AIBU to think our grandchildren will miss out on having grandparents?

Depends on the individuals.

My DM was young when she had me. I was in my mid twenties when I had my DC.

My DC have enjoyed a really close, fun relationship with my DM, their nan. Roller coasters, fun fairs, horse riding, Alton Towers, dancing with her at parties, bouncy castles! You name it, she's done it with them!

So yes, had DM and I both been older mothers, my DC would definitely have missed out. Really missed out on her and her them.

However!!! The other grandparents (my DHs side) were also young enough to spend tons of quality time with our DC but chose not to. (Well, my DHs miserable step mother wouldn't allow my DHs father to have a relationship with his own grandchildren but that's another story).

5-10 years, even a bloody month of a loving, close relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren is far preferable to 30 years of total indifference. (Looking at you in-laws.)

My mam had me at 35 (father was 31) but then I had DS at 23. He had 3 grandparents and 5 great grandparent when he was born and at 11 has 3 grandparents and 2 great grandparents.

I always thought I would be an older mam but we are so glad accidents happen, as having him young means he has grown up with us (seen us build a life) and had chance to have a massive extended family to show him traditions and love.

You are never ready for a family be it at 20 or 40 it's a massive life changing event you adapt to which I hope DS realises and doesn't leave having kids until he is to old.

TBH I think the issue are more societal the thought that grandparents aren't expect to help look after the next generation is horrific to us. My parents did it as actual childcare as they had retired early, for us it will be likely picking up the nursery bill for DS or DH going parent time to split it with a future DIL's parents.

We had a small amount of help get on the property ladder and renovate our 1st house. We will do the same for DS.

Yay for you.

Different for everyone. But common reasons for not being ready might be -

Not met a suitable partner
Financially unable to support a child
Not mature enough - many people in their early 20s, imo, are not.
Not healthy (I know people who had significant health struggles in their teens and 20s which made those years not good for childbearing).

I can think of plenty more.

I was born in the 50s and don't remember any if my grandparents. I was the 2nd child, my parents were in their mid 20s when I was born, so young by today's norm. But, a combination of wars, no vaccinations, no anti biotics, smoking and a just a generally harder life meant that none of them lived to see their GCs grow up. By contrast, my children had all their grandparents until they were well into their 30s. They are now both in their 40s, no children from either, and not likely either. I am sure it will just vary by everyone's circumstances and everyone will just get on with it.

Yes that is what most people ( women?) say when probed that it was the lack of a willing partner, this is very much a male problem as well. Having an unplanned DC youngish had it's challenges (4 homes and 4 jobs before he went to school). Just different challenges.

True. Having grandparents is a modern thing. In the past unless you lived in cultures where women had all their babies between 10-19 it just wasn’t possible.

This isn't a new thing, before reliable contraception women gave birth until they hit menopause or died, whichever came first.

Many many babies were born with no living grand parents, especially no Grandads due to WW1 and WW2.

Well, for me being “ready” involved having a partner I had been with for long enough to commit to a future together. It comes across as really smug to suggest that anyone who wants it can have that at age 28. I would have dearly loved my then boyfriend to want to have kids and a life with me but he thought differently and dumped me unceremoniously. Took a long time after that to meet anyone else.

Before you are ready ?What does ready mean ? I took the plunge at 28, realising I may have never felt ready. I think for a lot of people if you wait till you feel ready you may risk finding it is too late. Personally I think it is far harder to adjust to parenthood after 20 years of pleasing yourself adulthood than after 5 or 6. But then neither do I think parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done.

My grandparents had 2 dc (my uncles) in their 20's

They had another (my aunt) a few years after that (cheers ww2)

They thought that was the end of that,until my aunt got to 14/15 and along came my father

He grew up,lost his mum at 19,met and married my mother just before he turned 21 and they where married 7 years before I popped out (3 stillbirths and where told they'd never have kids-they ended up with 4)

I only had 14 precious years with my darling grandad (I never met my granny),18 months of those years with him in a home,not knowing who I was and the other grandparents on my mother's side where evil fuckers who didn't want to know us

Thanks to me having kids early,mine have grandparents (but they are narc fuckers so no bonus) and have just had their great-grandchildren (my granddaughter)

It's just how life has panned out-if I hadn't have had my amazing granddad,grandparents would not have added anything to my life

What's the alternative! Have kids before you're ready for the sake of the grandparents?! I do think it's sad not to have loving grandparents around, but it's not much in anyone's control.

My parents had me in their mid 20s. I had all four grandparents, who in hindsight weren't that old - one set were mid 40s, the other mid 50s - but I rarely saw them and they certainly acted older than my Mum does in her 70s. I don't remember them ever taking me anywhere or doing anything very fun for a child.

My child only has one grandparent due to the others all dying before 60, but does have amazing aunts and adult cousins who all fill the grandparent role. DC isn't lacking in caring adult family members.

Sorry should have said v. fortunate for everyone. I lost my last GP aged 35, her oldest greatgrand child was 16.

I am the oldest child of the oldest child and the mother of the oldest GC. As both my GM and DM were in their early 20s when they became parents, and I was in my late 20s, my DC grew up knowing both their GM and GGM, who only died when they were in their late teens, they have a brilliant relationship.
Similar on the IL side of the family, although I did not meet any of DH grandparents, our DC have an excellent relationship with PIL. However my SIL and BIL were much older parents (mid-late 40s) and have DC ranging from 2 to early teens (mine are now mid-late 20s) they have a different but equally rewarding relationship with the PIL, one thing that has made this is when my DC were small PIL were still working, they were retired by the time the next wave of GC came along and were much more involved in day-to-day care.

I had 2 grandmother’s one lived in same city, died when I was 11 but was cold and distant. The other lived overseas and I saw her once or twice a year - though she was very nice. She died when I was in my 30s.

TBH I didn’t have a relationship with either. My children had both sets up to their mid 20s. The paternal (again overseas) were very cold and quite nasty and the maternal (also quite far away) very spoiling but controlling.

I think it depends on circumstances. While I think children need relationships with dependable adults, I don’t think all adults think much of children or value relationships with them. Some relationships are toxic. My mum tried to use my children as a weapon against me.

There are pros and cons to having children late, people make the right decision for them (or sometimes have no choice).

This Dd works in a care home. A lady there is 99, her daughter is 78, granddaughter is 55, greatgranddaughter is 32 and great,great granddaughter 5. That little girl will have memories of 4 generations above her. According to Dd both the 78 yo so Great, grandmother, the 55 year old grandmother are very fit, active and involved with the 5yo.

Yes, it’s a bit of a shame. But there are so many reasons that go into why people are tending to hve children later. Presumably your child(ren) didn’t have their own children later just to spite you? So YABU

Children will miss out on grandmother's because they will still be working.

I had my amazing granny in my life until I was 35. She'd already had about 12 great grandchildren by then. I miss her so much. She died 78, so not massively old.

My own parents are 65/67 and their oldest grandchild is 18 and youngest is 1. Hopefully they will get to meet great grandchildren.

Not as an individual, but I think we could make it easier for people to choose to have kids younger. House prices, for a start.

My own grandparents either had died before I was born (paternal) or when I was a toddler, I have no memories at all of them.
I had my own children when I was 28 and 31 , by the time my DS was 11, he had 1 gp left.

I didn't miss what I'd never had as a child but having a glimpse of it for my DC I feel aggrieved on their behalf, that they have had less time, and I feel envious of DH who had 4 grandparents until he was in his 20s and nieces and nephews (my DC older cousins) had the same.
But I'm glad they had grandparents for early years. We don't live close so never used for regular childcare.

Also, to add, my father's parents were not interested in us at all so....age is not the only factor.
My adult children are very lucky to have wonderful grandparents on my side and a fabulous grandma on their dads, despite our divorce when they were children. I'm still close to my exMIL and my exH is still close to my parents.

@Defiantlynot41 you've determined it's not a modern thing because it's not your experience

I understand what you're saying. My grandparents had all died before I was 19 but my parents (77 and 80 and thankfully still in good health/still drive etc) provided childcare for both mine and my sister's children. My parents were in their late 40s when they became grandparents to my sisters children as my parents were early 20s when they had us, and in their 50s when I had mine. They are extremely close with their adult grandchildren, have seen them become adults and now have two great grandchildren.
My children are adult and prob won't have children until their late 30s due to career and housing, but I hope to be a young late 60s grandmother as I will be retired soon and will offer childcare. It's a sad fact that my parents might not be here in another 10-15yrs.
My mum was a grandma at 46 and my sister at 48! Both altered their work pattern to provide unpaid childcare. My mum, now 77, still babysits occasionally for her great grandchildren, just for a few hours though!
It's lovely. I hope that my parents will live to see great grandchildren through my children but they are very active in the lives of the two they have through my nephew. My parents came to Halloween/fireworks events with their children (mid 50s), grandchildren (20s to early 30s) and great grandchildren (0 and 6) and see them regularly.
Sadly my grandparents died early due to cancer and I still miss my Nan, who died when I was 19. I'm 53.

It's not a modern thing. I was born in 1962, GP1 died later that year, GP2 shortly afterwards. GP3 died in 1968 and GP4 in 1971. All in late 60s/early 70s. I have no/very few memories and none took an active part in my childhood