To not mention I have 50/50 custody on my dating profile

Id say your pictures will be the most important thing. Online dating success is vastly based on how you look.

Better a liar than a short arse? God, what are they thinking? It doesn't say much for how they view women either. So glad I'm out of all this dating awfulness.

@TwistedWonder that's quite funny. Kind of like gaslighting you about your own height!

I met a man who told me he was 5’11 and when he arrived he was about 5’8/5’9 and yet he still argued with me he was 5’11 and I must be taller than I thought 🤦‍♀️

I would lower your age range slightly, so 45 to 60 or whatever. There may well be mid-forties women with similar age children who are interested, probably more so than women 50 plus who are 99% out of small child rearing and probably not at all keen to go back to that.

My red flag about age is when the man's age range is significantly younger and out of their own age range. So a 60 year old man that puts 40-55. I never ever swipe on them. If they don't want to date their own age, they are not for me.

The thing is that everyone says tell the truth, but if you tell the truth about height, women will discount perfectly nice and not that short men, so I see why they exaggerate. I exaggerate that I'm 'normal' when I'm slightly overweight for the same reason, almost no men put 'overweight' whereas in real life I've found men are interested in seeing me again and don't appear horrified on dates, quite the opposite.

You've got good advice and sound lovely, but don't overthink and I agree with your assessment of the situation, trying out real life situations too is a good idea, not all eggs in one basket.

Just be honest. It's better in the long run. If some woman don't recognise a guy that has an active role in his children's life being a positive attribute then you are probably better off without those woman.

They just want to get through the initial height filters. Once they’ve secured a date then they hope you either won’t notice or will be too polite to say anything.

Or knock 5 years off your age - I’ve had that as well as shorter than advertised

But... how do they expect to keep the pretence going? Just not meet in person??

Just don’t ’embellish’ your height! So many men do this.

I think as you say, we all know that people are putting their best foot forward. I think the 50/50 custody is just not a "need to know" thing at the reading profile point so it feels very slightly off having it in. Having said all of this, having it in or not wouldn't put me off if I liked everything else so I honestly wouldn't stress too much. Good luck!

I wouldn’t mention your family at all in your dating profile.

I see it as a privilege and only if I decide that you’re not a walloper will I actually tell you anything about my life.

I wasn’t interested in men with kids, but if it was an outstanding person who I really liked then I’d consider it.

It would be a good long time in the ‘getting to know you’ stage before your kids are ever on the scene anyway.

Not everything is black and white.

I was going to say it's fine and leave it in as you'll only put off women who'd not be right for you anyway. Then I thought back to my dating days and reading through loads of profiles and going on lots of dates and changed my mind.

I'd say better to just keep the profile short, light and upbeat. I would have been totally happy with a man who had a 50/50 residence of DC when I was dating but did find it off-putting if men explained anything really heavily in their profiles. It can come across somewhat combative or defensive (I can't quite find the right word!) like it could be something that was referred to in future if there were any issues. I'd just tick the "do you have children?" box, the rest can be chatted about later on casually rather than stated up front.

I'm about your age and also a 50/50 parent. I think 50/50 is much more normal now, so I don't think it needs explicitly explaining. I would be very put off by a dad who only sees his child every other weekend under duress, but I think whether or not you're one of those can easily be established over a cup of tea. Tbh, I'm not sure most men would advertise their credentials as a deadbeat dad anyway, so I'd rather ask you about your daughter and see what vibe I got when you talk about her than rely on self-reported facts.

Given your age, it's true that people might expect your daughter to be an adult/YA, but equally I think if you specified both your age and hers, I would also wonder whether your relationship with her mother was e.g. your third marriage or something. So I think you can't entirely control how people react to even very basic information. On balance I would say keep it simple, let people know you're a committed dad to a [teenage, once she is] daughter, and save the more detailed biographical data for the first conversation. Women, as someone said upthread, have other reasons for being tightlipped about their kids.

Good luck with it all. I'm also autistic and think I'd rather die than do OLD. I do know people who have met lovely partners but just thinking about the whole idea of matches and dates and telling an abbreviated version of your life story over and over again makes me want to weep, so well done you.

I would mention 50/50! I met my soon to be husband online & I appreciated how involved he was with his kids. I would hate to see my child/step kids every other weekend. We have 50/50 too.

I'm self-diagnosed autistic, massive over sharer & very chatty. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. The people who don't like my honest, talkative approach are not the right people for me. I would keep going as is, be yourself & you will find a good match 😁

I personally wouldn't mention the specific age of your daughter, I think for safe guarding I wouldn't share too much info of my kid for everyone to see. You could say you have your child 50/50 so there's no confusion re lifestyle?

Just seen your age filters too -that's refreshing as I think most guys put about 20 years younger and cut off lower than their own age. Great you're not doing that but maybe you should open them up a bit to hit others at same stage of life as you, there'd be plenty of single mums with pre teens and teens about 40+ who'd be well used to 55 year olds showing interest on their online profiles so it think you should adjust your age settings too

I think you sound lovely, I wouldn't necessarily mention the exact custody arrangement but might say something about how much your children mean to you and that you have them often.

Why does it require that amount of sugar shovelling though? For the right woman, which is what he's after, it won't really be an issue. I would find that wording so off-putting and it would raise my hackles. Possibly because it sounds a bit like a prepared defence.

For me (granted I wasn't looking for a partner with kids but that may have changed), it would simple data at the OLD profile stage. Same as ages, location and job.

As in how many, rough ages and I'd have assumed some degree of custody but fine to include it to make clear availability. I will make my own mind up whether you seem a loving father and available for a relationship and whatever else is being painted. Just like it's extraneous to write 'GSOH' as people will decide themselves.

Oh and don't knock the Warhammer bros! I've met some amazing ones with fab jobs and lives who've done it as a hobby!

I'm on dating sites. You absolutely should mention it so it can weed out anyone who's not keen and not waste your time.
I would love to have another baby and I don't want to move far from my family work and friends. So if a man does 50/50 and he lives far away from me I would probably rule him out as I know he can't move far from his kids schools and it would be on me to move with my toddler and get stuck in his weird area if it didn't work out.
However if it's a local man I think 50/50 is a green flag as it suggests he's responsible and trustworthy.
If a man only does a little bit of time despite living close to his kid I kind of assume he's either not a good person as he isn't bothered, or there's something dodgy about him and his ex doesn't trust him (the latter reason is my situation with my ex)

I don't date and have no plans to but if I did, I would avoid men with children. I think it's only fair to say that you have children so that those who are not opposed to it are the ones who choose you.

Yep!!
If you're a weirdo trying to attract other weirdos, a long, rambling, detailed profile full of self deprecating humour and obscure references is just the ticket.

(From a self confessed weirdo 😆)

You know OP, you sound adorable, and I think you've garnered quite a fan club already, by posting on here! 😊
Sounds like you want quite a lot of ongoing advice and feedback though- did you know that there's a dedicated OLD thread in the Relationships section, where people gather to share their setbacks and triumphs?!

I think that @NeverDropYourMooncup raises a valid point… it would be difficult to have anything beyond a short fling without the other person knowing that you have a child with you 50% of the time. I would personally think this regardless of whether this was a male or female poster…

I might wonder if he’s one of the types complaining about females invading Warhammer or whatever other neckbeard nonsense 🤔 But maybe I’m just weird in that I would hate short profiles and would
much prefer a long one that did mention hobbies, children, etc. But then again I’m also autistic. I saw my husband’s OLD profile from before we met, God it was awful. I would have never clicked on him! Barely anything there, terrible photos, gave me nothing to go on as to whether I would get on with him as a person.