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Original poster

SIL describing herself as "retired" pissing me off

695 replies

SacreBleugh · 12/11/2024 18:07

I have recently retired. I've worked full time my entire career, as well as bringing up 4 kids. I know. Heroic.
My SIL is a SAHM to 3 grown up kids. She's had the odd temporary very part time hobby job in the 30 years I have known her. She is now also describing herself as "retired". I'm not sure why I find this irritating.

OP posts:
Hoolahoophop · 13/11/2024 14:43

I guess you retired from work outside the home. Where as she made a career of working inside the home. You never get to retire from that. I'd feel smug if I were you.

LindorDoubleChoc · 13/11/2024 14:20

I haven't seen any villifying but then again I've hardly read the thread. It's not one I'm interested in other people's opinions on.

You ask why I'd find it irritating @BunnyLake (you seem to have taken over this thread somehow) - it's because I'm a pedant. To be retired from something you have to have been working at something. Being a sahp is hard work but it isn't work.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/11/2024 12:52

@mayorofcasterbridge - my impression from your posts is that you think SAHMs are inferior to WOHMs - is that correct?

BunnyLake · 13/11/2024 12:41

Dontlletmedownbruce · 13/11/2024 10:37

So true @StormySimon

Reading this thread makes me understand why a patriarchy prevailed in the first place. People do not value work that doesn't bring in money. Men thought they were superior to women because of it, now working women are feeling superior to those at home.

Surely anyone can understand there are significant pros and cons to each option.

Also there are SAHPs who do as little as possible but there are also many employees who do the bare minimum. Lazy people exist regardless of sex or status.

Depressing isn’t it, women vilifying other women because they can stay home. Women saying women at home don’t have an identity or a personality or are somehow less worthy, it’s disgraceful really.

Startrekobsessed · 13/11/2024 12:26

I’d feel the same as you OP, she’s not retired from anything as her day to day ‘work’ will be the same Now as it was 5/10 years ago once kids were in school. Although I’m not really sure what the appropriate work would be, housewife?!

wombat15 · 13/11/2024 11:29

KimberleyClark · 13/11/2024 11:19

The semi retired person is usually drawing part of their pension aren’t they?

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The people I know who refer to themselves as semi retired aren't drawing on their pensions yet.

TeenToTwenties · 13/11/2024 11:25

KimberleyClark · 13/11/2024 09:45

No, semi retired means you are still working for some of the time.

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But by the op's logic, to be retired you have to be paid working first.
So surely if you are only semi working you only get to be semi retired? With the other part still being idle/housewife/ladyofleisure or whatever the op wants to use as a descriptor...
Grin

Why can't we accept that different people have different constraints and make different choices? Why the need to not allow a 55+ or whatever to class themselves as retired when they are no longer bringing up children / background support to working partner or whatever?

KimberleyClark · 13/11/2024 11:19

wombat15 · 13/11/2024 11:11

What's the difference between semi retired and part-time worker though?

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The semi retired person is usually drawing part of their pension aren’t they?

wombat15 · 13/11/2024 11:11

KimberleyClark · 13/11/2024 09:45

No, semi retired means you are still working for some of the time.

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What's the difference between semi retired and part-time worker though?

Dontlletmedownbruce · 13/11/2024 10:37

So true @StormySimon

Reading this thread makes me understand why a patriarchy prevailed in the first place. People do not value work that doesn't bring in money. Men thought they were superior to women because of it, now working women are feeling superior to those at home.

Surely anyone can understand there are significant pros and cons to each option.

Also there are SAHPs who do as little as possible but there are also many employees who do the bare minimum. Lazy people exist regardless of sex or status.

BunnyLake · 13/11/2024 10:25

StormySimon · 13/11/2024 09:22

A lot of hoo hah about a job status 😂

Can’t we all just be happy that we live in a country where women can work if they must? Or work if they choose? Hobby jobs, part time
jobs, freelance, high pressure career jobs….

We have the freedom to choose and we
ought to celebrate that.

Unlike other countries where women & girls cannot talk, work or go to school.

🤝

Exactly. Competitive retirement, whatever next!

BunnyLake · 13/11/2024 10:23

the7Vabo · 13/11/2024 09:37

You do though, it’s literally what the word means in the dictionary.

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No it isn’t. There’s no level of how hard you worked regarding retirement. You could have gone in the office every day for forty years, closed your door, put your feet up and slept all day, you still end up being as retired as the person who worked their socks off in the same forty years.

TH1NG1E · 13/11/2024 10:22

the7Vabo · 13/11/2024 09:37

You do though, it’s literally what the word means in the dictionary.

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It means to have ceased work, no longer work, not going to be working again. Not I worked hard and now I've left.

BunnyLake · 13/11/2024 10:19

TeenToTwenties · 13/11/2024 08:38

When my DC stops actively needed me so much I will have 'withdrawn from my occupation' of a SAHM.

At that point I will be retired.

My life will be different as it won't be centred around helping DD any more, DH and I will be able to go on holidays as and when, I won't be ferrying DD to any from of education or therapy etc etc.

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I brought up my children as a single parent (was lucky I could stay at home for a number of years due to good child maintenance) and if anyone said that wasn’t real work they would have got short shrift from me. It was 24/7, from toddler to teens, no days off at the weekend and no annual leave and no going to their dad part of the time (he moved abroad). There would have been a swift boot up the jacksy for anyone minimising the work and commitment that involved.

KimberleyClark · 13/11/2024 09:45

TeenToTwenties · 13/11/2024 08:58

With the OP's logic, would someone who stopped part time work when 55+ be only 'semi'-retired?

No, semi retired means you are still working for some of the time.

Newsenmum · 13/11/2024 09:39

StormySimon · 13/11/2024 09:22

A lot of hoo hah about a job status 😂

Can’t we all just be happy that we live in a country where women can work if they must? Or work if they choose? Hobby jobs, part time
jobs, freelance, high pressure career jobs….

We have the freedom to choose and we
ought to celebrate that.

Unlike other countries where women & girls cannot talk, work or go to school.

🤝

Absolutely. Mumsnet threads like these are pathetic. Men would really have it coming to them if we just went “cool, good for her” and went about our day.

the7Vabo · 13/11/2024 09:37

TH1NG1E · 13/11/2024 09:34

You don't have to have worked hard to now call yourself retired. Stop being grumpy.

You do though, it’s literally what the word means in the dictionary.

TH1NG1E · 13/11/2024 09:34

You don't have to have worked hard to now call yourself retired. Stop being grumpy.

StormySimon · 13/11/2024 09:22

A lot of hoo hah about a job status 😂

Can’t we all just be happy that we live in a country where women can work if they must? Or work if they choose? Hobby jobs, part time
jobs, freelance, high pressure career jobs….

We have the freedom to choose and we
ought to celebrate that.

Unlike other countries where women & girls cannot talk, work or go to school.

🤝

TeenToTwenties · 13/11/2024 08:58

With the OP's logic, would someone who stopped part time work when 55+ be only 'semi'-retired?

TeenToTwenties · 13/11/2024 08:38

BunnyLake · 13/11/2024 08:30

Define working.

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When my DC stops actively needed me so much I will have 'withdrawn from my occupation' of a SAHM.

At that point I will be retired.

My life will be different as it won't be centred around helping DD any more, DH and I will be able to go on holidays as and when, I won't be ferrying DD to any from of education or therapy etc etc.

BunnyLake · 13/11/2024 08:34

TeenToTwenties · 13/11/2024 08:32

Agree. You are 'not economically active' but not unemployed.

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Yes, you’d never see the words ‘unemployed multi millionaire’ would you.

TeenToTwenties · 13/11/2024 08:32

BunnyLake · 13/11/2024 08:21

Disagree. If you don’t need to work and are not looking for work you are not unemployed. You are unemployed if you are available to work. I’m not available to work because I am no longer availing myself to work. I’m not unemployed.

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Agree. You are 'not economically active' but not unemployed.

BunnyLake · 13/11/2024 08:30

mayorofcasterbridge · 12/11/2024 21:42

I know it's only wiki but this is how I understand it too,

"Retirement is the withdrawal from one's position or occupation or from one's active working life."

If you haven't had an "active working life", then you can't retire from it!!

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Define working.

the7Vabo · 13/11/2024 08:28

wombat15 · 13/11/2024 08:26

I wouldn't describe her as retired as she is probably doing similar stuff now and she was 10 years ago. I.e. a bit of housework. Housewife would be more accurate.

Id say this is the most accurate use of language.