Not to let in-laws stay?

If they do turn up and expect to stay over, make sure DH 100% does all their food shopping, cooking, cleaning, makes up beds, sorts clean towels etc

MN MIL’s are known to be eager to cause trouble.
If you hadn’t have strayed onto this forum your MIL would have been an angel.

I was thinking the same

Is sil/bil likely to be in touch with mil/fil before dh's birthday? Any chance a quiet word could be had that with you being shattered & heavily pregnant it really isn't a good idea to stay with you, so they book a room at same place as sil & bil?

I think it would be lovely for them to surprise your DH. I also think it would be unspeakably rude not to check with YOU first before making those plans! I can't believe anyone would actually do this, just show up without a word to anyone in the household and expect to be accommodated? And even worse given that you're pregnant with a small child. Madness! Obviously you'd be completely within your rights to direct them to the nearest hotel.

I would find it spectacularly rude if people (whoever they are) just turned up to stay. Honestly, who does that?! 😄

I agree with sending them a message saying you know they love to surprise you and it will be great to see them but please book a hotel.

If they're not dicks, they'll understand or will have already booked somewhere.

This was basically going to be my suggestion, because I think it’s fine to not want overnight houseguests.

I’d head off the worries about a surprise visit by inviting your PIL to come join for day visits/activities on X & Y dates but with them staying in a hotel. You can offset the potential offense of “you can’t stay with us” by being the one to extend the invitation, showing that you (both) do actually want to see them. And, if you’re anything like me, knowing what to expect and having some control will take a lot of the stress and anger out of it.

I’d definitely also ask your DH to take on the planning for meals & activities with his family, including plenty of time with them all out away from your house. Having a schedule in place (ex. On Saturday they’re all going to do X during the day without me and we’ll order pizza and eat a bakery cake at the house after, Sunday we’re going to Y for lunch and then saying bye at the restaurant) will probably help you mentally de-escalate.

Up to DH if he wants them to stay and he's happy to host. Sounds very controlling otherwise.

Hugs OP.

Every pregnancy is different, you know how much you can manage on a day to day leading up to all of this.

My first pregnancy I was literally bed bound. But with my daughter I was on a camping holiday at nearly 37 weeks!

The timing is a nuisance, I'll say that much.

Get sil to speak to her mum re not staying, easy out, imo. I hate people staying at the best of times, being pregnant and quite near term would make me rage if someone pitched up unexpectedly.

I to think the world divides between those who are happy for people to just drop in/turn up to stay without asking and those who hate it. Being pg adds another dimension to it but I'd personally hate it whether pg or not. Some people like to be asked and not have assumptions about their home and time made.

It would be rude of your in-laws to just show up and expect to spend several nights/days as guests. Do you really think they would do this? I can't imagine doing that to anyone, pregnant or not!

Indeed! And there’s a big difference between day visitors and overnight guests!

It’s been a bone of contention in our house, I never mind seeing DH’s family, but then you suddenly find they expect 4 nights accommodation for four guests!

Maybe it is better that they come now rather than just after you have given birth and are sleep deprived with a newborn to care for.

YANBU to expect notice. You would also NBU to expect DH to take over everything related to hosting.

YWBU to say they can't come, how would you feel if DH expected your family to either not come at all, or pay for a hotel when you have a room available?

33 weeks isn't that heavily pregnant, if they don't visit now when would be a good time? You can't complain that they don't make any effort when it's clear you resent them when they do.

If I were you I'd have a chat with SIL, tell her you suspect PIL will turn up unannounced and while you're happy for them to come, for the same reasons your SIL is staying at a hotel, you'd rather they not stay with you. Ask her if she'd find out on the quiet if her parents are coming and do what she can to push them to book a hotel. They're her parents, she'll understand 💐

when I was pregnant and had hyperemesis up until delivery, I faced a similar dilemma. DH had my back all the way. The ILs visited, but they stayed in a hotel. DH did all the work of having them visit during the day. He encouraged lots of outings to see the local sites that I did not attend. Even when they were at the house, if I needed a break, he supported me going for a rest or a nap.

now to this day, the ILs still talk about how they barely saw me in that particular visit. I don’t really know if they think negatively about it or if they say it out of concern. I don’t care to ask follow up questions. I was sick. DH supported me. He still got to visit with his family and I saw them as much as I could manage. That is what matters to me.

Do they expect to be waited on when they show up unannounced like that? A lot of women are martyrs with this stuff. They think it is their responsibility to look after visitors, but personally I would just let DH and family get on with it. I wouldn't be running around after any of them. In fact, I would take the opportunity to hand the child off to DH and grandparents to "bond", then I would rest.

And there lies the reason for your bar being ridiculously low.

People treat you how you allow them to, and yes that includes men.

you would be knocking your pan in cleaning and stripping beds!

Did I miss a post from the OP saying her husband's hands and legs are broken?

Think you're getting a tough time here, I think it's really rude to show up unannounced and expect to be hosted family or not.
It's also not uncommon for babies to come from 34 weeks, it's tough going being pregnant especially when you already have children. I would expect my husband to make it clear that no one was staying in our house in that situation! My family or his. SIL does sound like she's being considerate with hotel.

I think that having people to stay needs to be mutually agreeable for both partners, not just imposed against the wishes of one. And turning up unannounced and expecting to stay, is a very arrogant and entitled thing to do - it assumes you have nothing else going on and are happy to see and host them! Honestly I'd head that off at the pass and contact mil/fil in advance and let them know you aren't feeling up to having people stay right now, if it was in their minds to visit along with sil. Obviously do it nicely but Yanbu to not want to host while heavily pg and uncomfortable.
Plus, men often say they'll do everything but it's rare one who really does and requires no input from their wife!

You can still be welcoming but in smaller chunks of time!

If that's how you feel then fair enough but I can't imagine being like this with my DH's family