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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

640 replies

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 13:17

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

OP posts:
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21
WearyAuldWumman · 11/11/2024 21:16

OP, your fiancé needs to ask his mother why she has bought a wedding dress.

Josie901 · 11/11/2024 21:15

GoForARun · 11/11/2024 21:01

This.

In my world you never wear black or white to a wedding - and you certainly don't wear a bloody train!

Agree about the train esp. Why doesn't she just wear a veil too and be done with it?

Didactylos · 11/11/2024 21:13

I would have to give her my honest feedback

Im not really sure its in keeping with the occasion .- its a bit Morticia Adams meets Miss Havisham. Was 'devouring mother in goth wedding dress' really what you were going for?

And then we would probably never speak again

GoForARun · 11/11/2024 21:01

BarbaraHoward · 11/11/2024 13:22

Is your MIL Morticia Addams?!

You should've let her turn up in it and make a complete fool of herself.

This.

In my world you never wear black or white to a wedding - and you certainly don't wear a bloody train!

WearyAuldWumman · 11/11/2024 21:00

ValentinesDayCryingInTheHotel · 11/11/2024 20:30

Batshit, it's literally a wedding dress: www.moonlightbridal.com/all-wedding-dresses/sweetheart-neckline/

Yup. I can't understand why so many posters are ignoring this fact.

LastNight1Dreamt1WentToManderleyAgain · 11/11/2024 20:55

I mean perhaps she is planning to turn into a cloud of ravens during the confetti stage and only can channel her powers in that dress?

Grammarnut · 11/11/2024 20:48

Binxthecat8 · 11/11/2024 18:36

Ask her whose funeral she is going to in that dress. send her links to dresses you feel are more appropriate. If she turns up in the black dress advise her that she can’t be in main photos. It’s your day so your final choices sod others opinions. I’d be miffed by the choice too.

Really? MiL not in photos because bride doesn't like her dress? Come on! What nonsense!

Whatonearth07957 · 11/11/2024 20:35

I think Sophia Lauren did similar and had the absolute piss taken out of her

Canalboat · 11/11/2024 20:30

Gorgeous dress but bloody hell, totally inappropriate for a wedding. I thought you were being a bridezilla until I’ve seen the picture.

ValentinesDayCryingInTheHotel · 11/11/2024 20:30

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 14:02

Said dresz

Batshit, it's literally a wedding dress: www.moonlightbridal.com/all-wedding-dresses/sweetheart-neckline/

BlueMongoose · 11/11/2024 20:28

Just suggest to her that black won't come out well in photos if the photographer is working on getting pastel shades to look good. 😉

TonTonMacoute · 11/11/2024 20:26

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 14:02

Said dresz

😳

You say she 'is going to see when she gets it', she may change her mind I guess. Perhaps you could suggest she change into it for evening session and wear something more colourful for the day time part?

Anonymousess · 11/11/2024 20:14

It’s certainly a statement dress for a guest to wear at a wedding. I don’t think it’s appropriate, in fact I’m finding it hard to even place the occasion for that dress. It’s lovely, but maybe for prom or a black tie event perhaps? Definitely not for your wedding.

It comes across like she’s using your wedding for something. As a chance to look good, attract someone(?), seek compliments, use the photos for her tinder profile or something? As if it’s “her moment”. There’s no need for her to match her dress to yours.

Hopelessinhomecounties · 11/11/2024 20:14

candycane222 · 11/11/2024 13:22

I mean honestly? Are you sure your "colour pallette" is actually more important than your relationship with a really important member of your family? Yes, she'll look odd, and you could have perhaps suggested that the other people will be more colourful so she'll stand out a bit, to check she's ok with this.

But please don't get yourself worked up about it, it's your own vibe you're killing.

This is good advice. You can’t dictate what people wear. Sorry YABU

curtaintwitcher78 · 11/11/2024 20:13

She either secretly hates OP or is nursing Scarlet O'Hara fantasies.
I cannot get over anyone who thinks this will be anything but a spectacle.

WearyAuldWumman · 11/11/2024 20:10

Gloriia · 11/11/2024 20:07

Oh please. While the dress is ott if the mil likes it then so what. 'Colour palettes' and dress codes sound absolutely batshit. Photographer documenting it? Do you mean photographer taking a few pics?

Yes the bridesmaids and groomsmen will all match but guests should wear what they like. People may raise their eyebrows at what looks like an evening dress for a summer wedding but meh.

The MIL has deliberately selected a dress similar to the OP's. To make matters worse, the dress is actually marketed as a wedding dress. There's something far wrong with the MIL's thinking.

WearyAuldWumman · 11/11/2024 20:08

DebOnDating · 11/11/2024 20:06

I'd just tell her one or a combination of the following:

(1) I hope you're joking, that dress is a hot mess for an outdoor wedding
(2) Of course you can wear whatever you want, but you must be prepared for the backlash you'll get
(3) That's a striking gown for a formal ball - an outdoor wedding in Spain not so much
(4) My honest opinion? You'd make a spectacle of yourself and not in a good way. I don't want that for you.
(5) hahaha!! for real?

I really think that the OP's fiancé should be asking his mother why on earth she thinks it appropriate to wear a black wedding dress to his wedding.

Respectisnotoptional · 11/11/2024 20:07

Oh dear OP I do have to agree with you on this one, I think she’ll look totally weird in that dress it’s a very bad choice. I hope you can steer her towards something more suitable.

Gloriia · 11/11/2024 20:07

Schleep · 11/11/2024 19:53

I don't understand all the uppity comments about dress code / colour pallette.
OP i presumably spending thousands, if not tens of thousands, on a once in the lifetime event where a professional photographer will be documenting it.
Of course the wedding party all looking cohesive is important!

Oh please. While the dress is ott if the mil likes it then so what. 'Colour palettes' and dress codes sound absolutely batshit. Photographer documenting it? Do you mean photographer taking a few pics?

Yes the bridesmaids and groomsmen will all match but guests should wear what they like. People may raise their eyebrows at what looks like an evening dress for a summer wedding but meh.

DebOnDating · 11/11/2024 20:06

I'd just tell her one or a combination of the following:

(1) I hope you're joking, that dress is a hot mess for an outdoor wedding
(2) Of course you can wear whatever you want, but you must be prepared for the backlash you'll get
(3) That's a striking gown for a formal ball - an outdoor wedding in Spain not so much
(4) My honest opinion? You'd make a spectacle of yourself and not in a good way. I don't want that for you.
(5) hahaha!! for real?

GreatGardenstuff · 11/11/2024 19:58

My MIL wore black to our wedding, she was definitely mourning the loss of her son 😂

It was a linen suit and looked really crumpled and disheveled, I think it was a statement on what she thought of our marriage.

StormingNorman · 11/11/2024 19:56

If she like the full length evening look, would something along these lines work for you both?

AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.
AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.
Christwosheds · 11/11/2024 19:54

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 14:02

Said dresz

It’s a stunning dress for a formal, evening event, or Winter ball, it’s a terrible dress for a wedding. Black completely inappropriate, and the style too like a bridesmaid in any other colour.

Schleep · 11/11/2024 19:53

I don't understand all the uppity comments about dress code / colour pallette.
OP i presumably spending thousands, if not tens of thousands, on a once in the lifetime event where a professional photographer will be documenting it.
Of course the wedding party all looking cohesive is important!

StormingNorman · 11/11/2024 19:53

Could you suggest something glamorous but more in keeping with the theme?