To not mention I have 50/50 custody on my dating profile

Consider what you want and go based on that. It doesn't hurt to have it but I wouldn't be turned on by it thinking wow what a good bloke. I'd possibly wonder whether you'd put it online as a hook but it wouldn't put me off a quick chat and a date.

Tbf though, at 55, all I'd be looking for is dates and company. I'd not be looking to move in with another man. As far as kids go, if be happy to be dads girlfriend to adult kids, not stepmum to littles or teens.

So yeah, maybe put it in your bio or go for coffee early on and be upfront.

I'm 50, have a 11 year old and a young teen, with 5050 custody, so we do exist on dating apps🤣

I was open to someone who had a similar custody arrangement, and I would have discounted someone with kids because they wouldn't have understood the commitment that children involve.

There will be someone out there who will understand your situation, although the challenge you then face is making sure your childcare patterns are in sync.

I think I would take it off the profile but be open about having children during initial chats, for me personally I like that you've got 50/50 and a good relationship with your ex because it reassures me that your not as crazy as some men out there

Don't worry, lots of women will love the fact that you're conscious of this kind of thing.

(I may have included a reference to "overthrowing the patriarchy" in my bio to pre- sort the sheep from the goats)

Best to be up front and tell the truth to prevent heart ache further down the line

I think you should just be upfront with important information and stop trying to second guess yourself so much. Be yourself. Info dump if you want. Either a woman will be into that or she won’t be. I’m happily married but I think you sound lovely and I wish you all the best.

And should have said, he is 53 and I am 48.

Better to be upfront if you want a relationship, say active dad to a primary age child if you don't want to put exact details. I'm your age category and I don't want to date anyone with children under 16 (ish) so best to be upfront. My kids are older and relatively independent so I'm looking for something similar.

I would love to meet a man like you OP. I have young children and would absolutely want to know custody arrangements. So I'd be asking before we even met up if I didn't want to be a weekly step mum. Otherwise I'd be asking on the first date.

We do exist by the way! I met my fiancé on OLD and he is the father of a 10 year old. Just keep going.

It's not good or bad in terms of a value judgement on you. Just be honest and women who are happy to date a father of school age kids will be in touch. Those who aren't (I wasn't), will really appreciate you for your honesty.

I agree its a good shout to make clear they're children not adult kids as in your 50s they could run the gamut from babies to grandparents themselves at a push which may well make a difference to some women.

Jut st say it very plainly for information 'dad of two secondary/ primary schoolers 50/50 ', no need to say they're your priority, life's worth etc etc. that's implicit and comes across brittle.

You know what? I'd like to actually see what you've got as your bio because you sound like an absolute peach and someone would be very lucky to have you. Perhaps you don't need to change anything about it?

I think the important part to have on your profile is that you are a Dad. I think details of what arrangements are in place for your child are not necessary and can be discussed further down the line if you find someone you are interested in.

I’ve only skim read this, but OP you sound gorgeous and a really lovely person and a real catch for someone.

I haven’t done online dating but if I were in that position to do it, I would want people to be honest about their age and their children etc.

You saying the stuff about the patriarchy and sexism only makes you even more attractive to me, so I have no idea what the PP is on about with the comments about this being a no-no.

And your life set up matches mine as I have my kids 50/50 too so I would be interested in you if you said this.

I wish you all the best with finding a new partner. I like a PP’s idea of looking for someone based on shared hobbies and interests rather than OLD, although my ex-H is very settled and happy with a lovely woman he met that way so you never know.

I was going to say something like this. I agree with the person who said to include women aged 45 and older.

It’s more polite to be upfront. At one point there were a bunch of threads in relationships from women dating men who hadn’t been upfront about how many children they had, how old they were, how much time they had them etc. They got responses to say “Well, you knew what you were getting into” but, really, they didn’t.

I think be honest in your profile. I actually decided to meet my ex based on him having 50/50 and my kids dad was so uninvolved I wanted a good father. He then messed me about loads because his ex swapped days/his kids were sick and that decided me he put his kids first so I respected him. It was also a good primer for when we got to living together because if you don't know it's coming having step kids there half the time would be a massive deal breaker for many women

Of COURSE YABU. If you're just out for a few shags with a few women, then no need to mention 50% custody of your children. But if you are looking for a relationship, then you need to mention the fact you have 50% access to your children FFS!

I am not looking for a man (have been happily married nearly 30 years,) but if I was, I would not be interested in a man who has children - under 21.

I have always been of the honesty is the best policy type of mindset. I think it’s wonderful that you are so devoted to your daughter and are prioritising her whilst still being honest and upfront with people that you meet. Too many times you read how people get into new relationships and they forget or don’t prioritise their children. From what you’ve written you seem like a genuinely very nice person and nice people deserve to be happy so I wish you the very best of luck.

When i was doing OLD (a few years ago. Decided to stay single now) I started automatically saying no to men who had 'have a child' on their profile, or even worse, claimed to be a single dad. But that's because every single one of them that i did chat to then cheerfully admitted that they had their child 1 day per week, the occasional weekend. Oh and "it's OK if we want to go on a date, my ex can keep them" Or that the kids could come along on our 1st date... ummmm. Nope.

So, unfortunately, I'd assume you were the same unless you said you were a dad with 50/50 care.

I agree 45+ if I was looking I’d be looking for someone 5+ older than me. Also more likely to have woman with children of a similar age so more understanding of your situation.

As a question: did everyone who has divorced and moved on, on here, wait until the divorce was finalised before starting dating again? Am I being massively out of order here? (Should say, this was one of those things I would mention very early on in chats, but not put in my profile, because I did figure it would sound really bad) Three years is plenty. If someone asks you, say you were married but split up three years ago. No need to say you're still sorting the divorce on the first date, when you do introduce do it as you did here - youre still tidying up the financial arrangement and can't finalise the divorce until that's done.

Fgs just say you have kids and let the details follow in conversation. They don't need to know the ins and outs before they go for a drink with you