Lost weight, now losing friends!

Give it time. They might not know how to talk to you - they could be concerned about congratulating you in case it doesn't stay off (not saying that will be the case) or be worried that your motivation was that you weren't happy before, or they could just be feeling sad/conflicted about their own weight of its something they aren't happy about ir are now questioning.

If they are real friends the awkwardness will pass. If they aren't then it won't. Just don't burn your bridges too quickly.

With kindness, it's very easy to say that you wouldn't look at them differently when you are the one who is at the end of the journey. You must know from experience that the prospect of losing weight can be a daunting one when looking at it from the very start, and there are probably a while host of emotions that go along with a friend suddenly losing the weight your friends may have been wishing they could lose for years. I think writing this off as 'simple' jealousy is deliberately ignorant.

Is it nice that your friends are acting in this way? No. But humans are complicated. You have admitted that this weight loss has brought new joy and freedom and happiness to you which you are revelling in, as well you should, it's a wonderful achievement - but acting innocent from your new place of privilege and excitement and you pretending you can't possibly understand why they might be feeling some strong emotions about it is tone-deaf.

OP, they certainly aren't real friends, which is awful to find out.
They don't wish you well.
Just see a lot less of them and continue to focus on your health, wellbeing and making new friends.

Better to have found out, despite the upset.

They weren’t, because your friends would never have consciously thought this. If asked before your weight loss, they’d have expressed nothing but support and their wish for you to succeed.

But faced with the reality of that success, they’re dealing with unexpected emotions of jealousy, bitterness and the knowledge that they’d love to do the same but probably can’t/won’t because it’s so bloody hard. It’s rooted in self-loathing and comes out as defensiveness or snide criticism of others in order not to have to admit the obvious, which is they’re not happy with the way they themselves look and feel - the classic move by angry and insecure people is to boost their own self esteem by chipping away at someone else’s.

Regardless, it’s shit to be on the receiving end, and you’re not responsible for their insecurities, nor should you have to pander to them. If they carry on with this BS, sadly they’re no longer your friends in the true sense of the word.

Congratulations btw, OP, what you’ve done sounds amazing.

I'll be your friend OP, you sound smart, insightful and emotionally stable.

Being fat is not a moral failing, being thin is not a moral success (I say that as a lifelong thin person who has done nothing in particular to 'achieve' this body type). People who attach morality to weight or body type (and in turn notions of 'cheating' or 'deserving' and 'undeserving') tend to lack critical thinking skills and are likely to be pretty annoying 'friends' in other ways.

If you think that's not the case here and that your friends do have some capacity for critical thinking, I would make one last attempt to appeal to their better judgement (ideally by posing some reflective questions eg "the moral judgements you made about my weight loss on Saturday were really hurtful and don't stand up to scrutiny, on reflection is there anything you wish you'd said or done differently?"). If they are still hostile after that then, personally, I'd be binning them off.

I think that if they can't be glad that you will be healthy going forward then really, they're not your friends at all. You were part of a little group of validators, and having broken out of your designated role you don't fit any more. Your body shape doesn't validate theirs so you can't be part of the group.

Time to move on, I think, and I'd probably let one of them know why you're leaving them behind to their unhealthy and (inwardly) unhappy lives. They can't be happy in themselves if they feel the need to criticise someone who breaks free of their designated role.

A concern troll? What on earth is that!?
I am expressing a thought as to why her friends may be acting the way they are
So sod off with your name calling

I also think a lot of people don’t like the fact it’s free to some people, whilst others have to work very hard to get the same results.
It’s like when the council give free gym membership to obese people but not to those who are not obese.
I’ve known people try very severe diet plans. They always pile the weight back on when they come off these plans. I never comment on that though. It’s their life and if they want to try it then so what.

So what if she hasn’t worked hard in your view. What difference does that make?

I think the OP realises that. Doesn't make them any less a bunch of dicks or the situation less hurtful does it?

I have a colleague who has been given the new weight loss jabs. I see her as the same person whether she is overweight or not. Tbh though she has become a little sanctimonious. I mentioned that I didn’t do as much exercise as I used to when I was my ideal weight. She quipped that it isn’t exercise that I need.
I don’t like that. Quite frankly she hasn’t worked hard to loose weight. Taking a drug is taking a drug. She also told me that I would not qualify for these drugs on the nhs and they are very expensive to buy.
Ok I get it maybe she thinks that if I took a petite suppressants then I would be back to being very slim and she doesn't like that.
I don’t care.
I've never stopped talking to anyone because they have put on/lost weight it’s pathetic.

I suspect that’s part of it, but not sure it’s the whole story.

i don’t really understand people who are overweight claiming it’s cheating, whilst they sit there overweight and not able to lose it. Seems contradictory. I’d get it if they were doing it the hard way and succeeding, but generally they aren’t.

im on the jabs, if i could do it myself i would, id not have got to being obese, evidentially i clearly can’t. Im still dieting and exercising, because you need to , if anyone thinks I’m cheating then quite frankly I’d feel they were an idiot and break relationship with them, as who wants to associate with a fool. I’m on the jabs as I couldn’t lose the weight, and was developing a lot of health problems. If someone can’t form a rational argument then there is no point even discussing with them. You can’t reason with stupid.

Why is it fair enough for the OP's friends to think the way OP is losing weight is wrong? It's really not fair enough at all. You are a concern troll. It's very annoying.

I was also overweight, 15 stone, I'm on a weight loss injection and lost 3 stone. A good friend of mine was also overweight and last year she lost a ton of weight, I went to stay with her and she was pepidly giving me all her "fat clothes", I felt uncomfortable and a bit embarrassed but I knew she didn't mean it. This year I went back out to stay with her, she warned me she's put all her weight back on through stress, I told her I had lost a bit. When I got there I was expecting her to tell me I looked good, nothing, not a comment, it was bizarre, and I realised then even good people get jealous, I still like her and had a good time but couldn't get over her not even mentioning it, it irked a bit but wjat xan you do. I'm delighted anyway.

Yet it’s strange how many similar stories have been shared on this thread…

Factual
do you see weight loss medication as cheating?

They sound like they've been good and thoughtful friends in the past.

They sound quite politically aware, but I think haven't self reflected on the impact on you of what they're saying, it's a bit 'knee jerk'.

Also humans don't always embrace change readily.

Given they've always been good friends, I would talk to them about this. Good relationships are worth fighting for, in this case I would be talking to them and seeing how they react to the conversation...

You could acknowledge that they might have some responses which come from those big picture concerns like 'should women have to be thin to be successful and loved' (no),
Agree it is worrying that complex interconnected forces of food types and their availability, societal structures and culture has created a situation where so many people struggle to be at a healthy weight and struggle to change, thus need injections to help.

But then, remind them that you aren't and can't be responsible for those issues beyond how you care for yourself.
Tell them that you were pre-diabetic and now aren't, which means you've avoided a serious health issue.
Ask them to remember you are still you, that nothing you've done for yourself changes how you feel about them, but the peer pressure they put on you when you last got together spoiled your meal, they put you under a microscope and you felt judged and uncomfortable.

Ask them to remember that if we aren't judging someone for being fat then we shouldn't be for being thin, and while some of the things they talked about with you are valid concerns on a wider level, for you as an individual all you've done is look out for your own long term issues and used a tool that's available, which happily did help.

Tell them that though people can feel that they 'should' be able to lose weight from will power alone, and many many people have internalised that expectation... The reality is often far far more complicated and include all kinds of emotional and food relationship issues which means it may not be that simple.

That calling the injections a 'short cut' belittles those complex issues for someone who needs that support. Would they point a similar finger at someone using nicotine patches to get off cigarettes for instance? Food might not be cigarettes, but it's misuse can still give health problems and if anything it's harder to to be something a person struggles with as you can't completely abstain!!

Ask them, to remember that there is an individual they care about here, who doesn't deserve to feel the weight of their displeasure being placed upon her when she thinks she's enjoying time with friends who she thought valued her whatever her body shape.

It puzzles me that friendships are the relationship some people expect to never need to discuss between the people in it... All relationships can benefit from a heart to heart about things... Why should friendship be the one relationship that either works or doesn't and when an issue arises we just cut and run.

If you talk to them and they stick to their attitude and how they have treated you since this change then yes, revaluate the friendship... But it's worth fighting for first isn't it.

Given the chance to self reflect where their disapproval is coming from, and whether they really want to channel it into making you unhappy in the group could be all they need to realise what they're doing and stop.

I think the responses would have been completely different if you had mentioned weight loss jabs in the original post.

Basically your friends are feeling that you've cheated your way to your current weight.

Rightly or wrong i imagine (and I don't give two hoots either way) this is the reason for their reaction

But they didn't love you when you were bigger, did they?

Love doesn't change because size changes

So......you've discovered that they felt good and safe around you because you , being large, empowered them in being large

But love? No. Not in my book

Now you aren't large, their axis has been tipped up and they don't feel good and safe around you any more

And in not feeling good and safe about themselves, any more , they take it out on the person who has, in their kinds, messed up their feelings

Frankly, if I were you, I'd dump the lot of them. Horrible people.

Edit, can’t tell if you’re talking about you or the op. As you mix.

It's a thing. Having a fat friend makes them feel good about themselves.
The hysterical rush to judge people losing weightloss jabs, dressed up as faux concern is the same thing.

Ask them. No one on here actually knows what is going on with your friends, it’s just guess work.

Who needs enemies when you have friends like these.

I’ve realised as I’ve lost weight and moved closer to a healthy bmi that my weight loss is more about being healthy than about being slim. When I was bigger I didn’t properly consider the impact that it was having on my health, the only thing I cared about was looking slim. Now that I have that, my driving force for staying slim is to be as healthy as possible. I was pre-diabetic, liver not happy, cholesterol not good, and those are just the ones I know about. I don’t tell anyone I’m on the jabs because I know they would react like your friends have. Weird jealously, envy, resentment, because I’m taking medication that has helped me to no longer have the above health problems? And how is it anyone’s business to quiz other people on what medications they’re taking?

Which is fair enough, and supports my previous post; some think they are the lazy way to lose weight, but most importantly, the LT effects are unknown and people are dying after using them
So maybe ask your friends why they are treating you differently. Either they are disappointed in yourxapproach, they maybe thought you were not a 'jab' dieter, or maybe they are concerned. Or maybe both

I have known this to happen to some people when they go a bit too born again and talk continuously about eating healthy/being slim after years of over eating.

I have experienced what the OP is experiencing, the comments such as you’re getting too thin (I was size 12 and am very short) or people offering me cake all the time.

In my experience it takes people seeing you three times at your new weight to get used to the new you and then the comments become way less. They have to give you a new ranking in the weight ranking, oh Sockss is an average weight now and not the biggest in the group.