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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think 'can I let you know nearer the time?' is rude.

65 replies

AhBiscuits · 11/11/2024 13:20

Planning a party for DD. Its at a busy time of year so have given 6 weeks notice. It's an activity and we can only invite 10 kids. We have a list of potential invitees to work down if any of the first choice 10 can't make it. We've had 9 yes responses and 1 'can I let you know nearer the time?'
Either you have something in your diary or you don't. You're either prepared to put it in and forego anything else that comes up or you're not. Surely you should say yes or no and not 'I'll wait and see if there's something else I'd rather do'.
I don't really want to be inviting someone else last minute if she can't make it.

OP posts:
Getitwright · 11/11/2024 13:29

AhBiscuits · 11/11/2024 13:26

I think if you can't commit to it then you just say no. They know we'll have fixed numbers for the activity so should just say no so I can invite someone else.

Edited

Simply tell them this then, and then they and you have a firm decision

Original poster
AhBiscuits · 11/11/2024 13:28

SilverChampagne · 11/11/2024 13:27

6 weeks from now is slap bang in the middle of Christmas, op.
I wouldn’t confirm attendance at a kid’s party, tbh. Although I’d give you a firm no, rather than hedge my bets…

It's the 15th. We went for the weekend before school breaks up. It's an awkward time but got 9 pretty swift yes responses.

OP posts:
LaLaLaurie · 11/11/2024 13:27

I don’t find it rude. Six weeks is very close to Christmas, plans aren’t firmly set in place yet.

SilverChampagne · 11/11/2024 13:27

6 weeks from now is slap bang in the middle of Christmas, op.
I wouldn’t confirm attendance at a kid’s party, tbh. Although I’d give you a firm no, rather than hedge my bets…

Original poster
AhBiscuits · 11/11/2024 13:26

I think if you can't commit to it then you just say no. They know we'll have fixed numbers for the activity so should just say no so I can invite someone else.

OP posts:
Getitwright · 11/11/2024 13:26

Just give a “last response date”, say 3 weeks before the event, let that be your cut off, and invite someone else if the first choice cannot make it.

Not children related, but I have an event in my diary for later this month, I am doing palliative care (shared) for my 96 year old Mum, and my OH is currently having cancer treatment. So it might be the day before I can actually give a yes or no. Sometimes other people’s lives can be a bit complicated. Hope it goes well for you.

Smartiepants79 · 11/11/2024 13:24

I would say that you are able to wait one more week but will then need a firm answer one way or the other. I think that’s fair.

Codlingmoths · 11/11/2024 13:23

If it’s during December then no, I might be waiting to confirm a family Christmas event date. Which we will go to, and have to send regrets for your child’s party if it clashes. I’m sorry but that’s how it is. Other timers of year I agree it’s rude.

minipie · 11/11/2024 13:23

If there is a reason given (like the annual leave issue above) then fair enough to say this - although some hosts may say sorry I need to know now and that is also fair

Otherwise it does sound like “I’ll see if something better comes up”

ComtesseDeSpair · 11/11/2024 13:23

I suppose it depends why. Some parents who work on shifts may not have rotas yet; some parents who share residency of their DC might not have agreed whether it’s their weekend or the other parent’s yet because Christmas means a pattern out of the usual; it’s coming up to Christmas and some parents may have other things pencilled in which they’ve yet to confirm.

If they’re a particularly good friend of DC’s then wait for them, otherwise just say you need final numbers asap so are going to assume they’re a no.

kittylion2 · 11/11/2024 13:22

I would tell her that you need to have firm numbers in order to book so if she isn't absolutely sure, you will ask someone else.

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/11/2024 13:22

Certainly wouldn’t forgo 2 weeks with family for another child’s party.

Greenqueen40 · 11/11/2024 13:22

Just reply saying it's limited numbers so if you can't commit now then you will have to withdraw the invitation!

NotSorry · 11/11/2024 13:22

Go back with “sorry I need to confirm numbers with the venue, if you can’t commit no worries”

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/11/2024 13:21

No it isn’t rude. We’re waiting on one family member’s leave to know where we’ll all be for the Christmas period. Can’t be helped.