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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did I completely F up with the guy I’m seeing?

180 replies

RealAquaCat · 11/11/2024 19:03

Hi!
So I’ve been chatting to a guy for a few weeks and we’ve had two great dates. At the weekend completely out of the blue while he was out with friends he sent me a message saying ‘all the best’, which was strange and I replied saying ‘all the best to you too’, I then received a video message of him and his friends saying ‘all the best’ 🤔 I took this to mean that this was an immature way of saying he didn’t want to see me again? (this man is 32 years of age btw…)
i’d had a few drinks, and I ended up messaging him saying along the lines of ‘if you don’t want to speak to me anymore then you could just say that, this is the most childish and pathetic thing I’ve ever witnessed’. The next day he messaged me saying ‘wait what? When I say all the best I don’t mean it like that, I’m sorry if that’s how it came across’. We’ve exchanged a couple of messages since, although the conversation between us has pretty much died a death.

My question is, would you have taken his messages the same way I did or AIBU? I do regret sending the message and wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for the wine, I’m so gutted about this as he seemed great and I loved getting to know him 🙄

OP posts:
Waterboatlass · 18/11/2024 08:52

I don't think it's a fun message either. he was a fool for getting his mates to record a drunken message that could so easily sound jeering even if it was making a joke of an unintendedly awkward turn of phrase

fortunefavoursthesilly · 18/11/2024 08:16

Partylikeits1985 · 18/11/2024 08:07

It wasn’t a fun message it was a stupid message though if they were drunk I suppose that would explain it.

If he didn’t like her response maybe he’ll think twice about texting people nonsense next time.

Show quote history

I agree, it wasnt "fun". "Fun" would be sending a message saying have a wonderful night or thinking of you or here's to a great night etc

"all the best" is confusing and weird and has zero context to it, it comes across as taking the piss with his mates all shouting it.

samanthablues · 18/11/2024 08:15

You have to be quite passive aggressive to interpret a “thumbs up” as passive aggressive.

Partylikeits1985 · 18/11/2024 08:11

NeighbourHitMyCar · 11/11/2024 19:29

All the best to me is a bit like a thumbs up emoji... a passive aggressive 'fuck off' so I would have interpreted it the same way as you.

I think he sounds quite immature to be honest so I'd perhaps let the conversation die out

I have this on my wall in my home office along with a few others... all the best belongs with them as far as I'm concerned!

Oh dear. I often respond to messages on Vinted with a thumbs up emoji. Are you telling me I’ve actually been telling them all to fuck off 🙈

Partylikeits1985 · 18/11/2024 08:07

samanthablues · 11/11/2024 19:16

I feel sorry for the poor fella, he was having a few beers with his friends and just sent you a fun message but you acted really strange and freaked out on the poor guy. I don’t blame him for not wanting to text you again, I would be scared too.

It wasn’t a fun message it was a stupid message though if they were drunk I suppose that would explain it.

If he didn’t like her response maybe he’ll think twice about texting people nonsense next time.

samanthablues · 18/11/2024 07:55

Stillwater001 · 18/11/2024 06:58

We females think too much about what males say and do. 32 is very young for a male (so is 60 btw!!). Make a habit from now on to just ignore childish play on his part. If you like him and want to be with him then try not to react to such actions. Talk to your girlfriends and complain about his childishness but do not confront him (unless of course he is downright rude or violent or mean that is a different game that goes without saying). If he does something a little silly like what he did do not try to read in that he was being manipulative. Women are the manipulative ones. Men are just childish and get each other going. Also, playing the silly game back to him will not work with men. The subtly of these actions is a female one. With men things are more black and white while they are more childish and immature than females (generally speaking). Always exceptions but this is a safer rule I believe. Others no doubt will disagree but I can tell you my dear sister, I have alot of experience with males.

I agree he sounds a bit immature sending that ambiguous message but she sounds equally immature by jumping to conclusions right away and going bananas on him. Two immature people make a bad combo.

Waterboatlass · 18/11/2024 07:44

It was weird, and possibly a miscommunication but clearly you don't usually say 'all the best' if you'll be texting the next day. It sounded quite final and he then gets his mates involved.
This would have been humiliating if it had meant what you thought. You then saying 'childish and pathetic ' means it's boiled over what can probably be brought back after just a couple of dates. I feel it's one of those you will never 'win' if you do get in contact so would leave it. Definitely don't grovel

Reminds me a bit of someone I really liked sending me a very inappropriate picture (not sexual or offensive, just looked much worse than it was without context. He was an idiot to send it). I was truly taken aback and replied on the defensive. So did he and it was too early to come back from. There sometimes isn't the goodwill early on to get past stupid mistakes but actually I thinnk both examples are probably indicative of differences that would have cone up later.

Stillwater001 · 18/11/2024 06:58

We females think too much about what males say and do. 32 is very young for a male (so is 60 btw!!). Make a habit from now on to just ignore childish play on his part. If you like him and want to be with him then try not to react to such actions. Talk to your girlfriends and complain about his childishness but do not confront him (unless of course he is downright rude or violent or mean that is a different game that goes without saying). If he does something a little silly like what he did do not try to read in that he was being manipulative. Women are the manipulative ones. Men are just childish and get each other going. Also, playing the silly game back to him will not work with men. The subtly of these actions is a female one. With men things are more black and white while they are more childish and immature than females (generally speaking). Always exceptions but this is a safer rule I believe. Others no doubt will disagree but I can tell you my dear sister, I have alot of experience with males.

Lorrainedrops · 18/11/2024 03:44

MumOfOneAllAlone · 11/11/2024 19:33

If someone sent me a video, with him and his mates saying all the best, I'd think I was spectacularly bring dumped and he was a prick for doing it like that. It's the only way to take it

As pp's have said, maybe invite him out for a drink to discuss it

For me, I'd start to lose respect for him - theres no way his mates didnt know how it would come across, even if he didn't.

It makes me think he's not the leader of his friend group, and that they were messing with him

I agree. Or he's got confused with cheers 🍻 lol

Owl55 · 17/11/2024 22:29

Could a mate have pinched his phone and sent the message?

coxesorangepippin · 17/11/2024 22:22

Who says that??!?

(Him, obviously 🤔)

pollymere · 17/11/2024 22:21

daisychain01 · 17/11/2024 20:09

He doesn't want to see the OP again.

why ask when the response will be no thanks, or he will just ghost her. Not a very positive prospect.

Show quote history

That's not what the OP said in later messages... She said she was too embarrassed to try and make contact again.

YankeeDad · 17/11/2024 20:56

NeighbourHitMyCar · 11/11/2024 19:29

All the best to me is a bit like a thumbs up emoji... a passive aggressive 'fuck off' so I would have interpreted it the same way as you.

I think he sounds quite immature to be honest so I'd perhaps let the conversation die out

I have this on my wall in my home office along with a few others... all the best belongs with them as far as I'm concerned!

Sorry to derail but if “Kind regards” is actually a way to say “fuck off”, “Best regards” is pretty standoffish, and “Regards” actually means anything but, then is there any nice, warm signoff in England that stops short of “Love and kisses” ?

daisychain01 · 17/11/2024 20:09

pollymere · 17/11/2024 19:33

Why not just suggest you meet up for a drink and both apologise for the confusion?

It seems a silly thing to have pride over.

He doesn't want to see the OP again.

why ask when the response will be no thanks, or he will just ghost her. Not a very positive prospect.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 17/11/2024 19:35

I don't think I'd have known how to take that video without knowing the guy really well. The main thing is whether you want to carry on seeing him. Good luck whatever you decide.

pollymere · 17/11/2024 19:33

Why not just suggest you meet up for a drink and both apologise for the confusion?

It seems a silly thing to have pride over.

sidebirds · 17/11/2024 19:06

HollyKnight · 16/11/2024 20:44

You barely know him. At this stage you're both learning about each other, including how you communicate. Unfortunately your reaction gives a hint to how you respond to miscommunication and therefore conflict. I wouldn't date someone who goes on the attack like that.

this

sidebirds · 17/11/2024 19:05

IamnotSethRogan · 16/11/2024 20:16

I'd have thought he was out and thinking of you and couldn't really think of how to say it, then you said it back and all his mates absolutely took the piss out of him for saying that (probs when he went "wtf did I say that")

i thought the exact same thing

Diidlysquat · 17/11/2024 18:49

i think he was being friendly - where I come from it’s a wam sign off ❤️😂.

peanutmother · 17/11/2024 18:43

If he likes you, he will be back in touch

peanutmother · 17/11/2024 18:39

Dont beat yourself up

He was definitely trying to end it

Hankunamatata · 17/11/2024 18:34

All the best where I come from is like saying cheers when drinking.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 17/11/2024 18:30

I think he feels shit you pulled him up on it and had tried to confuse you even further.
That isn’t a fun message to send anybody. If he had sent it by accident he’d have been mortified but he’d done nothing to apologise.
Leave him in the past.
Him and his friends sound like a gang of idiots.

Jack80 · 17/11/2024 18:26

I would have messaged saying is this for me?

Nerlin9812 · 17/11/2024 17:49

I’d have thought he was ending it too in a very childish way.
maybe it’s some in-house joke type thing with them but it is odd. May explain why he’s single if he does things like this. Also if he’s backed off you may have had a lucky escape if he didn’t see how stupid it was

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