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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

640 replies

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 13:17

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

OP posts:
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21
Tangobag · 11/11/2024 14:58

SanctusInDistress · 11/11/2024 14:49

I am curious as to your use of ‘you deserve….’. If it rains on that day, or it’s cloudy, are you going to tell the clouds off??!

jeez, people take their weddings seriously don’t they?!

Aye, I’d tell the clouds off, you got me. Why shouldn’t people take their weddings seriously?

TheChosenTwo · 11/11/2024 14:58

Gwenhwyfar · 11/11/2024 14:56

Of course.

The last three weddings I’ve been to (and know B&G well!) have never bothered with getting wedding photos printed out 😂 they had them digitally but didn’t do anything with them.

295bkq · 11/11/2024 14:57

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 11/11/2024 14:56

If you are marrying in Church in Spain, she will need something to cover her shoulders.

might be best if the attention seeker isn’t allowed into church

Coconutter24 · 11/11/2024 14:57

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 14:02

Said dresz

A black dress I can understand if that’s what the wearer is comfortable in but a black wedding dress!! Why would anyone think that dress is ok? Yes it’s gorgeous but not for a wedding guest

hadenoughofplayinggames · 11/11/2024 14:56

Gwenhwyfar · 11/11/2024 14:55

I normally don't agree with brides specifying what colour guests should wear, but you don't wear a black dress to a wedding unless you're the groom's ex!

Maybe that’s what MIL sees herself as 😂😂😂

thepariscrimefiles · 11/11/2024 14:56

Fabbygranny · 11/11/2024 14:21

Jesus, unless she's 25, 5 foot 8 and a size 1 she'll look a bugger in it. I would be mortified as well - WTH is she thinking!!

If she's a bit overweight, she'll look like Ursula the Sea Witch.

Gwenhwyfar · 11/11/2024 14:56

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 11/11/2024 14:54

Does anyone actually look at wedding photos anyway?

Of course.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 11/11/2024 14:56

If you are marrying in Church in Spain, she will need something to cover her shoulders.

mitogoshigg · 11/11/2024 14:56

The American motb type dresses often have trains, seems odd to be but it's normal for them so they will appear on online sites. I wouldn't opt for black either. I think of motb dresses as being knee length or just below, formal, perhaps patterned with a coordinated jacket eg from Hobbs but times are a changing

hadenoughofplayinggames · 11/11/2024 14:55

SanctusInDistress · 11/11/2024 14:54

How about hairstyles, should people not wear a hairstyle and hair colour that might not look good on a photograph?

seriously! I think arguing over anything aesthetic at a wedding the bride or groom have no control over is ridiculous!

You’re being purposely obtuse.

Gwenhwyfar · 11/11/2024 14:55

candycane222 · 11/11/2024 13:22

I mean honestly? Are you sure your "colour pallette" is actually more important than your relationship with a really important member of your family? Yes, she'll look odd, and you could have perhaps suggested that the other people will be more colourful so she'll stand out a bit, to check she's ok with this.

But please don't get yourself worked up about it, it's your own vibe you're killing.

I normally don't agree with brides specifying what colour guests should wear, but you don't wear a black dress to a wedding unless you're the groom's ex!

295bkq · 11/11/2024 14:54

I’d just let her wear it. She’ll look like a total twat. Her problem.

SanctusInDistress · 11/11/2024 14:54

hadenoughofplayinggames · 11/11/2024 14:51

Yeah people do tend to take once in a lifetime occasions they’ve spent thousands of pounds on pretty seriously.

Give over, you are embarrassing yourself.

How about hairstyles, should people not wear a hairstyle and hair colour that might not look good on a photograph?

seriously! I think arguing over anything aesthetic at a wedding the bride or groom have no control over is ridiculous!

NewName24 · 11/11/2024 14:54

Hoppinggreen · 11/11/2024 13:45

While I don't agree in general with dictating what people wear to weddings and trying to get all the guests in similar colours is a bit bridezilla BUT black with a train is ridiculous and you were right to give her your honest opinion

I completely agree with this, (and, if it helps am about to be mother of the groom).

I can't believe that she is genuinely thinking she would copy the shape and style of the bride's dress.

Of course YWNBU to let her know that is completely inappropriate.
However, that's all you can do.
I would say "You asked me for my opinion, and I have given it. Obviously it is completely up to you what decision you make about what you wear." then leave it at that.
If she chooses to, you know what everyone will be thinking, and you tried to help her but she wouldn't take it on board.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 11/11/2024 14:54

RampantIvy · 11/11/2024 14:17

It's a wedding not a photoshoot.

I find it so depressing that so many people prioritise the photos over the real reason for being at a wedding.

Does anyone actually look at wedding photos anyway?

fruitbrewhaha · 11/11/2024 14:54

Get your DP and his Dad to speak to her. I think she’s being right cow trying to, not upstage, but match your dress. You’re the bride, she’s not supposed to wear a dress like yours. After you’ve made such an effort to include her she pulls this shit. It’s not a nice thing to do.

Peachy2005 · 11/11/2024 14:52

Just have your DH tell her it’s not appropriate and not what you want in the photos. Good luck!

fromthegecko · 11/11/2024 14:52

Show it to your photographer. If they're any good they should be able to mitigate the effect with choice of groupings, poses etc. Also get the shortest bridesmaid/child to stand in front of her in every shot.

Won't she need a shawl?

hadenoughofplayinggames · 11/11/2024 14:51

SanctusInDistress · 11/11/2024 14:49

I am curious as to your use of ‘you deserve….’. If it rains on that day, or it’s cloudy, are you going to tell the clouds off??!

jeez, people take their weddings seriously don’t they?!

Yeah people do tend to take once in a lifetime occasions they’ve spent thousands of pounds on pretty seriously.

Give over, you are embarrassing yourself.

thepariscrimefiles · 11/11/2024 14:51

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 14:02

Said dresz

Lol, that's a bit attention-seeking!

SanctusInDistress · 11/11/2024 14:49

Tangobag · 11/11/2024 14:46

I think the people who are all ‘oh I wouldn’t dream of dictating what people wear to my wedding, it’s all about love!! 🥺’ people are being bloody silly. If she wears that dress, it’s going to be the first thing your eye is drawn to in any pictures. It’s your wedding, you deserve to have nice pictures of it where you and your husband are the main focus, not some twit in a black dress! I’d put my foot down and tell her to stop being ridiculous and buy an appropriate dress.

I am curious as to your use of ‘you deserve….’. If it rains on that day, or it’s cloudy, are you going to tell the clouds off??!

jeez, people take their weddings seriously don’t they?!

Katiesaidthat · 11/11/2024 14:48

Overheater · 11/11/2024 13:49

Forget the colour palette. She’s going to boil in black with a train.

Spend every August in southern Spain and a long black dress is not something I’d want to wear

Absolutely. I´m from Southern Spain and she will boil from the inside out in August. Also, if the wedding is near the coast, she will sweat like a pig. Not a good look.
I´ve worn black to a wedding, but then I did pair it with gold, pink and turqoise accessories. And no, I didn´t wear a train. Is it one of these dresses that imitates a flamenco dress, hence the train?

Jungfraujoch · 11/11/2024 14:47

Gosh - it looks more suitable for Halloween than a sunny wedding! She’ll look like she’s in fancy dress!

Badburyrings · 11/11/2024 14:47

TheJones · 11/11/2024 14:34

I like it! Why not?! It doesn’t look bridal . Let her crack on!

Are you joking or are you the MIL? OF COURSE it looks like a black bridal dress. I actually gasped when I saw a picture of it, not just because of the colour but the fact it is essentially a wedding dress.

Schleep · 11/11/2024 14:46

I've just googled "Mother of the Groom" dress and am really taken aback by the number of floor length white gowns being sold as "MOB/MOG dresses"