A couple of years before my 50th, I got to a point with extended family, that I was no longer sending cards or gifts. A happy birthday on Facebook, from my point of view, was fine. I was tired of remembering everyone's occasions (yes not just birthdays!) I was tired of making the effort, tired of asking them to family events where they'd not turn up, some not reply at all, tired of suggesting "christmas get togethers" and the such like.
I decided to take all the tiredness and pressure out of myself. I decided not to be disappointed anymore and not have an expectation. Because if you don't have expectations, you can't be disappointed! My 50th was fabulous, my husband and I (together) planned a holiday of a lifetime. My husband is shit at gifts but great at planning! I find it better at "occasions" to tell him what I want...but I understand that's not everyone's cup of tea, they want surprises etc.
Apart from my adult children , I think I had 2 cards from extended family and maybe 3 or 4 private messages on Facebook. That's how much everyone bothered 🤣 and it confirmed I'm absolutely doing the right thing to be unbothered about everyone else's occasions.
As a recovering people pleaser, don't get me wrong, I still find it hard. Even as recent as fireworks night, I broke, inviting all my family to the little gathering I was having at home with my adult kids and grandchildren. The responses or lack of them! Really reminds me why I have to be strong 💪.
No advice I'm afraid for you, people really are inconsiderate these days, totally selfish,only think about themselves. I've had so many birthdays and Christmases where I've thought I'm the easiest person in the world to buy for....I love cooking, jewellery, I have a collection of a couple of things, I like my garden etc. None of that is difficult. So I decided to do the same and not bother! I think the final straw for me was when I bought a close family member a beautiful item that cost me a lot of money....and my birthday is 2 days after her, so she can hardly forget....but she did or just didn't bother and I got a fleeting visit with some lilies in a sainsburys bag with the price ripped off, a Victoria sponge cake and a mascara. All bought from Sainsbury's on the way, shoved in the bright orange bag. Now I love lilies and flowers, so not ungrateful but the whole thing was just way off. That was a defining moment to stop.
I will say though as much as I have no expectations, I do plan with my husband. I do want to see my kids and grandchildren. I will always tell my husband that I want to go out to eat, to arrange it etc. Maybe do you need to take more of the direction to get the outcome you want? As I say I'm happy telling dh what to buy me, I'm happy saying I want to go out to this restaurant etc. I know lots of women aren't. It's more my extended family and friends I no longer bother with.
Happy birthday anyway ✨️🎂🎉🥳