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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

640 replies

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 13:17

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

OP posts:
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Stravaig · 11/11/2024 13:55

If her choice of attire will spoil the photos, and she is deliberately being malicious, then leave her out of them! Do a traditional one or two, then ask her to step away and redo them without her, and take lots of others too.

Be matter of fact about it, in public: You chose to flout the dress code, and convention, so now we must all work around you.

Send her the ones she's in, and you and everyone else can enjoy all the others.

Original poster
MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 13:55

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 11/11/2024 13:41

Is she taking the piss? Does she hate you?

I can't believe people are saying they'd be OK with their MIL wearing a pure black dress with a train at their wedding. Talk about a poor metaphor and some serious passive-aggression from her!
I mean, I'd be tempted to let her because she'll look like a right plank. Just make sure to get a few tasteful photos when she's not in the line of sight and ask photographer to photoshop it peach or something.

No she doesn't hate me, we have an amazing relationship.

She came with me and my mum to pick my wedding dress and I've paid for her to have her hair and makeup done alongside my bridesmaids and mum on the wedding day in the bridal suite,

she's a mother of boys and I wanted to ensure she had an experience she didn't get with the other sons weddings and make her feel included like a mother of the bride would be as I know she won't ever get that chance.

We spend a lot of time together without her son there. I think maybe my reaction wasn't the AMAZING she normally would've got from me and I've pissed her off.

I'm normally so calm and collected, nothing phases me.. but with it being the wedding and I've planned it for a year all on my own, it's tipped me over the edge as I imagined family photos on my wall being stunningly bright and vibrant.

She quoted 'I wanted a dress in keeping with yours with the same style' sorry? NO!

OP posts:
artfuldodgerjack · 11/11/2024 13:55

Is your future MIL Spanish? They have a very different approach when it comes to wedding attire! Black dresses are normal, as are capes, trains and headdresses...

Have a look at some of these:

www.instagram.com/p/DBwh69EM7bX/?igsh=MWt5MTJ1MWF1OGJkNw==

www.instagram.com/p/DBY1NwNtIcF/?igsh=aWZmY3lyeTI4ZnR5

www.instagram.com/reel/DBBA3yHtuLn/?igsh=dGcybzIwMjd0eXh2

mummytrex · 11/11/2024 13:54

BarbaraHoward · 11/11/2024 13:22

Is your MIL Morticia Addams?!

You should've let her turn up in it and make a complete fool of herself.

You read my mind!

@op. Do you not have a good relationship. Is this a pointed way of her saying she's mourning the loss of her son?

DinnaeFashYersel · 11/11/2024 13:53

'Colour palette' 😳

Let them wear what she wants.

You get to dictate the clothes you are paying for - bridesmaids etc.

After that people can wear what they like.

'Colour palette' 😳

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 11/11/2024 13:52

This is why we have photoshop. Any pictures she ruins - edit her out.

StormingNorman · 11/11/2024 13:52

Is it an evening or black tie wedding? The dress sounds quite chic for that type of do but if it’s a regular wedding she’s going to look like she’s in mourning.

desperatedaysareover · 11/11/2024 13:52

is she perhaps thinking it’ll look ‘Spanish’? Black lace, form fitting etc. why not suggest she saves her choice til she gets to Seville, lots of flamenca outfits to choose from…

GetrudeCoppard · 11/11/2024 13:52

We went to a wedding last month and honestly, the chicest female guest there was the one dressed in black.

Let her crack on. Don’t try and police your guests by having a colour palette. That’s utterly ridiculous.

Soupwithstring · 11/11/2024 13:51

My husbands groomswomen both wore black cocktail dresses to my wedding. I neither asked nor cared what they wore.
My MIL looked a million dollars in slate grey and I neither asked nor cared what she wore to my wedding as long as she was there.

I think black would also look amazing.

stanleypops66 · 11/11/2024 13:51

Without seeing it it's hard to say if ywbu. However on the face of it I didnt really care what anyone else to my wedding. We also got married in Spain in July so people were generally more casual due to the heat.

lawlessland · 11/11/2024 13:51

I think let her get on with it. If she's wearing a dramatic black dress, she'll be the one looking silly not you.

FigTreeInEurope · 11/11/2024 13:50

My mum did this. She wore all black to our weddjng, WITH A VEIL, and sat at the back of the church, arms folded, face of death. She didn't like that my wife is mixed race, and was openly vocal about it too. What took me by suprise, was the extent of peoples disgust for her. Many of her friends where shocked and appauled, and it was talked about for many months afterwards. It hugely humiliated her in the little village where they live, and many people rallied to show their disapproval. Restored my faith to be honest.

TheHouseOfMouse · 11/11/2024 13:50

FlingThatCarrot · 11/11/2024 13:28

Black at a wedding is pretty rude! I'm sure it's what you wear when you disapprove of the marriage.

Spanish people will assume she's widowed.

Also train eek! I'd be taking to the photographer about cutting her out of the planned photos tbh. She clearly trying to attention steal.

I don't think you can set a colour palate but definitely can say its too bridal shape.

This!
Does she not like you, Op?

DelphiniumBlue · 11/11/2024 13:50

"Good Lord, MiL, it's a wedding not a funeral! 😂Seriously, since you asked, {because obviously your reply will be sent all round the family} I think something jollier would be better. How about this {insert links} or this?"

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 11/11/2024 13:49

Colour palette for photos is nonsense. You choose your decorations and the bridesmaid dresses etc that's where you get to choose what people wear, other than that it's up to them, a big white lacy frock might be a step too far but other than that someone should wear what they feel comfortable in. Given it's in Spain is it an evening wedding?
People have different tastes, I don't see why she can't wear a black dress.
I wouldn't decorate a wedding with fruit, would never have asked my bridesmaids to wear yellow and DH would've thought I'd lost the plot if I suggested beige suits especially next to yellow dresses, which is why I didn't choose those things for my wedding, you have chosen them for yours. Your MIL gets to choose how she dresses her body.

Guavafish1 · 11/11/2024 13:49

Share the photo

Overheater · 11/11/2024 13:49

Forget the colour palette. She’s going to boil in black with a train.

Spend every August in southern Spain and a long black dress is not something I’d want to wear

MrRobinsonsQuango · 11/11/2024 13:49

With a train 🤣🤣🤣. She’s definitely not joking?!

BunsenBurnerBaby · 11/11/2024 13:47

I think this is hilarious and wouldn’t give a shit what she wore. Whatever makes her happy.

DaylightTreachery · 11/11/2024 13:46

Bignanna · 11/11/2024 13:44

Wearing black is not rude imo

I’ve worn black to virtually every wedding I’ve attended, and never been the only one. At a couple of European weddings, I’d say as many women were in black as weren’t.

Hoppinggreen · 11/11/2024 13:45

While I don't agree in general with dictating what people wear to weddings and trying to get all the guests in similar colours is a bit bridezilla BUT black with a train is ridiculous and you were right to give her your honest opinion

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 11/11/2024 13:45

She sounds like she's attention seeking and she'll make a fool of herself if she shows up in that. YANBU!

Bignanna · 11/11/2024 13:44

Wearing black is not rude imo

ComtesseDeSpair · 11/11/2024 13:44

Irridescantshimmmer · 11/11/2024 13:43

OMG OP, if your MIL wears black to your wedding she will stand out like a sore thumb, and you can bann her from your photos because she will look hideous.

She'd be dressed for a funeral and thats so rude and disrespectful to you and your fiance.

Considering most of the men will be wearing black, slate, grey, or navy blue suits, a woman in a black dress isn’t likely to look like some freakish outstander.