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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH and toilet habits

179 replies

Baabaasheeps · 12/11/2024 08:02

Every morning my DH sets an alarm for 6am as he has an hour commute to work.

He often gets up then but will spend up to an hour on the toilet. I’m pretty sure he’s watching videos or reading nonsense in there.

Then he will start getting ready etc meaning he doesn’t get into work until late, this means he works late and never gets home before 8pm. We have a baby and a toddler and he’s never back for bedtime and also never helps in the morning as he’s on the toilet!

AIBU to tell him a few home truths? He’s always complaining he is late for work and ‘doesn’t know where the morning goes’.

OP posts:
Quacking4it · 13/11/2024 18:44

Happy ending massage is free

TessTimoney · 13/11/2024 18:42

I've been in a relationship with a lovely guy for 3 months. Three weeks after we met it was my birthday and he bought me a bottle of perfume priced at approx £35 and a lovely bouquet. I was pleasantly surprised and would have been happy with just the flowers. It's his birthday next week and I'm not sure what to buy or how much I should spend. I was going to take him out for a nice meal. Is that enough or should I also buy a gift? Your input would be appreciated..

Quacking4it · 13/11/2024 18:31

I think he does it as a ploy of the daily fail picking up the story from scouting mumsnet threads. This thread made it....

Trixiefirecracker · 13/11/2024 18:31

Switch off the internet.

Washingupdone · 13/11/2024 18:27

Change diet, add lots more fruit and vegetables etc more than usual, so he has no excuse.

TryingToStayAwake88 · 13/11/2024 18:24

We have an open door policy. You don't get to go to the toilet and shut the door. So my husband often poos with 3 children under 3 with him. If I don't get to go to the toilet in peace during the day then he doesn't get to in the morning. That might help speed him up or at least give you 5 minutes peace

Maysurvive · 13/11/2024 18:18

My exH had OCD which resulted in an hour+ in the bathroom every morning but that was a genuine need albeit psychological rather than physical. He also went through 24 toilet rolls a week, 7 bottles of shampoo, 4 bars of soap and a couple of shower gels too so Im sure you'd know if this was your DH's problem! Assuming your DH doesn't have any issue like that, then hopefully a discussion will resolve this.

Deadbeatex · 13/11/2024 18:16

I'd start taking notes, for the next 2 weeks I'd record what time he enters the bathroom and what time he leaves the bathroom. Dont say anything just present him with the times, a daily total of minutes, a weekly total and fortnightly total. Next time he says I don't know where the morning has gone point him to the fridge where a copy of the above is kept forward and centre! If it continues and he continues being a dick about it then whatever his weekly total is, less whatever you think is a reasonable time to be in the loo, he has to "pay you back for" either time for yourself or cold hard cash

Washingupdone · 13/11/2024 18:15

Unplug the WFI until you hear a movement (of one sort or another)?

Comingupriver · 12/11/2024 21:18

Op, you r spoken your truth and then defended him when given advice. Your OP needs to step up and sort himself out.

OuchyEars · 12/11/2024 21:17

😂😂😂

MoonWoman69 · 12/11/2024 21:12

Told my husband tonight about this thread. Told him he risked his arse falling out with the length of time he sits on the loo! He did pale slightly, but I doubt it'll make any difference! He'll be going in to Shady Pines, I'm not dealing with that if it happens!!! 🤣

User19876536484 · 12/11/2024 19:00

ASimpleLampoon · 12/11/2024 17:40

Switch off the WiFi when he's on the toilet

That’s not going to work if he has a phone signal in there.

ASimpleLampoon · 12/11/2024 17:40

Switch off the WiFi when he's on the toilet

Mumofnarnia · 12/11/2024 17:36

FlingThatCarrot · 12/11/2024 16:52

Are your kids up at 6? If so I'd beat him to it. Hide in the bathroom for an hour so he has the kids for an hour. Might make him realise what a knob he's being.

Take a book and a cuppa, some cushions and have a quiet morning lounge jin the empty bath.

People like that seldom realise unfortunately. It’s very likely that all that will happen is he will put the blame on the op, cause an argument and then gaslight the op into thinking she’s being the unreasonable one. He’s already doing that by gaslighting her into thinking that she doesn’t deserve any help and that he shouldn’t need to help her because she’s apparently ‘sat at home all day’.

Dotto · 12/11/2024 17:13

He's a selfish fucker.

Sockss · 12/11/2024 17:03

I agree make it hard for him, get up at 5.55 and have an hour long bubble bath or go to an early exercise class, generally disappear. On the weekend disappear more, every meal
time/bedtime etc.
There was a thread the other week about a posters DH who kept be unavailable around meal time and bed time because he suddenly decided to do a DIY job in his shed.

Dreamskies · 12/11/2024 16:57

Total norm in our house, DP has IBD! He spends every morning on the toilet.

FlingThatCarrot · 12/11/2024 16:52

Are your kids up at 6? If so I'd beat him to it. Hide in the bathroom for an hour so he has the kids for an hour. Might make him realise what a knob he's being.

Take a book and a cuppa, some cushions and have a quiet morning lounge jin the empty bath.

lasagnelle · 12/11/2024 16:48

Could he do an online supermarket order while he's there?

lasagnelle · 12/11/2024 16:47

Baabaasheeps · 12/11/2024 10:33

We have multiple toilets so that’s not an issue. It’s the time taken away from other things. If he was more inclined to he could be out of the door by 7, at work by 8 and ok to leave around 4.30 - 5, home by 6 for bedtime. I’ve pointed this all out and he said it’s his free time and I’m at home all day. Anything I say regarding the amount of time he spends at work gets pushed back on me as I’m not at work atm. I feel like he does have a point in that respect but I never get a minute to myself to go to the toilet or do anything else like exercise etc.

Go sit in the loo for an hour at the weekend on mumsnet

Pippy2022 · 12/11/2024 16:10

His 'free time' is being on the toilet?? 🤣🤣🤣
This thread is killing me because my partner is doing it as well. Always gets back late.

Mumofnarnia · 12/11/2024 15:38

Baabaasheeps · 12/11/2024 10:33

We have multiple toilets so that’s not an issue. It’s the time taken away from other things. If he was more inclined to he could be out of the door by 7, at work by 8 and ok to leave around 4.30 - 5, home by 6 for bedtime. I’ve pointed this all out and he said it’s his free time and I’m at home all day. Anything I say regarding the amount of time he spends at work gets pushed back on me as I’m not at work atm. I feel like he does have a point in that respect but I never get a minute to myself to go to the toilet or do anything else like exercise etc.

So he is using the bathroom as an excuse to escape looking after his baby and toddler then. Because he seems to think he has a god given right to do so by claiming it’s ‘his free time’. That’s your answer then op, he’s in the bathroom to stay away from any responsibility of looking after the children and then putting it all back on you. He won’t change when you return to work after maternity leave, instead he’ll move the goal posts. He’s a waste of space and I wouldn’t be staying with a man who had those views

ginasevern · 12/11/2024 14:10

Floranan · 12/11/2024 08:19

I’m sorry but looking on your phone on the toilet gives the shudders. I know most people keep their phone in the pocket, and I always put my phone on a shelf before sitting on the toilet so I don’t drop it in. I know my husband and daughter do to because they often have to go back to get it.

to sit on the toilet scrolling on the phone is disgusting the germs 🤢. But then I’m like that with books or anything in the bathroom, just do your business and leave, life’s to short to spend it sat on the loo.

It gives me the shudders too, but why take the phone into the toilet anyway? I could understand maybe Heads of State afraid of missing a nuclear alert, but why would any ordinary person take a mobile into the loo with them?