Am i the one who should appologise .....

It sounds like you both need to get off Facebook and start living in the real world.

Get off Facebook and get a life, same goes for your mother!

Did you call mum to tell her your good news or was it put on facebook for the world to see before she even knew?
I can honestly see her side, imagine your neighbour knowing before you that you’re going to be a nanna! It’s not nice. I don’t know why you wouldn’t have took the time to tell the grandparents face to face, if this is the case.

I would say…you both need to grow up and pay less attention to Facebook!

But why would she want to read your son's school report? I've never read any of my grandchildrens and my mum never read any of my kids either

You think your mum is petty? But you're annoyed because she didn't say anything on your post?

Either your pregnancy hormones are going all over the place or the apple didn't fall far from the tree....

You play people's minds. You've told her, and then expect a second round of congratulations. She's done nothing wrong. You need to think about your obsession with Facebook, and how you use it.

Sounds like you need to block her on Facebook, or just get off it yourself.

Haven't read the whole thread but, going by the first post, you're both as immature as each other.

Get off Facebook if it's going to affect you to the point that you've stopped talking to your mother. I can't believe I've even had to type that.

Op says her mum knew about the pregnancy about the same time as her husband, so well before the FB announcement..

People are misunderstanding due to it being social media. I expect you are annoyed by the double standards and hypocrisy of your mother. I get it. I would unclench though and do less posts at her whim to her audience and enjoy your pregnancy. She's clearly insufferable but there's sure to be more hurdles down the road. Try to care less about any maternal guilt tripping for performative posts in future and don't let the MN backlash get to you.

I felt every part of that, I have one just like her. Mine likes to make sure there is a huge kick off of her own doing every few months when things are going well and everything is lovely and civil. Nope, let’s shit on this and create an argument so she can ignore my poor dad and have him on pins, me and my sister cop it and she waits for an apology even when we don’t have anything to apologise for. We panic over every birthday and Christmas present because she notices how much effort and money has gone into it and compares it to what my dad got, she says she doesn’t want a fuss so when we don’t make a fuss she kicks off about us being selfish. We never know where we stand but we are adults now with our own families and she isn’t overly important as she once was and we don’t have to tolerate her behaviour so ignore her. We get crap during the day at work and she sends messages non stop then accuses us of ignoring her. We are at work!!!!! Anything sets her off. 50th wedding anniversary this year and me and my siblings are shitting ourselves already because we know what’s going to happen. It’s god awful and a stress I don’t need when I’m close to burn out and exhausted from everything else.

With the utmost respect, I do think it was pretty offensive posting your pregnancy news all over Facebook, before you'd even told her in person. Despite how she is, it's just common decency and if I were her, I'd have been pissed off too! Something like that, close family and friends are told first in person. Then you can post it on Facebook.
Having said that, my maternal grandmother, long dead now, was very much like your mother. She kicked off when I did send her an invitation to my wedding because I "knew nothing about etiquette"! My mum and dad had been divorced 20 years, I'd been living with my husband for 2 years. I chose the wording, along with the suggestions from the man at the printers, to reflect that.
But she always managed to take offence at the most ridiculous things, so you have my absolute sympathy there! I went NC after enduring this type of thing from childhood.
I'd say go LC, see how it goes, if things don't improve, NC. She's brought it on herself by her behaviour over the years. Just get on and enjoy your family 💐

Congrats you’re expecting @Atticus334. I feel for you.

I have a mother who’ll never make the first move to be conciliatory. She’ll always hold out for people to apologise to her. And, even then, she doesn’t make it easy or meet anyone halfway. Her siblings are similar, so it must be learned behaviour. They all struggle to openly communicate and easily take umbrage (as it was called back in the day).

There’s no scope to leave my mother to her sulking, as (like yours) she’ll hold out forever: hasn’t spoken to some family members for decades over an (apparent) storm in a teacup. Held out on me for 18 months when I was going through the most painful time in my life. In the end, I had to approach her again (treading on eggshells) as it was causing stress and hurt to the kids.

I don’t have any answers for you on how to deal with this long-term problem with your mum. Only you know where your boundaries lie.

One option is talk to her, let her know it’s upset you and, to be conciliatory, apologise for misunderstandings or for blowing things out of proportion. That may work. But in my mother’s case, she’d get defensive and feel attacked, however gently it’s broached with her that she’s caused upset. She’d hear the apology and take it as confirmation she was the sole wronged party.

Others would say set your boundaries and if she keeps breaching them, stop contact. Don’t apologise or pander to the bad behaviour anymore. That inevitably causes family rifts, which can make relations in the wider family very strained, causing stress to others. Some people can do it. But I’ve tried it and it eats away at me and makes me more miserable.

Having reflected over many years (and a great deal of therapy), I’ve decided the best way for me is to accept I have to reach out and be conciliatory because (overall) it’s less painful for everyone than her sulking/grudge-bearing/rift-making. I don’t apologise unless I feel I owe it. I acknowledge to myself the hurt she causes me by behaving the way she does and that it’s wrong.

I also acknowledge I can’t do anything about her behaviour and can only do something about mine, by meeting my own standards for avoiding and resolving conflict: humility, maturity, empathy and kindness. I know I’m OK. Her behaviour is her shit to deal with. If she feels she’s ‘won’ with her bad behaviour, because I keep coming back for more, who cares? I just don’t want to end up like her. I can break the cycle and set a better example for my kids.

As for the most recent Facebook incident, I wouldn’t give two hoots. Rise above it. If she wants to be that petty, who cares. Her problem. Not yours. And she (presumably) congratulated you when you first told her, in any case.

I hope this helps. Good luck, whatever you decide.

She knew before so why on earth would she need to comment on FB this sounds like something from a 12yo complaining

@Atticus334 if you had already told her about the pregnancy then why would she need to comment on a Facebook post??

If I've already told my mum happy birthday then I don't need to write it on her timeline too.

By phoning her and asking why she didn't comment you were asking for trouble and shit stirring. There was absolutely no need for that.

You both sound rather odd and similar.

Just apologise for being weird.

I genuinely can’t remember if my mum commented on my pregnancy FB post of not. It really, really doesn’t matter. Kindly, I think you’re both being unreasonable.

Wow what a horrible comment.

Why did you want her to comment on your post? Presumably she said congratulations to you in person when you told her, so is the public comment thing because you want other people to see her congratulate you? Maybe she doesn't want other people to think she's only just finding out about it now via Facebook. I don't think I would comment on a pregnancy post I already knew about either tbh. It would feel a bit performative. Like I am putting on a show for other people.

that one made me laugh (a lot)

I dunno OP, but you all sound a bit enmeshed. Relationships are supposed to be fun & supportive.

OP, I would go LC or NC.

I don't use Facebook much but when things are said in person then I'm not bothered about it being said in Facebook, however...

It's not just the Facebook thing, it's everything as a whole. My dad's mum is a horrible woman, emotionally manipulative and just a horrible bully and some of the things you've said reminds me of her. The last straw for us as a family was when she sent all of mine and my siblings photos back and all 5 photos she had of my dad growing up.

I was done after that because my sibling were young and couldn't understand why granny didn't want to see them or have pictures of them. They're better off without her.

She's dying now and I feel nothing. My dad said he'd go to her funeral and I've told him I would go to be there for him and my aunts and uncles but I quite honestly don't care if the woman dies or not.

I'm the type of person that when I'm done with someone, I'm done. There's no changing my mind.

If you feel able to then I'd definitely go LC for your peace of mind. Don't let her use these tactics and don't let her know it bothers you because she sounds like she'd love that.

Congratulations btw!

She did not like a social media post and that is a problem? FFS! YABVU.

First of all, congrats. on your pregnancy.

I had my DC before the days of social media. But if I had already told my parents about my pregnancy in person, I wouldn't have expected them to re-act on FB. I mean, they were delighted about my pregnancy and congratulated me in person already. So based on that one incident, I would have said that you over-reacted and were being silly to stop talking to your mother. Especially at a time when you're expecting her grandchild and might need support from her - now or later when your baby is born.

However, based on the other incidents you've described, your "D"M sounds like a bit of a drama queen who takes offence at every perceived slight. As such, she's probably really hard work. There's no harm in asserting yourself and refusing to play her mind games. I just don't think a Facebook like or comment is the hill I'd be willing to die on. Choose your battles and all that.

She already knew you were pregnant so why would she need to comment?
You're being very petty and mistaking social media for real life.

A Facebook wall is just a method of communicating, usually with people you never see and haven't sent a personal message to. If you've already congratulated someone in person or via another personal means of communication, you don't repeat it performatively for the world to see on FB. That's bonkers.