Snobby parents

You are giving this random woman way too much thought.

Just chat to the ones who are friendly and don't worry about the rest.

OP desperate to be "in" with the Queen Bee.

This is like an episode of Motherland.

Maybe she's introverted and has difficulty talking to strangers. Maybe she had a big project due at work that is occupying her mind. Maybe someone she cares for is very ill and she was worried. Maybe she just found out her bank account is overdrawn. Maybe the kids had been acting up at home and she was at the end of her sanity. Maybe she had a headache. Maybe she just didn't feel like talking.

There could be any number of things going on that have absolutely nothing to do with you, but because she didn't greet you happily and warmly as you had decided you were entitled to, you decided to call her a snob. Lovely. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn't all about you.

One other thought- when mine were at primary school I went through hell at home with their dad. I didn’t always feel like making happy small talk at the school gate.

We really don’t know what else is going on in another person’s life, even if they put on a good ‘face’ on a WhatsApp group etc.

I don't understand - you say you are actively ignoring her, yet you are complaining about her being cold and distant to you?

Who knows what was going on with her on that first day (could have been how you approached, she could have been stressed about something, she could have been planning her dinner and a bit "spacey").

Seems a mountain out of a molehill and, at this point, mostly based on your actions, not hers.

@Vissi

I am half serious about this though: it scares the bejesus out of me that people who can’t negotiate stuff like this are having children and passing this social neurosis onto them.

I know schools do coffee mornings and drop ins and stuff but I almost wonder if it needs to be mandatory for people whose kids are starting in reception.

What on earth are people telling their kids if they are calling random people “snobs” or “cliques” because they have failed to see them? The mind boggles.

She doesn't know you, she doesn't owe you a friendship. You say there are others you do know...chat to them?

It isn't all or nothing, she isn't necessarily snobby and to be hated/ignored, she's just someone you don't know.

There you are. You were mildly friendly. She was mildly friendly. She’s almost certainly not a snob or a monster who took an instant dislike to your shoes or posture or something. You might even end up liking one another.

@Thepeopleversuswork — I agree. Maybe in those taster sessions where they bring in pre-Reception children for an hour or two before the summer vac, they could have compulsory ‘How to do basic social interactions’ sessions for parents. Or you could only opt out if you demonstrated you were capable of standing in the school yard with a bunch of other parents without deciding they’re a ‘clique’ giving you side-eye based on your own projection.

Oh god, another needy new school mum wanting to be mates. By the time you're on number 3 you're over wanting to be friends with everyone.

Another day, another paranoid post about “school gate mums”. As PPs have said this is a huge exercise in overthinking. This woman won’t have given this a minute’s thought: where you have extrapolated that she’s a snob is a mystery.

I think people need to take classes in basic social skills and how to navigate the world before their children go to school. The things people get upset over on here in relation to school so off the scale trivial it makes me genuinely concerned about the mental health of the population.

I dont mean this unkindly btw: it genuinely frightens me how many people can’t cope with these incredibly basic interactions. There are posts on here every day like this over literally nothing.

What @HoppingPavlova said. Also, how ‘enthusiastic’ were you when you introduced yourself? Maybe she was just slightly put off by your assumption of instant friendship first day, plus the fact that you now completely ignore her?

Not everyone is friendly and wants to chat. It's got nothing to do with being parents. We're all different as people. It's not about you.

You are definitely overthinking. You don't need to be so full on and friendly with anyone just because their child is in the same class. A hello or a smile is fine.

So you greeted her on the first day and she “barely said hi back” - ie did speak to you but not as effusively as you wanted? Maybe she was anxious/busy/distracted/unwell/worried/thinking about what to have for dinner. You have since “ignored her at pick up” and decided she’s “snobby”. Sounds to me like you are at least as much at fault as she is.

Some women are dicks.

Concentrate on the nice ones. Ignore the unpleasant one.

I don't think she sounds snobby. I think you could be being quite unfair there! Perhaps she just doesn't want to be drawn into endless small talk. She's probably been there and done all of that with all of her older children and isn't really desperate to repeat.

You are waaaay overthinking things. You don't need to be friends with her. You don't need to be friends with all parents of children in your child's class. Just drop off/collect your child, brief civil conversation with others if needed but if not then don't worry. Then just go.

Why does this woman bother you so much. Let it go.

I'd probably just brightly say hi! And move on. It doesn't need big conversations nor it's it about being friends. At such a small school ,you're bound to cross paths with her at events, parties playdates etc, just be friendly like you would in any passing.

A long time ago for me now, but I was quite enthusiastic when my first child went to school. I wanted to make friends, have playmates for my son, even have a bit of a social life for me with other mums. I couldn't understand the mums who never came to any events or turned down every play date, or didnt come to any mums nights out. When I had my second I realised! I couldn't be bothered with any of it. I was back working, I was busy, I literally wanted to pick up my kids and go. I didn't get there early to have a gossip with the other mums, I didn't even stand with them. Just cba with any of it. I wasn't rude....if someone said hi to me or started a conversation, I was my very nice normal self...but I definitely didn't encourage it. In fact some days ,I'd purposely ring my nan whilst I was in the playground waiting so I didn't do all the things I did with my first sons mums!

I really wouldn't overthink it as much as you are. Maybe on the WhatsApp etc, she's just got more time to answer or she thinks she's just got a valuable experience or insight to share. Maybe she just doesn't like or can't do small talk. I doubt she's even remembered your first meeting ,let alone given it another thought. Just say hi! Be bright and breezy and move on. I knew lots of parents by faces, just saying hi because we made eye contact most mornings and afternoon in the same spot....but we weren't desperate to be friends

I also wonder is it because it’s her third dc and my first dc to attend the school which has caused the difference in attitude?

Resounding yes. When my first went through, small school, their cohort was basically all oldest children, with siblings following in pretty much the same years. So we all made friends with our eldest kids and then when the next lots went through maintained that and basically had no capacity for ‘new parent friends’. They were essentially left to make friends with the others where those kids were the first kids at school. None of us liked or disliked those parents as we didn’t know them either way, we weren’t snubbing them out of dislike, we already had an established network.

You don't know what was going on in her life that particular day. Maybe she didn't hear you or was distracted. You are overthinking this

(Snobby doesn't mean this issue)

She’s not snobby. That’s not what snobby means.

She clearly doesn’t want or need to make friends with you. That’s fine.

The school run is for you to take and pick up your child, nothing more. There is no deep conspiracy. By the time I was on my third crack of the whip I was truly sick of it and just wanted to be in and out as soon as I could. Maybe she’s the same?

Kindly, not everything is about you and your needs.

You’re overthinking. If it happens it happens. You’ll probably end up chatting at a birthday party etc. You don’t need to decide a plan one way or another whether you’re going to ignore her forever more or not.