AIBU to think our grandchildren will miss out on having grandparents?

I think I agree to an extent - certainly with my kid's grandparents they can provide a lot more fun as they are not the ones doing all the hard work and faffing with getting the up, dressed fed etc etc etc. They have the experience and ability to provide a really warm presence in my kids's lives and really are enriching their childhood.

I didn't have the same relationship with my grandparents, either because they had died, were sick or not hands on and while I wasn't bothered as a kid it's makes me see what we did miss out on. I'm so grateful they have their grandparents and a little wistful me and my sisters didn't have the same.

I agree. I was born to a parent who was young when they had me, and that parent was young when they were born. My DH's family were the opposite. I have a grandparent who is younger than his dad!

My mum was 73 when my nephew was born, and I remember her saying "I hope he'll remember me".
Fast forward 21 years, my mum is now 94 and has seen my nephew almost weekly during that time.
My kids are only 4, so I hope in the future they will have memories of my (still healthy) mum.

I agree it is sad. I had a lovely relationship with my grandparents, only one died before I was 21 one lived until my 40s. They were only in their 50s when I was born and used to take us to the park etc. If anything had happened to my parents, crucially, they would have been able to take us to live with them. I had DS late 30s, and it's unlikely he will have any GPs by late his teens simply because the youngest was 68 when he was born. It worries me.

my maternal grandmother died when i was 4 my paternal grandparents died before i was born. My kids had paternal grandparents but no maternal grandparents. My parents were late 30's when i was born. I didnt think i had missed anything not having grandparents when i was growing up until i had my own grandchildren. They are the complete joy of my life i love seeing them and having them come to stay and they ask for sleepovers all of the time. They keep me young. Its only now i think i did miss out on not having grandparents.

Not really as simple as that though is, I had DD at 27 and my mum died by the time DD was 4

So what you gonna do, ban people from having g kids over 30?

It is what it is...

I agree that it’s better to have grandparents around for help with childcare and general support. And it’s better to have special relationship with them. It’s not always the case even you’ve had your children very young.
What is the point of your post and what exactly do you suggest? Your children don’t have access to a Time Machine.

This. I had DC mid thirties but because my parents and their parents had DC fairly young and they’ve had long lives my older DC still have all their grandparents and four great grandparents. But because we live away they don’t see each other very often anyway. They still have a ‘special relationship’, but it’s different to the relationship that I had with my grandparents (who we saw multiple times a week), and we have no support with childcare. I’m now mid 40s and my parents are still working, anyway!

Meh idk, think it's going to be very much dependant on how you as a person end up feeling about it. Some people are more apt to contemplate on things than others.

My mum was a grandmother in her 40's, and her last grandchild was born when she was 68. Not sure she was any more hands on with the first than the last tbh as when #1 was born she was still working full time, whereas now she's retired. She's less likely to be building dens and playing raucous games of cowboys and indians with GC #9 but they do plenty of other things when they're together. Proximity is more of an issue, as she lived up the road from the first batch of GC's so could pick them up from school and have them for sleepovers etc rather than seeing them at Christmas or on video calls.

I don't particularly think GC1, 2, 3 feels like they were super blessed to have a younger grandmother, they've certainly never mentioned it, just the same as GC6,7+ hasn't really said anything about having an older one. The older ones did get to hang out with their great-grandma (GC1 even knew their Great, Great Grandma) which is a cool to be able to say, but it didn't shape their world particularly, and the younger ones don't know any better.

My grandparents were all in their 50's when I was born, but we lived on the opposite side of the country to one another. I still look back on our time together with real fondness and many of them were some of my fave people. Didn't occur to me to mind that the weren't younger or living next door. You just know what you know. Or that's how we seem to be about it anyway.

I understand what you are saying but life expectancy -and more to the point healthy life expectancy - has increased a lot too. While it can't make up the ahortfall if people have kids at 40, 35-odd year generation gaps are probably at least as active-grandparent-friendly as the <30 generation time of yesteryear.

Three of my grandparents died when they were early-to-mid sixties so I didn't have them.for very long as a grandchild, either 🙁 -even though they were <60 when I was born.

By contrast, two of my children's GPs made it to their late 70s and the other two are still alive...and all were active (as active as they wanted to be anyway 😅) GPs well into their 70s at least.

Yes but people are living longer so that possibly cancels out.

I never knew either of my grandfathers as they were both significantly older fathers. I don't suppose it really affected me as i didn't know!

My DD only has one grandparent despite us all being "younger" parents.

I agree, parents are getting older and that mean grandparents are getting older. The average for your 1st child is till early 30s (31 I believe).

It wouldn’t make that much difference to us, yes we see our parents occasionally but not often and they don’t help. My parents haven’t seen the kids since mid July.

I was born in 1960. We only had one grandparent growing up who lived in a different country. Two died before I was born and one not long after, due to poor healthcare e.g. TB

I guess there are no guarantees in life with things like these, although I do understand your point Op. My parents had me in their mid 30’s and I very sadly lost my mum when I was just 25. My grandparents on my dad’s side were long passed before I was born and on my mum’s side they were in their 80’s in care homes. I don’t have any memories of grandparents as such but became exceptionally close with my mum and my aunt, who was like a bonus mum to me when mine passed. Kids are really accepting of their particular circumstances - I never missed what I’d never had.
My mum died at just 60, some people live until they’re 100 and in reasonably good health. There’s literally no way of knowing what’s going to be.

My mother told me very frequently that if I got pregnant (young) she wouldn't be raising the baby for me . I don't know why she said that because I wasn't in a risk category for a teen or even 20s pregnancy. I had never expressed an interest in babies nor had I ever brought up the subject with her.
I had my first DC at 35.
With an attitude like that she was never going to be a young granny 🤷🏻‍♀️

I didn't have any grandparents and it didn't matter to me whatsoever.

Most people in the UK miss out on the extended family… grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins etc…. I think the extended family are not important in the UK society. Focus is on the nuclear family only.

Having children later may mean the loss of a long relationship with grandparents, but that doesn't mean it doesn't come with lots of other benefits. It's for each couple to weigh up what's best for them.

Definitely better to have children in a stable relationship and with comfortable finances than to have them in less favourable conditions just so they have grandparents.

Love the description upthread of grandparents being sprinkles on the cake rather than key ingredients.

PIL were mid 70s when we had ours, they're brilliant grandparents and utterly adored by my DC.

I agree OP but it isn't a popular view on Mumsnet. My parents were 40 and 44 when I was born and I only ever knew one grandparent. And my parents were elderly, and then dead, long before those of my friends. I know there are no guarantees in life but I do feel I missed out. And there are many children growing up nowadays who may feel the same.

I agree!

we had my son late 20s party for this reason, our friends thought we were mad because we didn’t have our own home yet and neither of us were earning good money yet.

8 years on and we have the house and my DH the better paid job.

you just don’t get that time back, I honestly wish more parents would just go for it

I agree! Reason I was keen to have DC young...haven't had them as young as I would have liked to as hadn't met DH. I'm grateful my parents are 'young' parents and can be energetic hands on grandparents...ILs are quite a bit older and just don't have the same relationship or energy to go to soft play or run around a park (partly think it's personality too, not just age)! Don't mean to cause any offence with this, just my experience!

My parents didn't have me until they were 38 and 35- not for lack of trying before that. My dad's mum died when he was 16 so I wouldn't have known her unless he'd have been an inappropriately young father! His dad I got to spend lots of time with but he sadly died in a road accident when I was 5 years old. Age wasn't a factor in it, just random and very sad.

I knew both my other grandparents and also had other family members and friends who were grandparent figures and around until my 20s. My kids also knew/know all four grandparents, my dad only died 5 years ago.

I had DDs in my 30s so if I get that far I might be a granny in my 60s, which seems quite normal to me.

Doesn’t feel like a new thing to me. I grew up without grandparents and I only have one parent left.

I feel it deeply. Not so much the not knowing my grandparents (although I felt jealous when my friends talked about theirs when I was little) but the losing a parent at a relatively young age.

Just because you can have kids when you’re old doesn’t mean you should. I’m very pro adoption because it’s often children looking for homes rather than babies, so that helps with the age issue.

I’m sure the above will upset some people, but I can’t change how upset I am to only have one linear ancestor left. I do feel like I’ve missed out. I’m going to be a mess when I’m finally orphaned.