SIL describing herself as "retired" pissing me off

If she's late 50's and doesn't intend seeking work then surely she is retired?

I know a few people in their 50's that are retired. They did all work full time up until retirement though.

Her circumstances will have changed if her children have left home.

I haven't been in paid employment for 25 years. I had to give up work to become an unpaid carer. I did that for 17 years until the person I cared for died. I didn't return to work. My previous employment afforded me a final salary pension which I started receiving this year.
When people ask if I work/what I do, I tell them I'm retired. What else am I going to say?
Would I annoy you too?

Surely you mean she's not state pension age until 67?

What a nasty post!

It would annoy me too, op, but I’m also grouchy and unreasonable. I think to be retired you should have retired from something and be living on “retirement income” eg a pension. If you’ve never worked and are in your 50s you are no more retired than an 18yo unemployed kid. Having a private income or being supported by a partner a decade before pensionable age isn’t retired. I work in the nhs and lots of my colleagues are retired but working, sometimes full time, because they have started to claim their 1995 pension and some have their state pension too and they have been through a retire-return process - they are retired. If they’d quit and were claiming their pension then they’d be retired. If they’d quit because then don’t need to work because of support from a partner but couldn’t claim the nhs, a private, or their state pension because they are only 55 or 42 or 26 then they aren’t retired.

Strictly speaking she's a house wife. If she had to live independently of her husband's earnings she would be classed as unemployed. When she reaches SR age she will be retired, and not before. Does that make you feel better OP?

You are basically unhappy with your choices and think your SIL has made better ones.

She's not retirement age until she is 67. She is however unwaged.

That is so true.

Being a SAHM is not really leisure. It's different from working but there are hardships involved that you wouldn't understand if you hadn't done it.

YABVU to judge your SIL. If you feel bad about how your life turned out then you would be better to get therapy for that, than to take our your anger on your SIL.

You sound bitter. She is retired, her job was a SAHP and now they are grown. It's a valid 'job' and not one I'd have wanted to do long term so fair play to her for coming up with a way of answering questions about what she does for a living that doesn't make her worthless in our sexist economy.

You're envious.

How would you like her to respond/ describe herself and what does it matter to you?

I get what you’re saying OP. She had no job to retire from

I get it, I really do. If you were both out in a social situation and you chatted to someone you didn't know, you may say if asked, you had now retired. An obvious question would be, from what?

You're jealous she's had such an easy life......and that's fine. Hell I'd be jealous too. In fact I am jealous and I don't even know the woman 🤣🤣🤣

YABU

My mum retired at 58. She'd never worked full time. She still retired.

The SIL sounds like me except I was 52 when I ‘retired’.

I get what you mean OP. I wouldn’t be annoyed just mildly irritated. What does she think she’s returning from? Her circumstances haven’t changed. She’s just gotten older.

I know a woman who I expect to do the same. She’s a SAHM to two school aged kids. She asked me how I was and I told her work was full on at the moment and that with the kids meant I was a bit all over the place. She empathised saying she was also tired with the kids and working! By work she meant her chores! I was thinking what type of new crack is this woman smoking?! She will defo claim to have retired when she reaches 65!

It could be worse. I have a family member who "retired" onto benefits years ago late 40s having never worked full time. I'm less then a decade younger, work full time and no plans to retire for 17 years. I value making my own money and developing skills through experience at work.

When we meet I find her life very dull with little choice. It's annoying that she finds excuses to be paid benefits which takes from the pot of those who need it more, but she says her back twinges so her doctor completes the forms.

I find when I feel resentful of someone it’s usually something in me that I’m resenting. And in your situation I’d be feeling like I resented having to work for so hard and so long to have what someone else ‘appears’ to have handed to them on a plate.

It’s similar to the resentment I feel when my friend tells me she’s a single parent for the week when her DH works away. Sure, it’s tough, but it’s not the same as 20 odd years of making every single decision and carrying all the weight and responsibilities on my own.

You feel your years of hard work have been diminished by her putting herself in the same bracket as you.

Retired is more accurate than SAHM.

Your SIL certainly knows which buttons to press.
She only needs to say a few words, press the button and away you go, fretting and no doubt losing sleep.
Bet she’s smiling to herself.
😉😁😁.

This is quite unusual.

I've read lots of angry/bitter posts from working women on here, against women who choose to continue to stay at home and look after the house etc, when their kids have grown up.

But this is the first I've read of someone taking that bitterness into their retirement?

Let it go because not only is it none of your business, but she IS retired whether you're happy about that or not.

Just concentrate on enjoying your own leisure time now.

What exactly has she retired from, maybe?