AIBU to think our grandchildren will miss out on having grandparents?

This will be an issue in the future.

Adults won't have grandparents.

It has lots of unintended consequences

I'm in my late 40s and never had any grandparents as all died before I was born. I guess I don't miss it as I never had it.....never really thought about it to be honest. My parents were both the youngest of their generation and I am the youngest best of mine...my grandparents were born in 1890-1900! Crazy!

I agree too. I am in my 40s but I lost my parents (they weren't old). I had my children in my 30s but I am mindful of this especially after losing my own parents so young.

I had my girls at 33 and 38. I was the fifth child of older parents who were already dead. However my daughters both have newborns and many of their friends have had babies a couple of years after uni so there is always that circumstance too.

It’s very likely that even if your kids are 40 they will be around, healthy and active until their 80s now. Wealthy people always live longer, happier healthier lives.

My grandparents were all in their late seventies/early eighties when I was born and I still had them all until I was mid-teens.

That said, they all lived in a different country and we didn't really have much of a relationship.

Well that’s because young people don’t feel capable of being parents due to their housing and financial situation. Couples are going to continue to put off having families until they have fiscal security and housing is certainly not getting cheaper anytime soon.

People are more mobile nowadays. My DPs arr young enough to be actively involved but i live 100 miles from them.

However you want to colour it there are pros and cons to having children at different stages of your life, and one of the pros of having children younger is having more time with grandparents and also not being sandwiched between young children and elderly parents both requiring care. Talking generally of course, doesn't always work like that of course. Not saying it's a reason to have children younger, but some MNers are so hell bent on convincing others (themselves?) that their age was the perfect age that all rational thinking is lost. Pros and cons.

What do you want people to do differently?

I didn't get together with the father of my child til I was 38. We conceived after an appropriate time getting to know each other, and the first pregnancy to stick meant I became a mother in my early 40s.

My alternatives were to not have children at all, or try solo earlier in my life, or try to get knocked up on a one night stand or trick an unwilling boyfriend.

Yes im sad that i wont have more children and my parents are 15 years older than they might have been as grandparents. What should I have done differently?

My mother was a very young parent (20). I’d say too immature for kids and I had very unsettled childhood due to lack of money etc. . I’d trade having mature well settled parents for grandparents any day!

This is something I think about a lot, having had my first child at 39. I hope I’m in good enough health to be in any future grandchildren’s lives. Not least to let my DS and DD experience what it’s like to have family help. We wouldn’t know what that looked like: DH’s parents are long gone and mine were only partially interested. For show.

What's your solution OP?

Society isn't set up for people to have children earlier, and I really don't think a possible lack of grandparents should be the reason anyone decides not to have a child at an older age.

Which is an excellent point as a lot of people are working longer. I have no plans to retire for maybe another 15-20 years. My own DD will be 40 at that point. If I am working, she doesn't stand much chance of asking me to do childcare.

An active/involved grandparent can be a nice addition but it’s not necessary for a happy childhood.

on the Elderly Parents’ topic there seem to be quite a few people in their 70s whose parents in their 90s expect them to run round after them. Surely this is a downside of having young parents. Healthy grandparents who are retired are free to spend more them with their grandchildren.

I was so lucky to have 4 living grandparents till I was 16

3 living great grandparents till I was about 10

Im 39 this year and still have both my grandfather's.

Unfortunately, my dad isn't that interested in my kids and I an NC with my mother.

DH parents have decided to live in Australia and only see the kids once every 2/3 years.

It saddens me often. I hope to encourage my DC to have children young if they want them and give them lots of help. I would love to be an active involved grandmother someday.

I think you're probably right, & it's very sad, but there's nothing to be done about it, so what's the point in fretting over it??

It’s no big deal. Some people have some things, others do not have them. Every life is different. A kid with engaged grandparents might have an alcoholic father or a Mum with depression. Kid next door may have no granny living but a Mum with perfect mental health. You win some, you lose some. We all know what we know. No point worrying about minor differences.

I wouldn't worry @villagecrafts. From other posts, grandparents are allowed the sum total of fuck all without being accused - angrily - of being interfering and judgmental anyway.

When I was a child, right up to being almost 20 I had 3 great-grandparents and all 4 grandparents still alive - out of 7, only 2 brought any joy to my life and wanted to play any part in my life. My favourite grandmother was mid 40s when she gave birth to my parent (so an older parent), lived until her 90s and saw me grow up into an adult, on the other hand my PITA grandmother had her DC very young and was only 50 when I was born. She might still be alive, but I don’t really see her.

So from my fortunate experience, I don’t agree. Age guarantees nothing.

I had no maternal grandparents (grandad died when mum was a child and Nanna died when I was 6 months old). My dad's parents (both in their 50's when I was born), were complete arseholes and we had very little contact with them. TBH I'd rather have had none than those 2 twats.

I'm the opposite end of the scale and the issue with childcare is there as grandparents are still working.
When I was born, my mum was 21, my nan was 38 and my great nan was 55. None were at retirement age so weren't available for childcare.