SIL describing herself as "retired" pissing me off

I would say I enjoy working on genealogy and that would inspire interest in what you do with your life. Or be honest and say you have a chronic condition but still gave some interests such as x,y and z

Exactly, these threads are the worst and so bloody tedious.

People will bitch and deflect as a way to avoid identifying and fixing their own problems. Bleh.

Yes, that’s my view - you retire from a job. You surely can’t retire if you haven’t had one!

I think this is your key to inner peace op… forget her life. Just live yours x

Is it me? Am I your SIL?

You find it irritating because you are envious. It's not my fault I haven't had to work as hard or for as long as you. I say I'm retired now because my DH (your brother?) is retired now. Neither of us are in paid employment, we are not on benefits and not intending on looking for work again. We are of an age where, typically, people start to retire. At least the ones who can afford to, anyway.

I'm not quite sure how else I am supposed to describe my working status when asked. What would you suggest?

Oh good grief, live and let live …

Well what is she supposed to say? Your resentment of her being a SAHM is the reason you feel irritated. Hardly a leisure life for many at home.

I was going to say that someone could describe themselves as retired if they don't work and are drawing a state pension, but she's not old enough for that in her late fifties.

I agree that it's odd for someone who has never worked outside the home and is only late fifties to be calling herself retired.

Maybe she means retired from raising kids, if she sees being a SAHM mum as having been her life's work?

I'm 47 and classed as "retired" and appear to live a cushy life, spending every day at home, reading and doing my hobby of genealogy - but what people don't see or realise is that I have an illness which means I'm in excruciating pain almost 20 hours out of every 24 (the 4 pain free hours are when I'm practically unconscious from my prescription only pain relief).

I'm scared of telling anyone that I'm retired but I don't want to use the term "unemployed" as I was forced out of my career due to this condition and there's such an instant negative reaction towards "unemployed" people.

For years, I'd somehow managed to hide my pain from everyone, including my nearest and dearest and I'm sure some people would have been irritated if I "retired"
Sometimes there are secret sadnesses in other people's lives that others aren't aware of.

Also if she's raised her kids to be decent people, then she's contributed to society.

You are quite right to be irritated, I would be too.

I understand, OP. My mother described herself as "retired" at 59 after a lifetime of playing golf and being a lady who lunches. DF retired at 60, as you could back then, after a very full professional life, overseas service in WWII etc.I was still working at 70 when she was 96, still describing herself as "retired" after a "retirement" of 37 years duration.

I think its worth pointing out that if SAHMs can't say 'retired', then we should say the OP was a 'part time mother'.

Being a nanny is a ‘proper’ job, being a full time mum is the lazy way of not having to work (not my take but definitely some MNers).

Nice to see all the usual nasty bitchiness aimed at SAHMs, haven’t had a thread about that in a while

Life 😂

Of course it’s work, but it’s not a job, people don’t usually speak of “retiring” from being a SAHM. Usually by retirement age the kids are well into adulthood.

It’s a hard graft for a few short years. Looking after an average 12 year old for example who is out at school most of the day isn’t a hard graft.
And people who work still have to parent, keep their house clean etc. Some can afford to outsource certain things like cleaning but lots can’t.

My mum calls herself retired and it grates on me. How exactly can you retire from sitting on your arse your entire life? 😤

Isn’t it great that even in a forum focused on moms we get to read posts referring to being a stay at home parent as a “life of leisure” and insisting that caring for children doesn’t count as real work?

Cheers, ladies.

My SILs are both in the same jobs that they trained for at Uni 30 years ago, both at their current employer for twenty years. I'm intrigued by their experiences, I ask how stuff is going. Think of them when their professions are in the news.
Neither of them ever ask me about my work. I'm pretty certain they think I have been an utterly full time home maker since I persuaded DH to marry me.
What they don't realise is I'm full stamp for pension since 16, I think I only need three more years. I'm 51. I've worked in occupational health in some unique understructure projects, was there at the beginning of internet policies for tv, done some crazy risk assessments. I don't always work a full year. I pick up projects and finish them. I do the house heavy lifting when DH's career needs boosting.
I've had an amazing work history and the family never, ever ask me.

I dont understand the contradictory attitude about SAHMs from some posters. If people think SAHMs do nothing and deserve no respect and you are so morally superior to be working, then why on earth be so resentful of them? On the flip side if you wish you'd been a SAHM and are jealous then why the sneery belittling attitude?

I think this is part of it. I don’t agree with SAHM being slagged off but I’m also sick of hearing “it’s the hardest job in the world”.
Try coming in late from work and having to think about dinner, homework etc, and getting prepared to face into a new day of work.

So I get why the OP is irritated. She’s out a slog in and is now retired. Her SIL hasn’t actually “retired” I.e, stopped doing a job because she wasn’t doing a job.

I’ve never heard anyone speaking of retiring from being a SAHM.

Yeh, I’m not perfect. I guess we’re all just human at the end of the day. I’m sure I do and say things that annoy people some of the time 😅 xx

YANBU MIL only worked for about 2 years in her 50s part time as a receptionist at a GP surgery & talks as though she worked all her life. Talks about her pension etc.

I'm a bit envious mind that your SIL can retire late 50s and not have to worry about work.

Being a SAHM ≠ leisure. Sure some people are leisurely about it and outsource loads of it, but for loads of people it’s hard graft and they put their all into it.

It sounds like for her, ‘retired’ is shorthand. She’s no longer raising children. She succeeded in raising children who flew the nest. Job done. Retired.