Lost weight, now losing friends!

Calm down, you shouldn’t explode like that. And it’s very different to a discussion about the drugs, we all do it and our nsv to posting suddenly on this thread about how great you look.

Jesus Christ a post on mumsnet to total strangers is completely different to gloating to friends! I have barely told anyone I'm on them and while I wouldn't lie if asked I would not entertain any conversation about them as it's nobody's business. However on mumsnet I post lots about them and how amazing they are. Different audiences! Most people IRL aren't shouting about the medication. Why would they?

I think the responses would have been completely different if you had mentioned weight loss jabs in the original post.

WHY??

I’m staggered at the amount of women punching down other women because of their choices in trying to improve their health.

Fat shaming is seen as unacceptable, but slating someone for trying to minimise obesity related health risks using legitimate medication is not? Mad.

Think how much more the NHS could save if all those obese people weren’t obese anymore….lets not pretend obesity isn’t a massive burden on NHS resources, type 2 diabetics takes a big old chunk of the budget, and could very easily be reduced if people lost weight.

its not “cheating” or a cop out - weight loss meds can make it a lot easier for people with food related issues to get a bit of bloody respite and make progress.

@Artistbythewater you keep on going with what’s making you feel healthier and happier 💪

If they don't approve of the injections, they don't have to get them. Whether you should or not isn't up to them.

I've decided against the injections for now. I see my doctor every six months about my diabetes, and we'll discuss it again next time. Nobody else gets a say.

I don’t expect them to be ‘happy’ for me at all, but I expect them to be honest with themselves about why they find this so difficult

you can’t ask them that though. However I see a bit of smugness and gloating creeping in. Amd I say that as someone on mounjaro who gets it. The thrill. The cheek bones. The right choices. The Looking good. The clothes. And I do wonder if this is as one way as you say.

becasye it’s bad how they’ve behaved, but sitting going on about the thrill of looking good and how healthy you are, your great cheekbones and new clothes, in front of a bunch of friends struggling is just as bad. And wholly lacking empathy. And will result in what you experienced.

I know you are saying you didn’t, but you couldn’t resist a gloaty post telling everyone how great you look. Even when it was really not required , tells me there is more to this.

Maybe one or both of them have secretly tried the jabs and they didn't work for them and they're jealous?

Just putting forward another theory!

Many of us (inc me!) are a bit overweight and would like to lose it.However we are not able to get access to injections .You have lost weight and thats good .Your friends are being unreasonable .They see this as a "quick fix" and it really isnt .I think its a shame to lose chums ,as new ones are harder to find when older. I wonder if going for meals is a good thing with them. Presumably you cannot eat very much and they may feel embarassed when going for a pud! perhaps a walk and coffee,trip to cinema, or a trip to the pub may be better ?

Weight and dress size is a massive trigger for women . I remember when I listened to weight and two witches at work started to make my life hell . I had gone under the radar until then . Put the weight back on and was left alone .

@Artistbythewater you need to set some firm boundaries. Your friends keep going back to this subject because they get away with it. I’d have given them a very simple “I am not discussing my body, health or weight loss anymore. Let’s move into another topic, I am happy, I am healthy and that is the last I will say on the matter, as my friends please respect that and let’s have a nice evening”

Then if they pushed the boundary again you don't respond, you stay silent for a few seconds, look at them calmly and then bring up another topic. Rinse and repeat. And if they push harder you get up and leave the table, say you really can’t keep going round in circles on this topic, you value their friendship and company but right now you feel ganged up on and bullied when all you’ve done is work in your own personal health, something which doesn’t impact them. You’ve said you don’t want to have this topic brought up and they are disregarding your feelings, so you’ll see them another day when your weight and body shape isn’t the main conversation.

i have lost 100lbs myself, I’ve never had this with my friends/family but I have had to put firm boundaries in place in other aspects of my life, and yes it’s hard at first but years later I realise how much damage I was doing to myself by allowing such bad behaviour from others. It’s important you set the precedent now.

God yes. My own mil was incredibly jealous of my weight loss. She would visibly bristle and look angry when she heard me get compliments. A neighbour also lost some weight. I mentioned how well she looked when I got inside and mil immediately spat out something about her bad dress sense.

I had this when I lost a chunk of weight. I was young and bmi 23, absolutely didn't look too thin or ill but one skinny friend said I was losing too much. She was smaller than me still. Dickhead move.

I don’t think it’s a place of privalge. How did we get to a position where anyone would think being a healthy weight is a privalge.

the poster is right, your snippy tone is an example of the issue being raised on this thread.

It's awful isn't it, thinking that your friends thought of you as the reliable fat friend who looked worse than them. It's insecurity. A true friend would just be glad that you're happier!

I said nothing about how she lost the weight. Nothing. You have brought that to the table.

When someone loses weight, they have absolutely gained a position of privilege - in terms of health, in terms of happiness, in terms of societal acceptance - and for those who are still standing back at square one it can cause some difficult emotions.

I didn’t say it wasn’t! It’s just sad that she felt she had to specify it was a response to “accusations”.

Most people go one of two ways. Those who obsess about their own weight and think they're too fat will tell you that you've lost too much, are "gaunt", that they don't recognise you and that you need to stop. Those who have always been slimmer will very clearly, if not explicitly, communicate that they were right all along and thank goodness you've come to your senses. In the process making it clear that they despised you all these years.

A very few (and thankfully I have some in my life) will be happy for you achieving your goals.

It is a mental, social and psychological minefield.

To be fair to Lizzo the Halloween costume was a clap back to South Park and it was funny

it's a wonderful achievement - but acting innocent from your new place of privilege and excitement and you pretending you can't possibly understand why they might be feeling some strong emotions about it is tone-deaf.

And this is precisely the sort of problem the OP is facing. Apparently now weight loss is a “privilege”. Would it still be a privilege if she’d done it the “right” way, I wonder?

I saw recently that Lizzo went to a Halloween party dressed as an Ozempic syringe in response to what she described as “accusations” that that was how she’s lost weight recently. I was angry to see she’d used that term - but really, my anger was misdirected. I should have been annoyed with the people who act like you can diminish the achievement of weight loss by acting like medical help is “cheating”. No wonder it feels like an accusation.

It's like when someone in your friendship group stops smoking or drinking. You're no longer doing what your friends are doing: you've examined your life and changed your habits. Other people can get a bit arsey about this but with luck things will settle - congratulations on your weight loss and the wonderful boost to your health

The other key point is this is women on women. We have a male friend who has lost several stone, literally, after being obese for decades. I strongly suspect he’s using medication to help him on his journey and not admitting it. All the men in the group are nothing but pleased for him, and give it little to no notice other than a passing well done mate. From the fit to the fat, there is no judgement. They don’t care about his weight other than from a health perspective. The women talk about it much more, but there is no envy or judgement, I assume as he’s a man, that comparison or competition doesn’t exist,

but woman on woman. That’s a whole different ballgame. One of the women in the group recently lost weight, she was always an upper but flabby healthy weight but became fit. No jabs, just exercise classes, and When she walked in after not seeing her for a while, I told her she looks great, you could see she’d lost weight and looked fit, and another woman turned round and said for “for christ sakes look at the state of your legs, they look like they could snap. “ they didn’t, they looked fit and toned, and the woman who made the comment, she is the fattest in the group. So She immediately made a bitchy comment. She didn’t do that to the man who lost several stone. I can only assume as it didn’t reflect on her as much, but her go to for the woman was to immediately have a go.

Even some of Adele’s fans vilified her for losing weight, saying she’d betrayed them. It’s so twisted.

what i wanted to say but much more concise and better!

well done op.

change can be difficult. i don't understand the sneering at people who are on meds to help with trying to lose weight. being overweight has serious health implications and the cause can be difficult to resolve, because for lots of people there are emotional factors that aren't as straightforward as 'eat less move more'. if there is help available then why wouldn't you take it?

people can be funny about what they see as cheating. i think it's tied to a view of overweight people, especially women, as being lazy and unmotivated and less disciplined. losing weight the so-called traditional way through restriction is acceptable, because going without is the penance you have to pay for being overweight in the first place. having help looks like a sidestep of that; you're getting a taxi to the finish line instead of running the marathon.

utter bollocks - help or not you still have to put in effort, and you have to retrain your habits and sort out the root cause in order to maintain a healthy weight esp when you finish meds. but people can be funny about it. emphasising the difficulty means that they can comfort themselves about why they haven't done it.

to be fair it is bloody difficult, but that goes back to the first point about why not accept help when it's offered? equally if i decide not to accept help but someone else does, why do i have the right to judge them? I've lost 26lbs since 1 jan by changing by diet and upping my exercise. i have a friend on mounjaro and we're doing a weight buddies thing at the moment. me losing weight is not any more or less valid by her losing weight using a different method.

focus on you. it's a great result and you should feel happy about it.

Society is so messed up with moral judgements linked to weight!
The whole big = lazy, stupid
thin = disciplined
that people think that the jab is a get out and circumnavigating the above. You only have to read some recent threads here about life long slim people being cross that others have access to tools to be slim... Very much as "know your place fatties"