and would need to get back in contact with her. She ignored what I said and proceeded to threaten to suspend my child although she’d received partial payment for the month and is in receipt of 15 funded hours from the government. Due to this call I performed terribly in my telephone interview.

When I finally arranged the grant, I needed the nursery manager’s signature. She asked unnecessary questions, took a copy of my form without consent, and kept demanding confirmation of payment, despite clear evidence it would go directly to her account. I expressed my dissatisfaction but had to rush back to the Job Centre to ensure the payment would be processed that day to avoid losing DC’s space.

Afterward, I requested a meeting to provide feedback. The manager was defensive, reluctantly admitted to miscommunications but wouldn’t offer any flexibility for future payments, despite the unexpected costs I’d incurred. Additionally, she hadn’t given me a copy of the contract initially, which stated both session options, including 1 pm - 6 pm was on offer. The payment due date was also buried in a long paragraph, which I missed. Please note she didn’t state the afternoon slot was unavailable because the nursery was full either she just changed the policy without communicating it to parents.

Following this experience, I left a review detailing my concerns. Since then, the manager has been passive-aggressive toward both me and my sister, who occasionally picks up DC. My child has also complained about the manager’s child pushing and hitting them, which concerns me as I worry the child isn’t disciplined due to the staff’s connection to the manager.

You have to pay for a service you use. Usually nursery fees are paid in advance. Usually nurseries with a higher reputation can demand a higher premium.

You put DC in the nursery, didn't pay, increased her attendance and didn't pay again and think you have a right to be put out. This is their livelihood, a partial payment isn't acceptable.

You should know before you drop your child off what you owe and when it's due. Doesn't matter if it's buried in a paragraph or red penned across the front. Its your responsibility to read the contract and to pay your bills. YABU

KiwiLondoner · 13/11/2024 22:40

My children have been learning phonics since age two at nursery. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all to move your child for not being challenged.

Fees sound confusing but not sure what grounds you have, if any. Just wanted to say I disagree with everyone's criticism of your decision to move DC for not being challenged. You have every right to do that

Toptops · 13/11/2024 21:50

TheHoneyMonster82 · 12/11/2024 23:09

As soon as I read that your child ‘wasn’t being challenged enough’ in nursery I knew you were being unreasonable. . .

Me too!

Avoidingsleep · 13/11/2024 21:01

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:24

I work part time and receive 15 hour funding. I was able to afford 4 half days but the difference between 4 half days and 3 full days is a stark difference.

when I initially signed up there was no mention that DC had to attend 20 hours minimum until we lost the space at old nursery. I wasn’t unhappy with this though as I wanted DC to attend more than 15 hours and also was able to afford to pay for 1 half day plus consumables.

Once I complained about how my issue was managed only then she backtracked on the 20 hours minimum until minimum and mentioned DC could attend 15 hours only but it would have to be 3 hours a day, 5 days a week from 8am - 11am. Again this doesn’t coincide with my schedule. None of this information is in the contract either.

You have essentially tripled the hours you are paying for. Even with 15 ‘free’ (my son’s nursery has a slight additional fee for essentials as the government don’t pay the nurseries as much as the places cost) you still now have another 15 to pay for. Which works out at 60 hours a month rather than 20.

Most nurseries run set half days rather than flexible hours as they don’t have hundreds of spaces and can accommodate other families for the other half of the day.

But yeah, nursery is ridiculously expensive. If you need the 4 days, but can’t afford it look into local childminders, a lot of them take the 15 hours, but their daily rates are lower.

laraitopbanana · 13/11/2024 19:10

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:15

I didn’t know the fee because the manager was unable to provide a clear fee structure for term time only students, only year round.

Also the fees I initially agreed to were affordable because I was sold that DC would be able to attend half days whether it be morning or afternoon. I only fell into issues when my commitments changed and needed afternoon sessions only to find out she’d changed the policy without communicating it.

Hi op,

It is quite unprofessional of the manager to just tell you that she can’t tell you yet but give you the hourly rate.

the final rate includes loads of stuff which without nurseries can’t continue to open so she perfectly knew that the 15h were not going to cover everything. She defo downplayed it. But then again, it is for you to check that you can pay before agreeing. And if you can’t, you do have in your contract written down what is the period cool off.

Next time, so not let yourself being sweep by “you have to act fast to secure the spot”, it is an old sales technique really.

Good luck 🌺

angela1952 · 13/11/2024 18:57

Very few nurseries would be able to switch your child's hours around because you need "flexibility with your commitments". They typically only accept a child when they know that they have the free hours that the parents need, and can't chop and change a child's hours as you appear to require. The only way you would get this would be if you paid for a full-time place and then just used the hours that you actually needed, which is what my DD did as she often did not know from one week to the next what hours she would need.
Many nurseries won't be flexible if you are only taking up the funded hours or just a few hours over, it's obviously simpler for them if they have more full-time children so they don't have to mess about filling in the empty hours for which they have staff.
As regards payment, it would be normal to pay for a full month in advance before the child starts nursery, there are plenty of people out there to take the places who are happy to do exactly this. I can see that you might be irritated to have to pay it at short notice, but the first payment obviously has to be paid before your child starts there so unless you arrange everything well in advance you will have to pay at short notice. If you can't meet the payments regularly for whatever reason they will simply take the place away.
And the "phonics and writing skills" business is just ridiculous before they start school at 5 or 7, particularly as this is a Montessori nursery.

Kneebonefuture · 13/11/2024 18:13

I've never known a nursery that didn't want the fees upfront. So you were lucky there. They should have provided info regarding the cost, but you also should have found out the costs before agreeing to 3 full days. Having read all your replies you do seem very argumentative and I'm not sure why you are posting when you seem very certain you aren't in the wrong.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 13/11/2024 18:02

Sounds like you both started on the wrong foot.
You haven't answered if you left the review on a public forum, which has been asked repeatedly (sorry if I missed it).

That would be like leaving a bad online review for your starter, before you've received the main. Dicey!

You can't be surprised she's not too pleased with you.
Sounds like she's chopping and changing in the hope you leave the nursery.

Not great as you've lost the previous place, so either make good with her and hope she's kind enough to 'change the policy' to fit you in or find a new nursery.

Appreciate you're in a tough spot, but leaving a review whilst your child is still there wasn't the best move.

pollymere · 13/11/2024 17:46

I'm not a fan of Montessori for various reasons. I'd be seeking a nursery attached to a school that uses a different pedagogy personally.

Trobealone · 13/11/2024 14:40

@CountryGirlInTheCity

I was listening to ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’. Scout’s experience of her first day of school.
She already knows how to read, and is punished by the teacher because she hasn’t learnt this by the ‘latest method’ - so the teacher will have to undo all the harm that’s been caused…

Trobealone · 13/11/2024 14:33

@CountryGirlInTheCity

From teaching in a nursery 20 years ago, there was a sound of the week, number of the week.
It certainly wasn’t the whole focus - but we did do fun activities around a letter/letter formation where we focussed on pencil grip.
The children enjoyed it and were engaged - there certainly wasn’t a feeling from them that ‘this is wrong’ - and it felt like purposeful learning.
We also had children starting to recognise words, and having early reading books.
Also with the resources that were out : I’d say there was more ‘teaching’ about to play doctors in the home corner, or how to cut with scissors. I had an amazing nursery class one year, and many of them were reading. There wasn’t a sudden cry if ‘they’ve missed phase 1” - they went on to be an amazing class through the school.
Over the years this has dwindled - and more recently in nurseries I see far less planning, or purposeful play - I see far more transporting around the classroom, lost and broken resources, behaviour issues.
So since we’ve moved away from less structure, are we seeing a massive improvement in reception cohorts?
I don’t think we are.
One if my children has a speech delay. However he can learn sounds easily. He can now read, and because he can read - his speech vastly improved and he can understand from seeing speech written down.
My other child was reading when she was three, and is excelling in English now at secondary school. She was learning sounds when she was about 1 and a half. And loved them. There isn’t some ‘huge gap’ that’s been missed by not repeating phase 1 phonics over and over again.
And I’ve never seen a reception class that hasn’t done an informal phonics assessment at the start of the year.

ThatRareUmberJoker · 13/11/2024 12:28

Paganpentacle · 13/11/2024 11:23

Please. What a load of parp.
I've always worked full time.
Didn't stop me reading with my kids and teaching them.
Its parenting. You make time.

She's paying for a service she expects them to provide what they said they will give to her child. For whatever reason she may not have the time to teach him she has said she is also studying she does a course in the afternoon. She's a single parent and probably struggles to find the time. I don't think it's helpful to shame a single mother who is trying her best.

TerroristToddler · 13/11/2024 12:17

It's standard (at least where I am) to pay for childcare bills for the month upfront - not after the childcare has been provided. Between my DCs we've used 5 settings for nursery/preschool and a couple of providers to wraparound and this has been the case for each and every provider.
I expect I too would be chased for payment if my DC was attending and I hadn't paid anything except a deposit!

Katiesaidthat · 13/11/2024 12:13

weaselpatrol · 13/11/2024 07:51

I was thinking the same with the overuse of comprehend/comprehension “ I comprehended the contract” 😹

This made me think her language 1 wasn´t English. In Spanish "comprender" simply means "understand", it isn´t a posh word. But I may be totally wrong, though.
OP my daughter´s nursery, which she attended for 3 years, was paid upfront, so are any clubs, extracurriculars etc. My daughter could recognise her name when she was three. Started phonics at 5 years old in pre-school and has started reading now she is 6. There is no rush, let her play and socialise and develop fine motor skills, that is the base for everything else.

IVFmumoftwo · 13/11/2024 11:56

Schleep · 13/11/2024 11:38

I run a nursery school.
Parents not paying on time is a HUGE issue - and there's always excuses and its not uncommon for it to end up with invoices just being unpaid indefinitely. This then results in cash flow issues putting staff wages at risk and is just a huge burden all round. Contrary to popular belief, nurseries are not making money hand over fist.

To have payment issues right from the start is a massive red flag.

How long before you issue a "pay or your child loses their place" type of notice?

Chan9eusername · 13/11/2024 11:53

There is zero point doing loads of phonics before school tbh. My eldest had and could read quite fluently - the approach (in state schools at least) is often now to progress the whole class through the same level books aligned to the phonics taught in class, he was given the same beginner books as everyone else. A handful of children who were truly struggling were kept on easier books longer but the expectation was that 90% of the class would basically stay on pretty much the same couple of book bands for reception & year one.

meganna · 13/11/2024 11:50

Every nursery or childcare related thing I've ever had to pay for has always required payments in advance. So I pay on the 1st of the month for the full month. If I book holiday club I pay in advance. Afterschool club in advance...it's totally normal!

It is highly unusual to pay childcare in arrears, and I'm quite surprised that's been your experience as this thread demonstrates that practically everyone else pays in advance!

I understand that universal credit pays in arrears for childcare as they pay out once you have submitted a receipt showing your payment, but that doesn't mean you get to pay the nursery in arrears too. They are a private business and can set their own rules. if you can't afford the upfront payment you can apply for a loan or grant to cover it initially.

SatinHeart · 13/11/2024 11:46

Sounds not unlike the private nursery we used. Fairly standard policies imo.

Payment due 1 month in advance on the 1st of the month, even if your child's first day is later that month.

Changing sessions after signing the contract was subject to a 6 week notice period AND subject to availability so you'd only be able to switch from mornings to afternoons if they had a space within ratios.

For ours it was in the T&Cs that if you made negative comments about the nursery on any public forum your child's place would be withdrawn.

Hoppinggreen · 13/11/2024 11:45

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

Generally that happens at school rather than Nursery

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