To expect a courtesy email?

This should not be true surely?
I'm a teacher. In my first term in a new school my husband needed a major operation. I was asked what I needed and given it (while he was waiting for the op I left bang on to get to visiting and once he had the op I had the whole last week of term off and I can go to appointments with him too). Probation shouldn’t matter. If he’s disabled can you register as his carer? That should support you legally.

She did

The school should send a standard courtesy email I agree.

However OP you must speak to your husband about this. His condition is affecting your mental health very severely. Ultimately he tripped up the stairs and spilled coffee. It’s not nice but the reaction it has provoked in you is not sustainable, this will completely burn you out and take a massive toll on you if something doesn’t give. If he refuses to help himself further then please look to what you can do to get yourself into a better mindset. Perhaps even some therapy or counselling.

Regardless of whether you are on probation I would encourage you to speak to the school so they at least understand your home life a bit better. People often seem cold when they do not understand what somebody is dealing with.

She did, she's posting from work.

The thread and the original post, I think, wasn't really about the email, but about the fact that the OP is breaking down due to everything thay she has to deal with, while the husband tries to pretend it's all normal. He needs to start dealing with the fact he can't do what he used to do, so she gets a bit of mental space to do what she needs to do, which includes looking after herself. He's letting her down here, despite being in an awful position himself. I bet she has the lion's share of the parenting too. He needs to (unfortunate turn of phrase, I know) step up.

Agree 100% with this, this thread has turned into a horrible pile on. OP's husband has fallen and given them all a fright- I think she should have taken the day off but obviously tricky on probation.

OP I’m sorry you are having such a terrible time in RL and on this thread, which is such an appalling example of the race to the bottom attitude that permeates everywhere but is portrayed in typical obnoxious fashion on MN.

There is not a single place where I have worked where this sort of incident would not have provoked a decent response and I’ve worked in some really tough corporate environments.

i assume all the posters who are saying you should expect nothing (and you should be at work) are saying that because that is how they are treated at work/treat others. It’s not acceptable to be that much of an arsehole and I am sorry for everyone that has to put up with such unpleasant treatment.

This does read like a classic dripfeed.

Initially, the OP's husband falls up the stairs while carrying coffee, is okay but "wobbly", the OP decides to stay at home for some reason and asks if she's U because the school haven't asked after someone who's not even a staff member 20 minutes into the school day.

MN: YABU

OP: But, but...I'm shaking and have diarrhoea and nausea and anxiety...
Oh well, I'll struggle in and manage somehow; I'll mask my extreme anxiety even though I'm still shaking...
And if it turns out my beloved, disabled husband has severe concussion or a subdural or something, I'm sure he'll ring 111 (let's hope nobody there's taken a day off because their spouse fell over and is now OK but wobbly)

MN: Sorry, but YAstillBU

OP: Resorts to abuse.

That's a very dramatic reaction. Are you in therapy/on medication?

if you get some form of carer's allowance, even if you dont, you could get a carer to go in every day
in the meantime get a plan of action
speak to your head, all the best

Why would they ask if you are OK?

You didn't fall over

There is no UK disability register.

What you're saying is his employers consider him disabled under the terms of equality act.

Who is he registered with? There is no such thing as a disabled registry. You can get pip, or a blue badge.. but that is it.

You should have gone to work, even if you went in late.

I would have thought that a tecaher would know that there is no such thing as "registered disabled" because there is no register of people with disabilities.

I'm not telling you to leave.

I'm telling you to tell your husband that his bad choices impact you so much that your mental health is being messup up to the point of vomiting. That if he refuses to see how his bad choices are affecting others then he needs to start thinking how he would cope on his own. It will probably shock him to the core and might make him realise that he needs to start choosing better. Sometimes you have to lay it out to see how bad the situation is. You can't keep papering over the cracks.

Not taking food and drink upstairs should be your drawn line. It's up to him to figure out where he's eating/drinking downstairs. But it's something that HAS to be done. Next time your child could end up in hospital scarred for life.

Who do you choose OP? Your child's safety or your husband's right to do whatever he wants?

Have you read the thread?

If so, you'd know the answer.

I know you're being sarcastic, but to what extreme will you take this? He is refusing to accept his condition and get help. This affects the whole family. He is not acting in a loving way.

So you're at school now and yet you're still finding time to post shouty messages on Mumsnet? Best of luck with that probationary period 😂

Your family don't have to come second, but teaching is a very difficult job to get cover for, particularly at very short notice. Things happen, of course they do, but equally you have to get things put in place so these accidents don't happen. You know about your husband's disability, and can and should be able to prepare better.

He knows he's disabled and not taking appropriate measures.

He falls. A lot. So he should have some form of assistance like a pendant around his neck and/or wrist that sends out an alert if falls.

He shouldn't be using stairs without help. A friends partner had issues with balance and fell down their stairs regularly and eventually broke their back doing it. After that no stairs when home alone. Trying to do stairs with hot drinks is absolutely stupid. He may want to be 'normal' but he isn't. And trying to do things he can't is hurting those around him and you need to have the conversation to make that crystal clear.

Some of these replies are ridiculous. We seem to be living in a very unsympathetic world at the moment.

Does he have a care plan in place with carers who can visit while you’re working?

Teacher sickness rates are huge. The expection in your opinion might be that teachers are expected to never be off sick but the reality is different.

And sickness is different to MAT pay, career breaks, COVID infections, carers leave etc.

And I'm not bashing teachers at all, I work with many and am also from a public sector with enormous sickness rates where colleagues frequently say they can't go off sick. But do. As do hundreds of thousands of others including me at times.

You’re being so dramatic and defensive now. Your op literally said he was fine and you seemed more concerned about the walls so people were rightfully confused about why you needed to be off. You were specifically concerned about not having received a reply from the school by 9:20, nothing at all in your post about your husband!
Its got nothing to do with being a teacher, it would be strange in any industry.

Odd you’ve chosen to go in now that you say he was struggling but when you phoned off work he was fine.