SIL describing herself as "retired" pissing me off

Well, I totally understand your irritation. With it all together, especially her criticism of you and your job, I’d find her irritating AF too.

Working people would have done about 7,000+ days work in thirty years. This woman has worked…eight. 😂

"Maybe retirement should have levels. OP (and others who get irate about it) could be Platinum Retiree whereas sil only gets to be called Bronze Retiree."

😀

I agree. There is not one part of me that regrets giving up all of the career success to be home with my toddlers. As someone mentioned up thread, I will not be on my death bed regretting that I didn't work more.

I know it's only wiki but this is how I understand it too,

"Retirement is the withdrawal from one's position or occupation or from one's active working life."

If you haven't had an "active working life", then you can't retire from it!!

I'm not sure about the claims to an "amazing identity", tbh. You do sound like a bit of a blowhard.

My feeling is that retirement is from paid work only. Early retirement would be finishing paid work before the age of statutory retirement age but after the earliest age that a private pension can normally be paid out (i.e. currently 55). If you decide to finish paid work before 55 and not look for another job then surely you can only describe yourself as unemployed if you have no other means of personal income except from a spouse. If you've got your own private income from investments or something then I guess you're still technically unemployed. Mind you, it's not what a successful business person who sold their business for a couple of million would describe themselves as so who the fuck knows.....it's interesting to ponder.

If you are a housewife all your life, though, then how is anything changing, because all the same jobs in the home will still need doing? I suppose you could farm everything you do out to staff and in doing so declare yourself retired that way. But it's a stretch, isn't it? Most people don't have staff when they actually retire from paid employment so does that mean they never retire until the moment they're so incapacitated that another person is doing everything for them?

I think I'm overthinking it all.😆

I heard a male colleague talking about "retiring from football" .. I should have berated him for using this word when he has clearly never earned a penny from his Saturday five-asides. 😁

Doubledded123 · Today 21:13
"She's a retired housewife. I'd hate her too.
Thank god I have an amazing career and identity."

Yes thank god indeed because your personality is horrible.

😂

I can understand why you would be annoyed, @SacreBleugh . We all have small, petty things that annoy us and which most of us only voice to ourselves, or Mumsnet and potentially the Daily Mail.

But how else would she realistically refer to herself in a way that is short, to-the-point and doesn't inevitably invite further questions?

Define a "successful stay at home mum"??

If she’s being serious I know what I’d be identifying her as.

You say you'd hate her?!
Wow!
What an awful, sneery comment.
An identity is more than an 'amazing career'

Bitchy much. Unless you’re being sarcastic and just pretending to be a biatch?

It really does

So was your DH also working part time in a non-demanding job?

I think our economy would be in a lot worse mess without people who pay tax on their income...

...but I do appreciate part of your post in that there are certainly roles that are unpaid (especially social care) that are highly undervalued.

Yet this is not the situation the OP is describing is it? Her relative is effectively choosing a life of leisure post raising children.

Being a SAHM is often a balance of parenting choice and/personal finance. Once those children are older it changes to being only a preference rather than a requirement (exceptional circumstances do exist however).

What’s a hobby job? Got any examples?

I want one. They sound lovely!

This whole thread reeks of envy.

Maybe retirement should have levels. OP (and others who get irate about it) could be Platinum Retiree whereas sil only gets to be called Bronze Retiree.

If it makes you feel any better my ex was on a dating site ( aged 40) he described himself as retired - true to his word he never worked a day I worked to raise our Ds - whilst he contributed £7 a week vis the cms ..

Identity is so much more than what we do for employment or having a career.

I know someone in her 50s who left work at 45. She's not ill or a carer, and childless; it's just because she can financially due to rich husband (who did actually retire early in the proper sense). However..she calls herself retired..and even goes to a retirement club..which really gets my goat! No, you are not retired, you are unemployed... (I'm NOT jealous... I love my job and would be bored shitless!)

Agreed, but they don’t have the equivalent of the time the kids are at school each day off, their time is not their own, they are answerable to managers, are tasked with responsibilities, performance reviews, deadlines etc.

I can understand if you do that for 30 odd years why you’d be irritated that someone who hasn’t describing themselves as “retired”.

My point was more that people talk about this huge graft of unpaid labour SAHMs put in as if they are parenting toddlers for 20 years.

If your child is 20 and you don’t work, can you describe yourself as a SAHM?

Lots of women have to stay at home due to childcare costs, lots of women want to be with their children and some don’t want to deal with the hassle of work. It’s not a one size fits all of women toiling away. I know SAHMs who have nannies & who don’t cook.

Don't be ridiculous. The majority of families who can afford to have one parent take time away from a career to raise children are paying plenty of tax. Not to mention the vast numbers of working people who are actually in receipt of benefits.