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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What is it about men ? ( in swimming pools)

262 replies

Ramblingnamechanger · 11/11/2024 16:34

Another argument in the pool today. Several lanes available to share…one with 2 guys , ours with 2 women and one mixed. The man who arrived later chose ours. Nearly headed into me at 50 mph. I challenged him and suggested he moved into the lane next door with faster male swimmers. He said that he did not want to swim in the lane with the side of the pool. I said my preference was to swim in peace with other women and why was it that my preference was seen as not as important as his . He insisted that he would stay . I told him it was a macho view and we women should have our views and wishes given the same weight. So fed up that again an entitled male pushed it even when challenged.

OP posts:
boulevardofbrokendreamss · 11/11/2024 17:25

Male and female has nothing to do with it. Some people are dickhead swimmers. End of. I can outpace pretty much everyone at my pool, I don't want to be in a 'female' lane. I want to be in a fast lane. Follow etiquette, if someone is being a dick get the lifeguards to deal with it.

ssd · 11/11/2024 17:23

Blimey. I get men can be annoying in the swimming pool but you are trying too hard with the feminist angle op. You sound a bit unhinged.

itsgettingweird · 11/11/2024 17:22

Our fast lanes state can swim 25m in 30 seconds repeatedly.

So many times when my ds has been lane swimming he's had older men and woman tell him he shouldn't be lane swimming - because he does 50m in less than 30 secs at speed and comfortably at 30 when swimming aerobically. (Fly and free)

The truth is that people get very territorial over swim lanes and how they should be used. Rarely there is a definitive right or wrong party.

I imagine he stayed because you basically told him he wasn't welcome in a public space he had every right to be in.

It's the sort of thing I'd do - and I'm female 🫣🤷‍♀️

Superworm24 · 11/11/2024 17:19

YABU and it's not for you to police. Maybe you should book a pool to use privately?

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/11/2024 17:13

It's still only her side of events.

I mean, that's MN.

FreshOutOfFucks · 11/11/2024 17:08

I stopped swimming because I was so sick of men dominating the medium lane with all their thrashing about. It's always middle aged men, too. They don't want to go in the fast lane with the fit thirty somethings because it hurts their egos.

I wish our pool would do women-only sessions.

potatocakesinprogress · 11/11/2024 17:07

Didimum · 11/11/2024 17:03

The lanes should really be marked by speed – the ones in our local pool are and never heard of this happening. It’s not a sex issue. Bring up with the pool.

Of course it is, men swim faster than women.

They're also a lot splashier and generally lacking in self-awareness. Women are more considerate in the pool.

Our pool has women-only sessions and they're much more civilised.

The rest of the time you'd think the men were involved in a shark attack.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 11/11/2024 17:05

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/11/2024 17:02

OP could come back and clarify.

It's still only her side of events.
I'm sure the lady who I used to find really irritating at lane swimming might tell a different story - she might have found me really irritating, or not even noticed me and found another swimmer even more a pain in the bum! It's all perspective.

Didimum · 11/11/2024 17:03

The lanes should really be marked by speed – the ones in our local pool are and never heard of this happening. It’s not a sex issue. Bring up with the pool.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/11/2024 17:02

OP could come back and clarify.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 11/11/2024 17:00

5128gap · 11/11/2024 16:59

OP did say he was swimming fast, and the other fast swimmers were in the other lane. Unless they all got it wrong and everyone else should swap and this man stay where he is.

Faster than her, not necessarily as fast as the faster lane or too fast for the lane he was in. Maybe she should have been in the slower lane? Who knows.

Tessasanderson · 11/11/2024 17:00

Would it have made any difference if it was a woman swimming at '50mph' in your lane?

Missmatched speeds or clear indication that its women only are the only situations where he should be asked to move. Even then you have zero right to suggest it to him. That is the job of the lifeguards who either should observe it or you should report it to.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 11/11/2024 16:59

takealettermsjones · 11/11/2024 16:58

To be fair, the relative speed of the lanes does change depending on who's there, though. When I used to lane swim, I'd be in the fast lane on a Friday night but on Tuesdays two very, very good swimmers used to attend and I was suitably demoted to the middle lane 🤣

Yes, that's true. It still doesn't mean the male swimmer was automatically wrong here.

cookiebee · 11/11/2024 16:59

Why does his preference take importance over yours? Well same back at you from him. If it was a ‘ladies in floral swimming caps only breaststroke lane’ then fair enough, if each lane was for everyone, then that’s that, unless there is more to this we only have your side of the story that a big meanie was doing 50mph, for all we know you were slow and all over the place and he was going a normal speed, then out of nowhere you started having a go at him!

5128gap · 11/11/2024 16:59

DieStrassensindimmernass · 11/11/2024 16:46

Unless he was actually the correct speed for the lane and they'd just decided to claim it as theirs?

OP did say he was swimming fast, and the other fast swimmers were in the other lane. Unless they all got it wrong and everyone else should swap and this man stay where he is.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 11/11/2024 16:58

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/11/2024 16:57

This. Too slow for the fast lane, don't want to bother the men. Too fast for the middle lane, happy to bother the women.

I've seen as many irritating females at the pool too tbh. We're only hearing one side here. Many humans just seem to struggle with lanes.

takealettermsjones · 11/11/2024 16:58

DieStrassensindimmernass · 11/11/2024 16:56

I also hate the 'we want to change the speed of this lane to suit us and will get annoyed at anyone else trying to swim at the actual speed'.

To be fair, the relative speed of the lanes does change depending on who's there, though. When I used to lane swim, I'd be in the fast lane on a Friday night but on Tuesdays two very, very good swimmers used to attend and I was suitably demoted to the middle lane 🤣

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/11/2024 16:57

jeaux90 · 11/11/2024 16:55

@DieStrassensindimmernass JFC it's what I said ...you swim in the lane that matches your speed. But I always get idiot men either too slow for the fast lane or seeing them race up and down the medium/slow one because there is only one woman in it.

This. Too slow for the fast lane, don't want to bother the men. Too fast for the middle lane, happy to bother the women.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 11/11/2024 16:57

jeaux90 · 11/11/2024 16:55

@DieStrassensindimmernass JFC it's what I said ...you swim in the lane that matches your speed. But I always get idiot men either too slow for the fast lane or seeing them race up and down the medium/slow one because there is only one woman in it.

We don't know who the idiot was here though, if anyone. The man was maybe actually swimming at the correct speed for the lane.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 11/11/2024 16:56

CaptainCabinetsTrappedInCabinets · 11/11/2024 16:49

I hate this. They go "I don't want to go in that lane because I'm afraid I won't keep up so I'll just smash all over these women instead at a speed to fast for the lane"

It's why I stopped lane swimming. Infuriating.

I also hate the 'we want to change the speed of this lane to suit us and will get annoyed at anyone else trying to swim at the actual speed'.

jeaux90 · 11/11/2024 16:55

@DieStrassensindimmernass JFC it's what I said ...you swim in the lane that matches your speed. But I always get idiot men either too slow for the fast lane or seeing them race up and down the medium/slow one because there is only one woman in it.

Rewis · 11/11/2024 16:53

How were the lanes divided?
Anyways, I've learned that 85% of people at the pool have a shit pool etiquette.

LlynTegid · 11/11/2024 16:52

Unfortunately if the lifeguard or other leisure centre team member were to be act, I doubt his or her manager would be supportive.

mitogoshigg · 11/11/2024 16:51

They are usually by speed, perhaps he doesn't feel he's as fast as the next lane.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 11/11/2024 16:50

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/11/2024 16:47

Nearly headed into me at 50 mph.

From the OP.

I see this a lot. Male swimmers who don't want to compete with each other, but happy to compete with women. We're semi-invisible so no threat. They can just plow into us.

My solution? Do backstroke at them.

There's nothing which definitively makes this his fault though (see my example above).