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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

640 replies

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 13:17

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
21
Whatonearth07957 · 11/11/2024 18:21

Can she get a lemon shawl across her?!

Whatonearth07957 · 11/11/2024 18:20

Wow... The bride is supposed to stand out not MIL... She will be the main focus in that... Not cool

BettyBardMacDonald · 11/11/2024 18:19

She'll look like she's in vampire fancy dress. Like a complete fool. People are going to be saying "WTF?" to one another.

None of that is your responsibility or worth hand-wringing over, though it's extremely selfish of her.

Just make sure you get lots of photos without her in them. And display those.

I guarantee you'll laugh about "Morticia at the wedding" as the years wear on.

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 18:16

RampantIvy · 11/11/2024 14:17

It's a wedding not a photoshoot.

I find it so depressing that so many people prioritise the photos over the real reason for being at a wedding.

No love, it's not a photoshoot, it's a wedding we've waited and saved hard for being together 15 years with two children. I don't want to look back at photos and instantly think 'F-in dress!!!!' Which I will and that seems unfair also.

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 11/11/2024 18:16

You stated your preference and it's up to MIL whether she follows it.
I doubt that a woman decades older than you wearing a similar style dress in black is going to outshine you! She may stand out abit in the wedding photos, but more likely she will disappear in your colour scheme.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 11/11/2024 18:15

TheJones · 11/11/2024 14:32

Golly- I got married 9 years ago- had the most beautiful wedding. Didn’t once care or think what others wore. I suppose if someone wore a white wedding dress I would have been taken aback but I never thought about photos and colours. I think some weddings have got quite out of proportion- it’s a day to celebrate your love for each other. Don’t sweat the small stuff !

Have you not seen the update with the actual dress?! Black dress - fine, you don’t police what people wear etc etc. Batshit Morticia Adams wedding dress - and she has asked for the bride’s opinion - she’s more than justified to tell her it’s not appropriate!

Comtesse · 11/11/2024 18:15

Not worried about black at weddings, quite common in Europe, not a faux pas at all.

But THAT dress - good grief, she must have banged her head if she thinks that’s ok.

InsiderBetty · 11/11/2024 18:12

MumofHennHals · 11/11/2024 14:02

Said dresz

I've been to weddings in Greece and Italy where guests wear dresses like this and I'd say you'd see dresses like this at a black tie wedding.

what is odd is that she's chosen the same style as your dress but in black. That is very odd but I'd ignore her. No one will be paying her much attention at the wedding.

hope you have a lovely time, sounds like a fun day!

GoldenPheasant · 11/11/2024 18:03

You lost me at "wedding colour palette".

AnonymousBleep · 11/11/2024 17:59

RampantIvy · 11/11/2024 17:56

She already has. Click on See All on the OP's first post.

I meant the above poster's MIL's seethrough dress.

RampantIvy · 11/11/2024 17:56

AnonymousBleep · 11/11/2024 17:54

Please post a picture. (Of the dress or your MIL or both. I am hoping it's one of those weird things from Shein).

She already has. Click on See All on the OP's first post.

category12 · 11/11/2024 17:56

Mylittlebobble · 11/11/2024 17:52

I don't think it's the colour that's the problem! It's because it's an actual wedding dress. Maybe put the bridesmaids in the same so it draws less attention away. See how mil likes that. 😉

I feel like it's definitely part of the problem 😂

AnonymousBleep · 11/11/2024 17:54

StrawberryWater · 11/11/2024 17:52

Count yourself lucky.

My mil wore a see through dress at my wedding!

Please post a picture. (Of the dress or your MIL or both. I am hoping it's one of those weird things from Shein).

Skate76 · 11/11/2024 17:54

She's making a statement with that dress and playing silly buggers. I'd let her wear it but make sure she's only in one or two photos but I'm VERY passive aggressive and VERY patient when it comes to revenge 💐

AnonymousBleep · 11/11/2024 17:53

That is a gorgeous dress but not for the mother of the groom. More vampire ball, really. Oh dear, does she have form for being an attention stealer?

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking guests to dress according to a colour theme. I went to a red-themed wedding earlier this year and it was just a bit of fun and everyone joined in.

FigTreeInEurope · 11/11/2024 17:53

Are you walking down the aisle to the Jesus and Mary chain?

BotanicalGreen · 11/11/2024 17:53

StrawberryWater · 11/11/2024 17:52

Count yourself lucky.

My mil wore a see through dress at my wedding!

What!

Mylittlebobble · 11/11/2024 17:52

category12 · 11/11/2024 17:38

Her son needs to tell her she's being a weirdo wearing black to a wedding. "It's not a funeral or halloween, mum, please choose something else."

I don't think it's the colour that's the problem! It's because it's an actual wedding dress. Maybe put the bridesmaids in the same so it draws less attention away. See how mil likes that. 😉

StrawberryWater · 11/11/2024 17:52

Count yourself lucky.

My mil wore a see through dress at my wedding!

Daisy12Maisie · 11/11/2024 17:51

If she wears black it will look like she is in mourning about her son getting married.

I would find it amusing if I was a guest but would also feel very awkward for her.

I would say I think more summery colours would look better and I'm not sure about the train but it's up to you. Then leave her to it. If she looks ridiculous then on her head be it. She won't be in all your photos as it will be just you and the groom in some. I think there will always be someone looking strange in a group photo.

pinkstripeycat · 11/11/2024 17:50

Wedding colour pallet 😂

category12 · 11/11/2024 17:38

Her son needs to tell her she's being a weirdo wearing black to a wedding. "It's not a funeral or halloween, mum, please choose something else."

Davros · 11/11/2024 17:34

@LookItsMeAgain I assumed it was from the Freemans catalogue or similar 😹
I think it's horrible and looks cheap in every meaning

brentwoods · 11/11/2024 17:34

Everyone who thinks “let her crack on with it” has not seen the photo of the dress. There is no way anyone could think that wearing a black wedding dress as the MOG is in any way appropriate.

ETA: I don’t believe anyone would be fine with that at their own wedding. It’s easy to say “it will be fine” when it’s not your special day.

Firstimpressions · 11/11/2024 17:34

The dress is stunning & if she is as described no doubt she will look stunning wearing it. I am ambivalent. Part of me thinks it would be lovely to see similar shaped dresses one in black one in white with everyone else in citrus bright colours,lovely in photos too. Another part of me is thinking I don't want upstaged on my wedding day. Having said that you could have a sister who is a bridesmaid & looks like a stunning super model so would she have to wear something unflattering. It's definitely a dilemma. I imagine the train part won't look as obvious if not spread out. If you are comfortable that you wouldn't feel upstaged then if mil feels good I'd let her go ahead.

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