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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

640 replies

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 13:17

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

OP posts:
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Sugargliderwombat · 11/11/2024 19:12

I'm sorry but a black version of your dress?!! Like the swans in Swan Lake....

custardcreme77 · 11/11/2024 19:09

The black dress - oh heck - it does look somewhat dramatic and a bit ‘Spanishy’ I suppose.

Is she planning on wearing a mantilla with it, too…and bringing castanets?

DonnaDonna0 · 11/11/2024 19:04

I would be saying I’m the bride, you don’t get a dress in keeping with the bride- that’s ridiculous. Even she must know that.

YellowPolkaDotBikini1980 · 11/11/2024 19:03

Let her look like a nightmare MIL.

Then everyone will know what you have to put up with.

Just send her a link to this thread.

OhcantthInkofaname · 11/11/2024 18:59

I might have tried to be somewhat light hearted and said it's a wedding not funeral! Suggest deep Summer colors and no train just as you did.

DexysMidniteRunners · 11/11/2024 18:58

You give a tinkly laugh and say, Oh, the guests are going to think you hate me!

BangaloreLulu · 11/11/2024 18:58

I'm sure the dress will look beautiful on her, but it's wholly inappropriate for your wedding. I can, however, offer something which might improve the situation and help her blend in a little better, which is inspired by your description of your colours and theme, and is not entirely out of keeping with the vibe of the dress.

Carmen Miranda, eat your heart out 😂

AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.
Mylittlebobble · 11/11/2024 18:57

Does anyone think there's a chance this might get picked up by loose women etc? I wonder how mil might react? Especially if they normally have really good rel.

Gwenhwyfar · 11/11/2024 18:56

5iveleafclovers · 11/11/2024 18:55

Why are you apologising? The poster should have stated that information about white being their colour of mourning in their post.

Edited

😉

5iveleafclovers · 11/11/2024 18:55

Gwenhwyfar · 11/11/2024 18:53

Oh sorry, I didn't know you were Chinese.

Why are you apologising? The poster should have stated that information about white being their colour of mourning in their post.

Purplecatshopaholic · 11/11/2024 18:54

That is the dress your MIL wants to wear? Wow. YANBU.

PadstowGirl · 11/11/2024 18:53

My mil dressed as if she was going to a funeral for our wedding. She made her feelings about her DS marrying me very evident.
She looked and behaved ridiculously in front of people who genuinely loved us and some of them had the courage to tell her that.

Your MIL will make a total prat of herself, let her crack on.

Gwenhwyfar · 11/11/2024 18:53

SanctusInDistress · 11/11/2024 18:52

The Chinese traditional mourning dress is white, so think about it!

Oh sorry, I didn't know you were Chinese.

TheRealShatParp · 11/11/2024 18:52

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 14:02

Said dresz

Oh Jesus, YANBU!!

SanctusInDistress · 11/11/2024 18:52

Gwenhwyfar · 11/11/2024 18:40

Why did she wear a mourning colour for a happy occasion? And was it a summer wedding?

The Chinese traditional mourning dress is white, so think about it!

Dibbydoos · 11/11/2024 18:51

She's making a statement. Don't you get on?

Horrible thing to do btw. I hope your partner and her partner can talk sone sense into her! But if she does wear it, everyone's going to be smirking at her.

The absolute best thing to do is to have a great time!

WoolySnail · 11/11/2024 18:50

SanctusInDistress · 11/11/2024 18:29

My mum wore black to my wedding. She looked sensational and she was comfortable and I couldn’t have cared less about what other people thought or whether it’s the ‘dine thing’! (Or whether my photos are matchy-matchy).

Yes, but did your mum wear a black dress or a black wedding dress? Huge difference imo.

Mylittlebobble · 11/11/2024 18:50

I'm far too invested in this thread... just explained the scenario to my DH and then showed him the picture. He laughed straight away looking at the dress.

ThatllBeTheDay · 11/11/2024 18:50

Is it a thing in Spain for the mother of the groom to wear black? We were in Seville last weekend and watched a wedding party go into the cathedral. The mother of the groom there was wearing black with a black face veil so we assumed that possibly she was also in mourning. A very chic dress though, perfectly appropriate for a 60yr old, not anything like this.

Ohnobackagain · 11/11/2024 18:49

@MumofHennHals she will boil to a crisp in black in August in Spain - buy her a flamenco brolly to go with it and let her get in with it 🫣🤯😂

janeavrilavril · 11/11/2024 18:49

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 18:16

No love, it's not a photoshoot, it's a wedding we've waited and saved hard for being together 15 years with two children. I don't want to look back at photos and instantly think 'F-in dress!!!!' Which I will and that seems unfair also.

cop on to yourself, you sound ridiculous. The cheek of you thinking you get to dictate what other people wear. What happened to loving and accepting people for who they are and being happy that we get to have them in our lives. All this over a F-in dress.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 11/11/2024 18:49

I meant MOG obviously!

Wishihadanalgorithm · 11/11/2024 18:48

She can wear what she wants but don’t have too many photos taken with her.

When you choose your photos, don’t have many/any with her. It looks like she’s trying desperately to stand out and upstage you.

Could your partner tell her it’s too bridal and dramatic for MOB?

Superhansrantowindsor · 11/11/2024 18:46

You can put a dress code n the invite but it’s a suggestion. The whole colour palette thing annoys me. Having said that - it isn’t polite to wear black to a wedding or to wear a train. Don’t worry about it. People will look at her and think how silly she looks. Nobody can detract from a bride on her wedding day.

pinkyredrose · 11/11/2024 18:43

I don't care if Aunt Susan wears black, she won't be at the front of my photos, or any intimate family pictures or at the top table amongst my beautiful vibrant and colourful bridal party and florals.

Is that all you care about? Maybe ask her if she could wear a throw or scarf in an acceptable colour?