To not mention I have 50/50 custody on my dating profile

Having your DC with you 50% of the time is very important to you so surely you wouldn’t be happy not mentioning it? You may have far fewer responses but the ones you do have won’t be put off by your honest and decent situation.

If you have tried being honest and have received no responses then I suppose you feel you might have more OLD chances by omitting your important information and hooking somebody in, only to reveal it later down the line when it becomes a dilemma.

It depends what you want from dating really doesn’t it.
IMO, leaving out the important info at the beginning won’t lead to a serious relationship but may lead to a few brief affairs or ONS’s. Is that what you are looking for?

I’d prefer to know the real situation from the onset.

@WillVioletsDad

'Sorry, it's ridiculous for me to believe that we live in a sexist society?

Surely, there's evidence of sexism everywhere, in how women get lumbered with childcare, get paid less than men for doing the same job, are victims of sexual assault (in a society that teaches girls how not to get raped but doesn't teach boys not to be rapists) etc etc?'

😂😂😂😂😂

If you genuinely believe that utter, utter nonsense than I feel sorry for you and I conclude that you will not be successful in saying unless some god awful extreme feminist takes pity on you!

Eugh well you're a delight. At no point did he say that.

How about “loving and committed Dad to primary school aged daughter”. At least you are vastly less likely to run into paedophiles seeking out single parents than mums on OLD.

I don't think you need to put that level of detail on a dating profile. I think saying you have a child and the age is enough. I think being clear about what you want is more important.

I'm married but if I wasn't married I would happily date a man with children. However, I wouldn't want to live with anyone or take on parenting responsibilities. Someone having 50:50 wouldn't bother me. It would just limit the amount of time we could spend together. Different people want different things.

If you’re 55, it’s worth pointing out the 50/50 because just saying you have a child will lead most people to assume it’s an older teen or adult. It’s not the norm for a 55yo to still have a child that needs looking after, so women will likely be taken by surprise if you later mention it.

There really isn’t any point maximising matches if they aren’t going to go further than chat or one date.

Such a cynical response.

I would just mention that you have a daughter in your profile, then you can talk about custody arrangements once you meet someone you see potential with. I'm not sure most people would take the time to read a very detailed profile, so chances are they'd miss the part about 50/50 custody before swiping.

Fgs, check your bitterness.

Why do we get such awful responses when men post for advice? The OP has written a very thoughtful post and asked for help, where does it say he just wants to get laid. Is he not allowed to want a new relationship? Jeez.

It's actually the opposite of a red flag.

You want people to swipe left who can't accept you're a father and that will always be your priority. You need rid of these women because they aren't in your daughters best interests.

Being a co-parent = not a red flag
Still married= red flag

Personally as a woman of a similar age I wouldn’t date a man with school
age kids so it’s something I’d like to be aware of early on.

I don’t think you need to put that much detail on your profile but you need to bring it up very early in chats, definitely before arranging to meet imo

I think it is important to let people know you are a father - I don't think is necessary to state you are a 50/50 parent but equally I don't think it does any harm. It weeds out anyone who doesn't want to date someone with children.

Honesty is the best policy. I would not be put off by the statement that you have a DD and wish to be a good father to her.

Fellow autistic here.

I found that the compatibility of my matches increased a lot when I mentioned my autism on my profile (further down the bio mind you, it was an answer to one of the questions, if you know Bumble). I attracted more ND men, and there was less sitting across the table from someone looking at me as if I had 2 heads 🙄.

In the year after changing my profile I met several really interesting men who I sadly didn't fancy, and now I'm dating someone who I do! (who is exploring the possibility that he might also be autistic now!)

I'd have thought if he just wanted to get laid the fact he has a daughter would be completely irrelevant because the person or persons he was shagging wouldn't be enough of a part of his life to ever meet her.

OP, I did a lot of online dating before I met DH and I think being upfront that you are a Dad is the best approach, but in terms of how much she's with you that's a conversation to have a bit further down the road from the initial match.

@WillVioletsDad
If I'm honest, I think you're probably putting a little too much in to your profile.
Both my husband and I had about 20 words on ours, and had been at it a long time with varying lengths of profiles.

Especially on the swipe apps, people aren't looking to read a lot. I probably clicked on about 20% of people I swiped on, and would definitely click off if it was long.
In the early days, it's a numbers game, and I found the best strategy was match, see who made the effort to message/respond, exchange a few messages to garner the key details/red flags, book a short coffee date for the next day or so.
Else you can waste so much time reading profiles of people you won't even match with or exchange messages with.

I definitely wasted a lot of times in the early days, but once I switched to treating it as a meeting point - similar to glancing across the bar - and accepted the actual getting to know somebody would happen over coffee, I enjoyed dating a lot more and had a lot more time for life outside of it! I also met a lot of fabulous people who would never be romantic suitors but made great friends!

“Am I being autistic in feeling a need to be over-honest?”

“Info-dumping” is an autistic trait.
I do it all the time (also autistic, late diagnosis).

He hasn't said that….🙄

Forget about the childcare but, 'But I'm thinking maybe that because in our (sexist, patriarchal) society,' that's enough to turn any woman away.

What a ridiculous thing to believe.

“In fact, I find the whole thing overwhelming and depressing, and I often think that should give up the whole thing and learn to be okay with being single.”

There wisdom in this too, OP.
Being in a relationship isn’t the be all and end all.

Perhaps you’re overthinking the whole thing and need to just live your life and be happy.
best wishes to you.