Lost weight, now losing friends!

I get this. I lost 5.5 stones a couple of years ago. It suddenly was a free for all to comment on my body. I hated it.

My body shape is none of your business. I also felt that as they only commented now I'd lost the weight, they must have previously thought things that were unacceptable to say. If that makes sense.

One friend in particular was really horrible and I no longer see her. She acted as if I was now part of her 'slim club' and would now wish to join her in slagging off those that " look like they enjoy a pudding or two"

I've put back about a stone, not deliberately,and actually feel much better as no one is commenting again

That's very strange. If my (overweight) friend lost weight and said they felt much better and more confident because of it, I'd celebrate with them. But I'm an average weight and broadly happy with my body.
You're not responsible for them knowing that they need to lose weight too but not having the will power to do it. Ignore. It will pass.

It makes me wonder whether it’ll become the ‘I had an all natural, drug free birth’ of the weight loss world…

Snap. That was my first thought as well. It reads like I put the effort in. I’m sure the poster didn’t mean that, and fully understands you need to put the effort in with drugs, but it raised my eyebrow also.

Well done on a great loss.

Curious as to why you needed to state that you didn’t use drugs though?

I also lost weight for health reasons. Going from size 20 to 10 in 20 months to 8 stones.
No drugs. Just less carbs and eating 5% or less fat and sugar per 100g. Brown rice, pasta, bread etc. Less carbs. Lots of salad and more veg. I don't drink alcohol anyway.
My friends are fine with it. Some have gone up a couple of sizes recently. Is strange being the skinny one having been overweight all my life since Junior school. Though due to my age has caused more wrinkles. But I feel well and am healthier.

@Disturbia81 yes could be? I hate hearing people, women especially, describe themselves like that.

@LushLemonTart I'm your height and look good at 13 stone too, that poster might be short

I'm 13 st and curvy. I don't look like a pig. I'm 5 ft 8. But if that's how you feel ditch the weight. I need to but am doing it slowly. Ditch the 'friend ' too. Jealous friends aren't real friends.

I've lost around 3 stone and my very closest friend said "Oh wow, you're a bit too thin now, maybe you need to eat more".

But I know its because she is bigger than she has ever been due to two close in age children and having no time.

I think it’s more the friend wants the poster to be fat like her. So similar I think to your issues with your friends.

I am 13 stone when I should be 9.5
I used to be size 10 and looking amazing. A friend of mine who is very overweight told me I was too thin when I was 9.5 stone. Every time I try to lose weight she tells me I look amazing at 13 stone and why do I need to lose weight? I look like a pig, I feel unhealthy.
I now realise she is not a very good friend.
Thank you for opening my eyes.

Divorce rate in the UK is 42% so there are a lot of marriages on the rocky side as it is. I doubt the weight loss is really what sunk the marriages in the doctor story. They were likely already doomed.

In context, @KM123456 said that her doctor friend said that as the weight changes, the relationship changes and that this could be what is happening with the OP's friends. I agreed with my personal story, it was true for me. I didnt say that it was true for everyone, simply put forward a hypothesis about why this may be for some people.

Why are you so fixated on this?

I am really not being unkind, but it does sound like your are very insecure about this potentially being true. Is your DH thinking about the jabs to lose weight and its worrying you that this may become an issue in your marriage? What are you worried about? Is it that with this information he may realise that he could leave you and move on and you dont want him to know that?

It really is coming out that you are worried, and I am sorry for that. It wasnt my intention to upset anyone by sharing the truth of what happened to me.

You're right - it has and I've absolutely been clear why.

People in desperate to lose weight do not need to hear that their marriages will fail. I want my husband to lose weight, it's in his best interest. If a doctor said to him that him losing weight would mean the end of his marriage (his marriage failing)....it would be the kind of thing that would absolutely throw him off. You think he'd choose to lose me, our house, to go through shared custody of our children, or just stay fat? He'd choose to stay morbidly obese. He'd use it to justify his eating behaviours, he'd use it as another reason to not get down and do it.

Ok, put it this way - if a doctor said here's some life saving drugs - but you're going to gain significant amount of weight taking them and that will lead to your marriage failing - you'd surely be saying - a doctor can't say that. They can't know if my spouse will stand by me or not if I gain weight, Surely?

I feel like I'm in an alternate universe right now. I've gotta step away. This is absolutely bonkers.

you guys do you. It's bonkers. It's wrong. It's unethical. It's dangerous. But pile on away - you get on with telling morbidly obese people that their whole life, their relationships andbfamilies will all fail when they lose weight. Cool.

You've agreed with a post that says everyone who is morbidly overweight will get divorced sorry, no you are right - 'marriage will fail' and that doctors should inform people of this as a side effect of dieting.....

What's another word for a 'a marriage that's failed', dunno - is that divorce?

Does sound like a raw nerve has been triggered here for Polly.

At no point did I, or @KM123456 mention divorce. Only you did that.

Further, 25% of the population are obese and you are very small fraction off "overweight" if you are in that category. So your post that all obese people are a fraction off "Morbidly Obese" simply isnt true.

Then maybe you should be more clear.

Because your post was in agreement with someone saying that she knew a doctor who told all patients losing weight that they would get divorced. What did I misunderstand? Because you said 'yes - when you think about it logically' and then you proceeded to list out all the reasons why you thought her statement about weight loss = divorce was true.

And then you doubled down on it and started talking about divorce as a side effect that a patient should know about!

What did I misunderstand that you could have made clearer?

And I stand by what I said. That you are misunderstanding me.

ETA...... I think that your own insecurities are far more at play here than anything I said. I think that idea that your husband being told that his marriage may be at risk if he loses weight, perhaps because he could leave you, has hit some nerve. Otherwise your post makes no logical sense at all.

I stand by what I've previously written.

25% of the UK are classified as obese and you fall into that category when your BMI is just a fraction off morbidly obese - right? So we are talking millions and millions of people - somewhere in the region of 10-17million people. And you're saying, from some pop psychology, these people are in abusive relationships and will get divorced if they lose weight....and that maybe all those millions of people should consider this before starting a diet?

I want my DH to lose weight because every day I'm scared he might have a heart attack and keel over. This is exactly the kind of crap he doesn't need to hear.

You think telling him that if he loses weight he will absolutely get divorced - and his answer to that would be - oh well thanks for letting me know the side effects doc - let's proceed with my diet.....

Take a minute to think this through. I could g
understand - 'losing weight may mean some shifts in your closest relationships as you redefine yourself and there may be a period of adjustment' - but to flat out say divorce.....that's dangerous.

I think you are misunderstanding me.

Was there a power imbalance when you got together? Has he always been MO?

If not then none of what I wrote applies to you so I am curious why you are so offended by it.