Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am i the one who should appologise .....

237 replies

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:17

Warning this is really long ....

I haven't spoken to the my mum in over a week and its becoming apparent that neither of us are backing down and i just want to know if im in the wrong

Its a facebook related one , i know it sounds petty but it is just indicative of her behaviour in general.
i am pregnant and announced it on facebook - everyone in my whole family and friends etc commented lovely messages and she point blank ignored it

When questioned by my sister she told my sister she hadnt seen it - however she dosnt get off facebook and a large number of our mutual friends had commented so it wouldve popped up a lot i would imagine and most daming of all both my husband and i had shared the post to our story too - she had viewed both stories .
I gave her 24 hours to acknowledge it and it really upset me that my friend i havent seen in ten years can write something nice and my own mum cant so i rang her and asked her and she told me i didnt even tag her in it or tell her i was going post it thats why.
i didnt even tell my husband i was going to post it that day i just did it as we had the photo prepared already and i dont understand why i would need to tag her in my pregnancy announcement , ive never seen anyone tag the nan before ?

its annoyed me even more thats shes lying to try and make herself look in the right as she opnely told me why shed ignored it but to everyone shes pretending shes the victim and ive had a go at her and it was just a mistake when it clearly isnt.

Just a bit of context
My mother is just generally a really petty person and will get annoyed over the smallest thing and will be funny with you for a while then sort of comes round unless youve really wound her up and she will happily never speak to you again which she has done to several family and friends over the years

Most recently she was funny with me for over a week because i didn't send her an invitation to her grandsons party. I told her the date and time and just assumed she would be there just like she has been for every other party etc - i wasn't aware I had to send a 60 year old woman a paper football invitation ??

She got funny with me because i had my husbands nan and grampy over our house for tea one night and didnt invite her - my husband invited them over to get out their house for an hour as theyd had a hard time recently , it wasnt a slight at her but thats how she takes everything

And because my brother told her he didn't think she needed to move out of her perfectly lovely house just because people park outside her house - its a public street and she doesn't have a driveway so no real reason to stop people parking there she just doesnt like people to park there . But because she didnt like my brother telling her he wouldn't give her money to move as he didnt think she needed to she got annoyed at all us siblings and refused to read my sons school report that i had sent her that morning.

These are all things that have happened in the last few months to name a few
and i usually just let it go and just put up with it but honestly ive put up with these little things my whole life and i dont want to anymore

I dont understand why because shes my mother she feels she doesnt have to apologise for anything ever and its left to me to make 'amends'
i keep getting told but shes your mum - i just dont see why that means i have to let her upset me and i just have to let it go . I feel like i walk on eggshells constantly...

OP posts:
Geranen · 11/11/2024 16:55

Why does it matter?

Jl2014 · 11/11/2024 16:55

I think neither of you are ready for social media and should both come off it.

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:55

HeddaGarbled · 11/11/2024 16:52

You know when people say “she could start an argument in an empty room”? That’s you, that is (and your mum).

Incorrect.I can count on one hand the amount of times ive fallen out with my mother because I just let everything go constantly and im sick of letting it go to keep the peace
Everyone has a point where they've had enough and ive reached mine

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 11/11/2024 16:54

Omg, it’s Facebook. Grow up and talk to each other. This sounds exhausting.

ScanaDully · 11/11/2024 16:53

God I hate Facebook, I'm so glad I got rid of it.

HeddaGarbled · 11/11/2024 16:52

You know when people say “she could start an argument in an empty room”? That’s you, that is (and your mum).

DoYouReally · 11/11/2024 16:52

Some suggestions:

  1. Grow up
  2. Delete Facebook if it's causing problems

You should be the midst of delight with you'd pregnant and trival stuffiness this shouldn't even be given a second thought.

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:51

This facebook thing was just the straw that broke the camels back - ive been dealing with this in various forms my whole life
My issue is with her behaviour in general
I could give you a 100 examples of similar behaviour that has nothing to do with social media at all

OP posts:
Tulip8 · 11/11/2024 16:51

You appear to have inherited her petty streak!

ScanaDully · 11/11/2024 16:51

As i said in the post its an accumulation of this sort of behaviour for the past 30 odd years not just this,

But you're perpetuating her behaviour by wanting her to do the same thing that you're annoyed about?

Purplewarrior · 11/11/2024 16:51

Well with any luck she’s gone NC with you and you can move forward with a peaceful life.

ScanaDully · 11/11/2024 16:50

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:26

So shes not expected to comment on the post that i was expected by her to tag her in ?
A week before i announced my pregnancy my sister graduated and she posted 32 photos of it and how proud she was and she loved her but nothing for her new grandchild .

If i failed to write happy birthday on my mothers facebook despite telling her to her face and texting her - she would be absolutely livid.

This is bonkers. If I already knew about something from a conversation in real life, I wouldn't expect that I'd need to also add an obligatory comment on a Facebook post about it!!

Surely that's just performative? If your mum knew you were pregnant and commented on it in real life why would she again need to comment on the Facebook announcement?

nadine90 · 11/11/2024 16:48

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:39

Whatever peoples opinions are on facebook etc or whether you should reply on something youve already commented on in person etc

People see their husbands and children etc on their birthdays and say happy birthday in person but still post birthday posts and photos of them on facebook....

She does comment on everything and expects everything of hers to be commented on

She didnt just think oh ive already said congratulations she purposely ignored it because she didnt like the fact i hadnt tagged her thats not the same as thinking oh i said it in person already

In that case, lead by example. If she ignored it to be petty, don't rise to the bait. Next time she takes the funnies over you not commenting on something she posts, tell her what everyone here is telling you now.

itsgettingweird · 11/11/2024 16:48

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:26

So shes not expected to comment on the post that i was expected by her to tag her in ?
A week before i announced my pregnancy my sister graduated and she posted 32 photos of it and how proud she was and she loved her but nothing for her new grandchild .

If i failed to write happy birthday on my mothers facebook despite telling her to her face and texting her - she would be absolutely livid.

You all need a better relationship with SM.

It's for people who don't speak to all the time to share news to a wider audience.

I wouldn't expect anyone who I've spoken to F2F to comment on a post on SM about the same thing.

It's so impersonal and I'd know it was just a tick boxing exercise

stayathomegardener · 11/11/2024 16:48

I would start by blocking her on facebook.

Notreat · 11/11/2024 16:47

I never acknowledge things on Facebook if I have already acknowledged them personally. Eg if I have already wished someone happy birthday personally by text, phone or in person I don't feel the need to acknowledge it again on Facebook. That to me seems like it is performative and is just for show. It would be exactly the same with a birth announcement.
Did your mum know you were pregnant? Had she already spoken to you? If so I don't understand why you are upset. If you hadn't already told her I can understand why she would be upset.

GabriellaMontez · 11/11/2024 16:45

Be careful. You're at risk of turning into her. Petty, paranoid, ridiculous.

nadine90 · 11/11/2024 16:45

I think you need to get a bit of perspective and step away from social media if it is upsetting you this much. Life happens outside of a screen.
It's really cringey when people post about a pregnancy and the inevitable "I've known for ages" smug comments start rolling in.
Was she happy for you when you told her in person? Will she be a loving grandmother and helpful mum?

HeddaGarbled · 11/11/2024 16:45

If you’ve talked about it face to face, any comment she put on Facebook would just be performative.

Jessie1259 · 11/11/2024 16:44

I think you all need to stop living your lives out on facebook. Very sad and weird.

JimPanzee · 11/11/2024 16:43

This thread is beyond fucked up..... for so many reasons!
I agree with PPs, you're both as bad as each other 🙄

SherbetSweeties · 11/11/2024 16:41

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:39

Whatever peoples opinions are on facebook etc or whether you should reply on something youve already commented on in person etc

People see their husbands and children etc on their birthdays and say happy birthday in person but still post birthday posts and photos of them on facebook....

She does comment on everything and expects everything of hers to be commented on

She didnt just think oh ive already said congratulations she purposely ignored it because she didnt like the fact i hadnt tagged her thats not the same as thinking oh i said it in person already

Honestly one day your mum will be gone and you'll look back on this nonsense and think how silly we were.

TH1NG1E · 11/11/2024 16:41

Everyone is telling you that you are both being ridiculous. Facebook isn't real life.

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:41

WildGuide · 11/11/2024 16:33

She sounds bloody hard work.

Some people truly want nothing more in life than to feel hard done by, and will scrape any opportunity to claim they have been wronged, no matter how unfair. Your mother sounds like one of them. It’s not your fault - you’ve done nothing wrong, she just likes being aggrieved.

This is 100% it

Thank you

OP posts:
Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:39

Whatever peoples opinions are on facebook etc or whether you should reply on something youve already commented on in person etc

People see their husbands and children etc on their birthdays and say happy birthday in person but still post birthday posts and photos of them on facebook....

She does comment on everything and expects everything of hers to be commented on

She didnt just think oh ive already said congratulations she purposely ignored it because she didnt like the fact i hadnt tagged her thats not the same as thinking oh i said it in person already

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread