To wonder if it’s really true that you should avoid discussing money with anyone other than those directly involved with your finances?

So your husband has no idea how much you earn. How does your household pay bills without talking about money, do you both pay different things and hide the cost of the bills, so if the eletric is £75 you hide it so he can’t find out?

How did you work out what rent you could afford without knowing each others wage and outgoings total? You obviously don’t have a mortgage as you would have to discuss finances with the provider, and it joint with the other owner of the home.

I find it an odd thing to feel uncomfortable about, do you find then healthcare workers uncomfortable to be around as banding means you can work out their wage.

I only discuss money with DH, no one else, not even DM who I'm very close to. It just leads to problems like being expected to pay for everything or any kinds of judgement relating to money or life decisions.

I have an acquaintance who openly discusses her finances (her kids are on bursary at a private school, they are tight on money yet they spend thousands on holiday and nice cars, one for her and one for him. Go out for meals regularly and buy expensive tickets to shows and concerts) and she makes me feel irritated every time she says her husband doesn't earn enough like her kids' parents! She doesn't even work.

Had she not talked about money I would have gotten a lot more close to her

People have differing perceptions. One person’s savings pot that makes them proud as they never thought they’d have that much is another persons panic it’s not enough.

We desperately need to start talking about money!

Yes, but with people who know what they are doing. I've heard some terrible financial advice given from people who have no experience in finance management

If we don't talk about money then how will we learn about it?

• Women are still vastly less wealthy than men on average
• 14% of adults have less than £100 savings
• Most people have no clue how much is in their pension and don't even realise it's invested
• The average pension pot is worth just £50k at retirement
• Most people don't know their state pension age
• Most people don't understand the tax rules and £millions of rebates go unclaimed

I could go on .....

Almost every day there's a thread on mumsnet about a women suffering financial abuse and often not realising.

We desperately need to start talking about money!

Its all very well telling people to discuss it but what if you do and they find out your house costs more than theirs or you have more savings than them or have made more sensible decisions than they have.

I know a lot of people who constantly moan about having no money but spend it like it's going out of fashion. A woman I used to work with was constantly going on about how "poor" she was and couldn't understand why and how everyone else had more money than she did. It was because every week she'd come in with a new designer handbag or had booked a new holiday abroad. Others saved their money and invested it wisely and so their savings grew. I did gently point that out to her but she wouldnt have it- she got really arsey because it challenged her narrative of being a "victim".

Discuss it if you want, but be prepared that there are many financial truths that many people simply dont want to hear.

Agree finances should not be a taboo subject. How do we learn and feel empowered to manage money independently unless we share knowledge?!

The difference is what and how much you share

Salaries - transparency within a company is good to encourage fairness. Asking people what they earn in a social setting - no

Savings/investments - sharing best accounts - great. Asking how much people have in them - no

Cost - most things can be seen online so no need to ask!

I steer clear of those who randomly discuss salaries, house costs etc for no reason other than to stealth brag.
I won't be their cup of tea and they won't be mine.

I think it's really sad that someone would feel so closed off about finances that they'd be worried about closer family knowing how much they're spending on a house

I dont think it's sad at all- it completely depends on what your family is like. Not everyone has decent family do they? some families will try to leech off you if they get so much of a whiff of any spare money.

No, I never discuss it with anyone. It's fine if you want to- thats completely up to you, but I am very private and I feel like it's entirely my business.

I think it's really sad that someone would feel so closed off about finances that they'd be worried about closer family knowing how much they're spending on a house.

Also, you know anyone with your address will be able to look it up after you move?

I don't ever discuss money with anyone, this includes my husband. I'd be uncomfortable with anyone else telling me about theirs.

I have a small group of friends and nearly all of us have experienced life changes in middle age - divorce, poor health, death of spouse, children moving out, downsizing etc. we do talk about money sometimes and I see it as supporting eachother.

I never discuss money with anyone, ever. I have been burnt in the past by doing that.

I once mentioned having a small inheritance due to both my parents dying (my mum died quite young) at work and then got a few people asking for loans, assuming I was a millionaire (no idea why they thought that) and expecting me to pay for everything. It was truly awful and I naively thought in a general discussion about money where we were all talking about it they wouldnt focus on it. Sadly, when money is involved people often turn into vultures and it's really quite shocking.

Now, I never discuss it, it's my business and noone else needs to know anything about my finances. Its not because I think its "vulgar", I have just seen how money talk changes people and not in a good way.

Absolutely this

Oh and incredible number of people do not understand fully for example credit cards.

Financial products, options, etc should bw freely discussed. You don't have to say how much you have in them exactly.

As pps said.
Sums are different to financial chats. I am very much pro finance chats and thanks to that some of my friends got better saving accounts than they had, better credit score, cheaper leccy etc.
Eg. I moaned about my saving rate moving down and turned out friend just kept her money in these 0.01% accounts. Few beers later, she had set up x% easy access aaving account. Nothing ground breaking.
Friend's credit score waa like 600. She had no debt ever, no credit and was not on electoral roll because she was in HMO and didn't think it mattered. It did when she needed something. She was refused for rental outside of HMO, moaned, so few of us on evening out helped her out with how to make it better.
Same like someone kindly spent time explain credit score to me when I first heard about it in 2011! By 2016 my non existent credit acore (immigrant) was good enough to get mortgage on ok rate even as ftb with 5% and single income.

Salaries. Especially women should absolutely talk salaries...

Financial talks can absolutely benefit people.

It's up to you. Some are uptight about money talk and others don't mind.

Tricky one. I think in general it can be a bit of a minefield.

But I also think that by treating money as a taboo subject we don't do ourselves any favours, many people's financial literacy is shocking. I work with a payroll department and the number of people I speak to at work that are clueless about their pension, or don't understand compound interest, or how income tax brackets work is really worrying. These are intelligent, professional people but some of them have absolutely no idea about personal finance. I had someone want to turn down a promotion a few months ago because she thought by just going over into a higher tax bracket she would be earning less than she was currently as a lower rate tax payer. She thought her whole salary would be taxed at the higher rate.

I do talk money with a close friend as I know we are in a similar financial situation. It has been helpful to discuss mortgages, savings accounts etc with her. But in general life I don't go round talking about our personal financial situation.

I always talk money with my children who are now adults; how else are they going to learn about it?
When I was younger I had some involvement in payroll and I was shocked by how little people knew when they came to me with questions. Eg they wouldn’t know how much their personal allowance was or anything about tax or NI.
There was a thread on the money boards about a headteacher and a senior officer on large salaries but with huge amounts of debt. A situation I or my children have never been in despite earning average salaries.
So we do need to understand money.

This. It's absolutely no-one else's business

I'm not remotely interested in how much money other people have.
Salaries are banded so no issues there either
-all the we should talk about it, give advice
No thanks
I will carry on being responsible for my life and choices, you do the same.

No one is happy for someone else if they have more money, earned or inherited
It ends up in bitterness and jealousy or they feel entitled to it .
Nope

I'll talk about money with people close to me. Maybe not specifics but whether we or they are struggling, how expensive things were, when friends were saving for a mortgage and doing a renovation.

At work we all pretty much know what each other earn because we know what grades they are and it's transparent which I like.

I would confide in a friend if I was struggling and hope they would with me.

Lots of us are broadly matched in terms of income with some outliers at either end of the scale.

I don't think it's vulgar at all.

But, I have one particular family member who constantly talks about what things cost, how much they earn how much their house was.

When they had lots of money this was very boastful and made others feel bad including how much individuals gave them as wedding cash.

Then their circumstances changed and it's all about how skint they are, how little they earn etc and again, it seems intended to shame or make people feel shit.

Even comments on how much food is in your fridge (a normal amount) or whether you pay finance for a car.

I know why they do it, because they grew up poor and this has created a fixation on money but it's very wearing.

Money is a broad topic, so it depends on the relationship and the context.

The ins and outs of how much money I have and how much I spend, I would only discuss with my dp or my brother. With others, my experience has been like pp, too much chance of someone getting or feeling judged, embarrassed, or hard done by.

If it's general talk about money management, who my ISA is with, budgeting and so forth, I am fine about that.