Shite 50th

And it's t he opposite of thoughtful to get stuff you would like when the OP asked for charity donation instead of stuff

It's shows the arrogance of the giver

Sorry OP, I don’t know why people are so shit at gifts. I enjoyed reading your rant though!

Can you ask DH to pay for a weekend away as a belated birthday treat?

How hard is it for people to understand that sone people don't want stuff ?

You're absolutely right where your DH is concerned. But harsh (and somewhat terrifying!) with regards to your friends. I'd hazard a guess that they don't think the kitchen things are 'tat' and have chosen them because you like cooking. How are they supposed to know that you'd be fuming at the very idea of an innocuous spoon rest, and not think 'that's useful' or 'I could do with a new one'? It's actually pretty thoughtful to notice a cook hadn't got one tbh. And yes, I get it, you wanted charity donations but people are often very reluctant to do this. If it were me I'd just reinforce that message and if people don't comply put it down to one of lifes very minor irritations. Friends who want to acknowledge your birthday are a big deal in life. Keep perspective.

You have an awful attitude. I would not want to be your friend anymore.

If you asked for donations to charity that's tantamount to saying you don't really want a gift so people will just buy token gifts.

If you're a keen cook you will be given things to do with cookery. You have no idea if they chose it carefully.

Your husband doesn't sound like he gave it any thought, you have my sympathy there. But you seem to have downplayed the whole gift giving thing, no?

Heck, OP, I’m sorry. That’s not great. My husband took me on a 5-day trip abroad for my 50th, and we planned something special for his 60th. If you want money given to charities and specified which ones, that should have been honoured.

My husband very hesitantly gave me the birthday present from him, saying "Now, it seems a weird gift, while you didn't ask for it, I know you want this"...
It was a toilet seat. 🤨

Previously, I had bought a soft close toilet seat but inadvertently picked up the wrong box and didn't realise until after we had it installed a couple of months later. The loud noise of a lid accidentally smashing down goes right through me. I was so annoyed with myself.

So his gift of a soft close toilet seat was actually really appreciated and a good gift! 😂

This

You sound like a spoiled child. So the heck what! TBH I'm surprised you have friends who get you anything with that attitude.

In the words of the Rolling Stones - 'You can't always get what you want'

Sod them all, then. Book yourself a lovely weekend away on your own to celebrate, and keep the crappy spoon rest to re-gift to your husband on his next milestone birthday. He deserves it. Personally, I'd celebrate with a year of being passive aggressive to all those who didn't listen and gave you crummy gifts. Old aunt Mildred gets a birthday gift of something small and lacy from Ann Summers, a delightful garden gnome for the cousin who lives in a flat etc... you could have some fun planning this.

'don't buy those socks again' was fairly clear imo, as was 'please donate to X charity as my gift'

I tell people what I want. I thought it was a useful strategy to avoid random things, although in my family we make a huge fuss about birthdays and people buy lovely presents. However you did that and it doesn't sound entirely successful. I can completely understand why you are very cross. I would put it to one side and take myself off to JL for the afternoon. Nice cake in the cafe, bit of shopping for lovely things. I would also plan what I was getting myself for Christmas. I'm getting a Mulberry bag this year 🙂

I’m 100% with you op. Shit thoughtless gifts are so hurtful. Especially from your nearest and dearest, but I think even Secret Santa should be thoughtful if you’ve worked with Angie from Accounts for 10 years and you’ve chatted to her daily.

There is NO excuse. None. You can get it wrong occasionally, fine. You may have to try harder if your budget is limited, fine. But to just half-arse it, is like telling me you don’t give a shit about me.

I think you're being a bit silly really. You could have bought yourself anything you wanted but you chose not to do that.

You predicted what would happen and you knew you'd be angry. And you were correct. So just leave or buy yourself lots of nice presents.

This is shite @Cowardlybitch , I feel for you. It’s very hurtful. And it’s your 50th!

I agree you should keep the socks and give them to him.

if you have funds, could you take yourself away for a night in a nice hotel, or by the sea? I do things like this when I’m sick of everyone 😂

" I make a real effort with these people and would never buy them something they had expressly asked me not to."

Well, STOP then. Particularly with your husband. Stop buying him lovely thoughtful presents if this isn't the first, second, or tenth time he has got you shite. See how he likes it.
Either he isn't a 'present' person and won't care (me) so at least you know where you stand, and can just agree to not bother and just save your money to buy yourself something going forward
Or he does like presents and will buck his ideas up.

Friends are a bit harder - giving someone who describes herself as a 'keen cook' a recipe book and cooking equipment sounds like they have tried to get you something you'd like but just haven't done very well. It's a bit mean to kick off at them for not being psychic. Did you really "expressly ask them not to" buy you cooking stuff, because that sounds a bit unlikely? Or did you just say 'Don't buy me anything, please just give a gift to charity in my name.'

Perhaps the stuff you've 'thoughtfully' bought them is actually stuff they are thinking 'why on earth would I want this, just because it's tangentially related to my interest?'

Generally I find that the majority of people are actually pretty poor gift givers, particularly those who think they are really good at it, which makes all the angst at Christmas pretty ironic.

Next year give people specific ideas of things you DO want - for some reason some people don't see charity donations/vouchers as 'real presents' so either give them a nudge in the right direction or say 'I really don't want presents, can we please go out to (restaurant/comedy show/gig/whatever)' so they are still happy thinking they have spent money to celebrate you (even if it isn't actually 'on' you). Or give them ideas that are (nearly) impossible to fuck up and you will always find a use for - candles, flowers, nice bottle of wine/gin, "I'd love it if everyone could give me a copy of their favourite book," or whatever.

That's rubbish OP. My dh was similarly thoughtless for my 50th and it was the nail in the coffin for our marriage. We were no longer together by my 51st.

How about setting up 5 goals/challenges to do this year? Visiting somewhere you've always wanted to go, seeing your favourite band, reading a book you've never read, having colour analysis or whatever floats your boat. Get your dh to fund one or more of them. Do something on the list with friends and make sure they know it is part of your 50th celebrations.

Either all birthdays are special or none are
YABU to think this one is more special than any other

Yes, you need to book business class seats to somewhere incredible. Use the money, YOU are worth it.

And may this to be a gift to you that unless you know your own worth you can’t expect anyone else to. People will get away with the bare bloody minimum most of the time!

I had a similar thing for my 50th, my sister bought me a gift card for £20... for a chain restaurant which isn't even in my area or anywhere near it. I suspect it was re-gifted. Felt like a slap in the face at how unimportant I am.

OP that is shocking!!! Only surpassed by my dh who bought me a 'car bin' for Christmas. I nearly cried!

For my 50th though, dh was 50 the same year AND we paid off the mortgage that year so we went to New York!

And i think this is the sort of thing you must now do. Book some flights today for a city break. Much more memorable!

Happy 50th!

Haven't read the full thread as I'm.short on time but what did you ask for??

Off to Google those socks...

I'm a pagan celebrant on the side, I have a full time job as well. A young couple asked for my services, they weren't very well off. I normally charge travel and accommodation so it would have to a few hundred pounds.
I knew they were struggling so I agreed to do it for free if they donated £100 to the Cat's Protection League. They were thrilled.
It was a big wedding with morris dancers that I arranged.
They never sent any money to my charity, the second time I reminded them they blocked me. I never heard from them again.
Your post reminded me of this.

Go and buy yourself something really nice OP that you've always wanted. I mean really, REALLY nice. A 50th is a special birthday and you are only 50 once.

Please take some advice from me, and refuse to be a Cinderella in your own life story. 💕

I'd be VERY pissed off. I'm with you on this one OP.

I empathise with @Cowardlybitch . I tell people I don't do presents and that I get upset when I get them.
People either take this to mean that I dislike receiving presents or take it to mean that I am dropping a hint that I would love a present, then they call me ungrateful when I'm not delighted with the pointless crap they give me.

Any comment like 'Please don't get me anything, I get upset if I am given things like a scented candle, an ornament or a set of hand towels' means I will be given exactly that. Then they claim I was dropping hints and that I'm unngrateful.