AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

They are both a big no! Is she ok? How can she think either appropriate.

It's fascinating what weddings bring up. All the drama and dynamics. Another point of view has popped into my mind (not necessarily representing the first dress cos that was bonkers as everyone has said) MIL is obviously going very dressy and glam, and it could be said that she's really invested in the occassion. It's obviously very important to her as she's going all out. A relative of mine, who is usually a lovely dresser, wore an extremely casual dress to my wedding and she was making a statement in that way too. She didn't see it as important. So maybe we can spin it that your mil sees the day as hugely special and wants to dress accordingly.

The first dress was a mental choice!
second one is more appropriate for a mother of the bride. Doesn’t match with the theme and she will boil alive wearing black in Spain but that’s up to her I suppose.

Phew! That one is so much better!

Ask your husband to have a quiet chat with her explaining it's not the actual dress but the colour you're unhappy about. If she insists on wearing black then have your photographer do pictures with all your bright colourful wedding party together then separate ones with both of you & his parents so she doesn't stand out in the group photos. I'm sure you'll all look amazing on the day & people will notice she's a 'stand out' but who cares, you'll not notice it on the day as you'll be so happy & carried along with all the excitement.

@DaylightTreachery she is 65 and slim according to OP

We don’t know that she’s not young and slim. And MofG outfits have moved on from this kind of thing.

I've had a thought @MumofHennHals you say she has a very good figure...was she ever a ballerina?

Do you think this could be some Black Swan tendencies surfacing & this is her last gasp attempt to win her boy back?!?

Gently explain to her it is a wedding & not a staging of Swan Lake, so she can get in something cheery like everyone else who actually wants to be there to CELEBRATE the two of you getting hitched, not mourn it ;)

When you’re a close relative of the bride, It’s jsut common courtesy to check your outfit doesn’t clash theme , match the bride or upstage the bride. YANBU

Well, it’s a nice ball dress, but not for a wedding. And, to be honest, that dress is for younger, and slim women. Not for a mother of the bride/groom.

I think guests should be allowed to choose their own outfits, and “colour palettes” are a bit OTT, but that’s not a wedding guest dress. 🤷‍♀️

I actually really like the second dress and if she’s as elegant as you say she’ll look stunning. Yes it is black and yes it has a small train but it’s a huge improvement on the first dress and - importantly- with this one she wont detract from you on your day.

I would just tell her you’re disappointed she’s wearing black… maybe drop into conversation that you showed your friends the dress and they said ‘oh! I thought she liked you’…..
or something similar….
don’t say it in a nasty way, but just casually say that MIL wearing black does give off mourning vibes … people will think she’s sad you’re joining the family etc…
Id also suggest she didn’t wear something so long, tell her it looks too bride rather than mother/MIL.
maybe you could find some dresses you would be happy for her wear and send them to her with a simple ‘you’ll look lovely in this and this will look better be cooler on the day! Send her LOADS until she gets the hint!
if she still wears the black dress then as someone else said, I’d get the dress photoshopped to be a colour that does match your theme….
although I’m all honestly it isn’t usually a picture of everyone that makes it onto your wall…. You’ll end up with a nice picture of you and DH & your two DC on the wall… the others will all be in a photo book that you look at maybe 5 times over the next 20 years!

It’s beautiful for a prom dress, or for a bride or bridesmaids that wants a theme of black and white.
But no I wouldn’t expect a MIL to wear it at a wedding.
It certainly gives of Addams family vibes!

Both of the dresses are for mourning. Just keep that in mind when you tell her she can not wear any. You should not be wearing a black wedding dress.
It reminds me of Carrie's Underwood song: Just a dream (where she suppose to get married, coming in white, but it was just a dream, as her husband to be was killed in the war and her white gown turns black. Watch it, you'll see what I mean. That's how your MIL will looks like.)

The outfit sounds terrible but I didn't care what anyone wore as long as they were there

Isn't getting married meant to be the most important bit?

Black with a train? Is she mourning, because you're marrying her son? Absolutely no go! And same goes for white!

I very much hope that she won’t be a laughing stock. The OP describes her as tall and slim - I expect her upper arms are still in good shape. Maybe she really likes herself in black.

I would look terrible in either dress but perhaps this woman will look elegant in the second dress.

The new alternative is still ridiculous, she will be a laughing stock. What is wrong with this woman?

Had no idea red was a wedding faux pas too! Breasts wouldn't bother me either - and I'm pretty flat chested.

Maybe she Googled Spanish wedding guest attire? Or Continental wedding attire?
Where I grew up, weddings don't have to be before late afternoon, most guests come to the church wedding in long dresses, and in glamorous evening dresses.
Perhaps only in England have we a daytime wedding requirement, made to try and protect heiresses being swayed into marriage after a few glasses of fizzy. Possibly a Georgian idea.

I've just seen the dresses. Why so slinky and glam on your wedding day? Can't she wear pastels and fade into the background like most MILs/MOBs do at their daughters' weddings? I wouldn't dream of wearing something so sexy to a wedding.

Who on earth thinks it's OK to wear a black dress to a wedding???

I was wondering this too, sort of thing I'd do lol , but guess it depends on the relationship between the Motner in law and daughter in law

I know you said you get on OP, but she's sending you a message by wearing black, especially after you've said your preference.

Yes, no one dictates what people wear, but most people don't need explaining that certain colours are not cool.

A friend wore a red dress to my wedding, with cleavage spilling out. Didn't think much during the wedding until looking back at the photos, it was jarring.

Black will stand out for all the wrong reasons.

I’d never wear black to a wedding so also wrong on that level too