To not like a friends kid?

Do you Need to like her? Just accept that that's the way it is, , she's not yours find something else to worry about. In every group, every class etc you,your child, will come across a huge range of behaviours, both acceptable and unacceptable just give her the tools to recognise that she can do her own thing.

Agree with this.

I took my DD to lunch with a (no longer but not to do with this) friend. Her DS was banging his cutlery about, being really loud and running about while other people were trying to enjoy their meal. She didn't say a thing, almost as if she thought it was funny. My DD then thought she could do the same. I quickly told her she wasn't allowed. I did quietly tell her that different parents allowed different things so as not to embarrass the ex friend, but in hindsight I shouldn't have cared. If they're fine with it then up to them, if they're embarrassed then it means they know it's wrong.

I meant at school but yes my 3 learnt from me but maybe said child has learning difficulties, I thought saying didn't like child and feral were a bit ott

Op YANBU. If it’s making life difficult I would distance or even ditch. Life is too short to hang around with dipsticks who can’t manage their feral offspring.

Children don’t just ‘learn boundaries’ at some vague point in the ‘near future’ - the parent has to instil that from an early age! At 3, they should already be used to being given simple expectation commands such as holding mummy’s hand, sitting nicely, no running in the cafe etc.

We’re not your friend, we don’t like you. The kids are 3yr

Normal behaviour.

My DD used to come back from the CM stating that x or y said that. At CM mostly girls. And some of them were just over 2 when they started saying that nonsense.

At nursery mostly boys so they tended to disrupt games instead.

Btw if the adult is your friend she shouldn't be offended if you redirected her child's poor social behaviour, and vice versa. Though my friends can tell my DD off, and anyone who sees my DD doing something dangerous is welcome to stop her.

It's nothing wrong with the child (I presume). It's her mother's lack of parenting that's creating this problem. Raising children is hard but when you put all your heart in it you tend to have limited patience with lazy parents and their offspring. One of mine was a freak show but it was my freak show and I made sure that noone else got bothered even if that ment me being on the playground instead of talking to the mums on the benches.

Don't think it's very nice you saying you don't like her child and that she's feral! Obviously they are pre -school age so her child will learn boundaries in the near future. Personally I would distance myself for now but stay friendly if possible

Time to end this friendship
Try and get your DC into a different school.

I went away with my 2yo and my friend and her 2yo who had no bedtime, no volume control and unlimited snacks. We just won't go away together again. My 2yo copied everything (or tried) and was a nightmare for weeks after.

I agree with outdoor or playgroup/soft play meet ups only. Friend's child is never the worst one at soft play.

How has she said she is an excellent parent, and is right you can set boundaries for your child but when they see another child doing something they wouldn't normally be allowed to do and getting away with it they can try to copy the child to see if they will also get away with it resulting in an awkward situation when OP corrects her child while the other child continues to get away with it.

Sometimes friendships don't last when things change ie kids come along.

I would just discipline your own child as you usually would and explain to them that other parents may parent differently, but as your DC, it's up to you to decide what is and isn't ok behaviour.
If the other mother is offended by that it isn't really your concern. I agree with you though, I wouldn't allow my child to run wild when out in a public place.

Just wonder if there's something else going on for the child. They could be Neurodivergent. Behaviour is communication. The rambunctious behaviour is trying to say something.

I agree with seeing this friend less and then gradually phasing out. If you do meet, outside seems best. I personally wouldn't bring the subject up- it's very difficult thing to say without hurting someone's feelings, no matter how well phrased or intentioned. I don't think any good would come of it. Three is a difficult age, my son way worse at three than any other age! They might call down as they get older but for now I would just concentrate on developing other existing friendships.

Can you not just see the friend a bit less, if you think her child is having a negative influence on yours?

Of course if they go to the same school there's not much you can do - although you can still distance from the friend if you want to.

These situations will happen in life though... your child will meet people at school/ out in the world and you will have no control over it... it is just part of life really.

In a way you have to accept it and hope that your kid makes good decisions about who they want to be friends with.

I kind of agree with you but I thought the children were school age. Three years old is very young to be called feral. In my family two were really well behaved one less so ( although luckily more at home than when out). I believe some children will be lively regardless of the skills of the parent.
I have a friend who had one exceptionally well behaved and three completely wild ones. We would never have met up in restaurants (I would with other friends) in the park or days out to the beach. I looked after my children and she did the same with hers. We had different boundaries but this did not affect our friendship or the childrens ( although sometimes I thought I would die of embarrassment).
often one would ask to come out with me, I would say yes as long as if I ask you not to do something you stop and they generally would.
I am so glad we made the effort, all children are grown and get along. My friend has been there for me through thick and thin and hopefully she feels the same.
I know you do not mean to be smug and that you are asking for advice. Mine would be, if you like the mum do outdoor activities.
I had a strict upbringing and was always well behaved yet friends who were allowed to run wild, swear and be cheeky have grown into lovely well balanced adults.
Could you two have a coffee sometime and someone else mind the children? This could be a mum who looks laid back (she might be) but could be at her wits end?
Good luck to you both

I'd be careful how you talk about how wonderfully behaved your child is in public etc - she might turn out to be the worst behaved child at her school.
I speak from the experience of my own DS - brilliant with me - horrendous when I'm out of sight because he feels like he suddenly has freedom.

All I'd say is they change so quickly. DS has a few friends I really don't like right now, for many of the same reasons you've listed. But, I'm constantly reminding myself that they're 5, and therefore the way they are now is unlikely to be reflective of them at 10, 15, 30 etc. Where we live we're likely to be in their circle right up until the end of secondary. Maybe they'll grow apart before the end of secondary, maybe they won't, but unless one of us moves it's likely we'll still see them either way.

So, right now we're distancing a bit (not doing playdates etc) as I don't want certain behaviours in my home, but they hang out at school and have each other on their birthday party invite list etc. Don't want to be trying to drive a wedge between them because in time (could be 6 weeks, months, years etc) everything could be different! Maybe it might even be my DS's turn to be the less desirable friend. Who knows! Perhaps the high octane years will be something we look back on and perhaps laugh about.

At least that's what I tell myself when I find myself cursing under my breath at another story about 'x' being a cruddy influence in the classroom.

It's not rocket science... you were friends before having kids, just see them alone with no kids.

Although to be honest, you should do her a favor and end the friendship. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who goes on MN to bitch about my kid being feral because they run around a restaurant???

Perhaps your DD will embarrass you with her behaviour in the future. Maybe she's going to be a bit or an unruly teen and your friends daughter will be an angel - how would you feel then if your mate dropped your friendship because your DD was acting out? You'd probably feel quite disappointed.