AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

The bride at every wedding, and the corpse at every funeral

Good grief. How old is this lady and does she have the figure and the style to carry this off? She'll be the talk of the wedding. It's an - um - unusual choice but if she's determined to wear it, best just smile and roll with it.
(I can't help wondering if when she attends a Christening she wears a lace bonnet and shawl, or if when she goes to a funeral, she turns up in a shroud...)

it's beautiful, but it's absolutely too much for someone else's wedding. that's not even a small and subtle train. maybe suggest she wears something else for the ceremony and changes into it for the evening do.

She's pulling a Raquel Welch. She will be the talk of the wedding as people will assume that she either a) doesn't approve of the marriage, b) wants to be the centre of attention or c) she's got no clue about what is appropriate for the MOTG.

My exMIL wore a cream day dress to mine and although it didn't bother me I was amazed at how much people were talking about how rude it was. A black wedding dress will be talked about for years.

Just reposting the pic of the actual black wedding dress in question for those who’ve missed it

She wanted a dress in keeping with yours with the same style - ?!!! She is not the fucking bride!!! Serious lack of awareness or wish to be centre of attention/weird mother son relationship going on there it seems

I think that dress may look beautiful on her and I can see that it has a sort of Spanish-flamenco vibe. Have you tried saying the kind of colours you envisioned her wearing and that you don't want her to feel uncomfortable by jarring? What has she worn to her other sons' weddings?

I don't generally approve of telling wedding guests what to wear or colour codes. Honestly, you'll have a few wedding photos that you want on display and they'll probably be just you and the groom.

Would you not object if your MIL wore a black version of your wedding dress?

I've got one, and seen a few. usually just a small, puddle train. they're not very practical for general stuff, but I'd not wear mine to a wedding.

yeah, wearing a wedding dress dyed black used to be a big mourning thing. it seems like that's the vibe she's going for.

How so?

As a photographer, black in a brightly coloured wedding can be a nightmare for group shots.

I know. What I mean is it wouldn't occur to me to be bothered by what anyone wore when I got married. My mum asked me to go shopping with her but in the end bought an outfit she saw without me. The dress in this situation is OTT and I'm hoping the MIL to be is very slim and tall to carry it off. Would I choose it as MOG? No. Would I object to my MIL wearing it if suited her? Also no.

Hey look, I haven't got past page 1. How many PPs have already said she will look like a goth Miss Havisham?

It sounds like a very strange choice for mother of the groom, especially considering the location etc. Everyone will be wondering who's the mad woman dressed as a crow.

Haha, OK, this is unbelievable.

I'm very much divided on this.

On one hand it's absolute Bridezilla behaviour to be getting uptight about guests matching with the colours of their clothes. A wedding photo is beautiful because there are lots of family and friends in one place, all dressed up, and celebrating a special occasion. A photo isn't ruined because one person wears a different colour and it's absolutely bonkers to think that you won't be able to look at a photo without getting the rage because they weren't wearing pastel! I don't think it's reasonable in the slightest to insist that all guests match your colour theme.

But on the flip side, that dress is fucking atrocious for a wedding. It's not suitable in the slightest - and not because of the colour. Although, I do have to say that the colour is awful for a wedding - it makes it look as if the MIL doesn't approve and she's making a silent protest! But the style.....it's an actual bridal gown....

Imo, although black is a very unusual colour to choose for a wedding, I don't think that would necessarily be the end of the world. What IS unacceptable is that she's wearing a matching bridal gown, just in black.

That's the conversation I would be having - "MIL, you've got a stunning figure and would look beautiful in that dress but it's a bridal gown in black - a bridal gown that is practically the same as my bridal gown, just a different colour. It's not really fair that you turn up to my wedding wearing a bridal gown. I know you were trying to be helpful co-ordinating with my dress but this is making me feel that it's going to look as if there are two brides. Could you pick something else that's less bridal please?"

You say you're very close to you so you could also raise objections about the colour, and tell her that as black is a mourning colour traditionally, people will think she's making a subtle protest about the wedding......

Omg it is actually a wedding dress!!

OP - ignore everyone defending MIL, this is actually crazy. I didn't have a dress code except for autumnal colours for bridesmaids which DM and MIL independently also decided to stick to. I didn't care what anyone else wore and black would have been fine. But I bloody would have said something if anyone had copied my dress style down to the train, let alone one of the main people in the wedding!!!

Making it black is just ridiculous- you'll look like yin and yang in the photos😆

Just inappropriate for Spain in August to be honest...she'll be sweating her tatas off 😂

That’s a lovely dress, but wholly inappropriate for her son’s wedding.

She asked for your opinion and you gave it. You can't prevent her from wearing it if she still wants to.

The train and the wearing of black to a summer mediterranean wedding does sound horrible, but she'll be the one looking odd, inappropriate and too hot. The "colour palette" shit for your wedding - expecting guests to fall in with your citrus vision is unreasonable - colour choice is very personal.

She asked your opinion. Your opinion should have been along the lines: 'that's lovely...bear in mind it's Spain/somewhere hot/in August, though'.

Why @Grammarnut ?
The MiL2B has deliberately chosen a dress that is a copy of the bride's dress. Not by accident. She went with the bride to choose her dress. She knows what the bride is wearing.
Nobody sane would do that.
I mean, I am on the side of not wearing black to a wedding, but the crucial point is here it is a copy of the bride's dress.

There is no way in the world that the OP should have said it was nice.

Just to reiterate, I am not a fan of brides dictating what colours people can wear to their wedding, generally, but it is just commonly known good manners that (in the UK at least) black is the colour of mourning so people avoid wearing it to weddings.

Can you find something more suitable and send some suggestions?

The dress really isn't a wedding guest dress never mind mother of the groom.

Maybe she's trying too hard and just needs some gentle ideas to put her on the right track?

To me that’s a wedding dress ! As in a BRIDAL dress! It’s a gorgeous dress but not for a 65 yr old MOG no matter how tall, slim & elegant she is! If I was the bride I would be most annoyed! But if she does wear it she will look like a bitter weirdo to the rest of the guests !

Is she going for the old lady in a hot country black lace vibe?