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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

640 replies

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 13:17

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

OP posts:
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21
Berthatydfil · 11/11/2024 15:36

That dress is not your mother of the groom outfit - it is clearly trying to compete with the bride in style / outdo the bride and wearing black - well!!

I think her son should tell her she will be the talk / laughing stock of the wedding and will look foolish.

He should spell it out that people will laugh and talk about for a) for wearing a wedding dress to her sons wedding and b) for wearing black to her sons wedding. He should say that he cant stop her wearing it but he doesn't like it and wont defend her for wearing it.

Alicecatto · 11/11/2024 15:36

She needs a black hat or a fascinator with a veil to complete her ensemble.

Apolloneuro · 11/11/2024 15:35

What about suggesting she wears it in the evening and gets something else for the daytime. She’ll look ridiculous in that dress in the day.

NotARealWookiie · 11/11/2024 15:35

That’s literally a black wedding dress and quite funereal. What is she thinking?

Could you be really tactful and try to include her more in the bridal party by finding a dress in the colour of the grooms tie or something?

JudyKing · 11/11/2024 15:34

How big is the train??!!

gamerchick · 11/11/2024 15:33

I don't think I even paid attention to what people wore to my wedding.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 11/11/2024 15:33

OnLockdown · 11/11/2024 15:28

That photo has been taken in Seville. She has probably Googled "Seville/wedding dress" and that picture has come up so she thinks it's appropriate.

I doubt very much that photo was taken in Seville. I think a photo of Saville has been downloaded and that dress was photoshopped on to it.

FloralCrown · 11/11/2024 15:32

This is a problem for your H2B to sort out.

"Mum, if you wear black to the wedding everyone will assume you don't approve of the marriage; is that the case?"

"No" (hopefully)

"Great, then you can pick an outfit that is wedding-appropriate. Ask OP if you want tips on the colour palette etc."

Job done.

Daftasabroom · 11/11/2024 15:31

Magic Eraser?

PrincessofWells · 11/11/2024 15:31

A beautiful dress and I'm sure it will be fine. Older women in Spain/Portugal often wear black to weddings. Personally I think the days have passed when you can try to dictate other people's clothes for all sorts of reasons.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 11/11/2024 15:30

Jiook · 11/11/2024 15:23

Showed the picture to my DH who laughed and said 'someone is desperate to upstage the bride!'

She's not going to upstage anyone. It's a ghastly, tacky, cheap dress but if she wants to wear a hideous, cheap, faux glamorous dress let her. If I saw anyone wearing that I'd just think "terrible dress"

Dress on website
Same dress on Ali Express

Black Lace Mermaid Wedding Dress With Sweetheart Neckline

Go bold and choose a dramatic black lace wedding dress for your big day! Your guests’ jaws will be on the floor when they see you in this sultry silhouette constructed out of stretch satin in a curve-hugging mermaid shape. The entire bridal gown is co...

https://www.moonlightbridal.com/Product/MoonlightCouture/H1549B/

Gymnopedie · 11/11/2024 15:29

RampantIvy · 11/11/2024 14:17

It's a wedding not a photoshoot.

I find it so depressing that so many people prioritise the photos over the real reason for being at a wedding.

Except that in that dress it's the MOG who's thinking about the photos, not just OP.

I don't think that dress is suitable for an MOG or MOB or tbh pretty much anyone except the bride at a wedding. In ANY colour.

OnLockdown · 11/11/2024 15:28

That photo has been taken in Seville. She has probably Googled "Seville/wedding dress" and that picture has come up so she thinks it's appropriate.

Tattletail · 11/11/2024 15:27

I think black is ok to a wedding... In the autumn or winter. But I see why you are unhappy. The dress is giving evening ball gown/ Met Gala vibes.

Hmm 🤔 good luck with tackling this OP!

Summerbod25 · 11/11/2024 15:27

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 13:17

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

Just be more direct. State that she will not be in any family photos if she persists in this choice of outfit. Call out her behaviour with a firm boundary now, or she’ll always be at this shit.

PersilPower · 11/11/2024 15:27

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 14:02

Said dresz

Sorry OP, zero help, but that dress made me think of someone melodramatically throwing themselves on the marriage altar in grief, mourning the loss of her beloved son as he’s ripped away from the family home. She’ll be squishing every drop from your citrusy Spanish theme! Hopefully she’ll see sense xx

TTPDTS · 11/11/2024 15:26

That's literally a black wedding dress!!

Changeyourfuckingcar · 11/11/2024 15:26

Hahahaha no fuck off, she cannot be serious?!?! No, that dress is absolutely bloody ridiculous. Does she make jokes like this often?! 😅
You need to stop putting so much emphasis on your insta-perfect photos and far more on how just plain inappropriate that dress is.

Apolloneuro · 11/11/2024 15:25

Reminds me of an episode of Say Yes To The Dress when the bride’s mum started trying on the dresses and said she was going to wear one of them to the wedding.

SiobhanSharpe · 11/11/2024 15:25

Didn't Raquel Welch wear black to her son's wedding to an English woman (it was in in Yorkshire (!) AFAICR.
I believe it was also cut to showcase Raquel's famous assets. It was much commented on at the time.
But if your Mil is Raquel Welch it could have been foreseen, I suppose.

Projectme · 11/11/2024 15:24

Just seen the pic of dress.

Fuck me that's holy inappropriate for the mother of groom to wear. She would definitely be upstaging you if she wore that. Unless she's got a good sense of humour and she's pranking you, I'd say she doesn't like you very much!

Umbrellasinthesunshine · 11/11/2024 15:24

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 14:02

Said dresz

This is giving Monster in Law vibes! What the hell!!? It’s basically a wedding dress in black.

Waystation · 11/11/2024 15:24

I can’t believe the future MIL thought that dress would be okay - are you sure she was serious? Definitely not appropriate.

lalaloopyhead · 11/11/2024 15:23

No, no and thrice no! I was envisaging flamenco dancer from the OP and to be fair that is not far off. Apart from ruining the look of your photos, surely the more important issue is that everyone will think she is absolutely bonkers!?
I would be thinking attention seeking/making a point of mourning the loss of her son - my eyebrows would be very much raised if I saw a MOB in that dress, as lovely as it is for the right occasion.
Are you sure its not a joke??