To expect a courtesy email?

I am sure you’re wishing you hadn’t posted on here, some of the replies my god I’m glad I don’t have such unkind people in my real life.

Hope all works out for you and your husband OP

Is that you Meghan??

(sorry just couldn't resist!)

Going forward I think your DH needs to be more considerate of you! Yes, it's tough to have to accept not being able to do some things but really, carrying 2 hot mugs of coffee upstairs is just madness!

And you took the time to count...!!!

She didn't give them a chance.

She didn't actually speak to anyone that might be able to give some feedback or sympathy as emailed the relevant people then complained at 9.19 am when they were very likely busy with the start of the school day and planning how to cover OPs morning classes.

Then she emailed again to say she was going in.

The school sound very much lacking in empathy OP. I hope you are feeling a bit better now, and that they do better at acting like they give a shit about you, their colleague, when you're there in person.

Why because some randoms on the internet are telling you off? What do they know?!

There really are some horrible replies on this thread.

This illustrates how much attitude from employers matters as much as rules. A bit of politeness, replying to an email, and concern, acknowledgment of the situation, would do wonders for the mental health and productivity of employees.
You sound at the end of your tether, obviously new job and child starting school have piled on extra stress but it might need to be a wake up call to your husband that he needs to accept some changes. Is he in any groups relating to his condition? If so that might be a source of both practical suggestions on adaptations and a way for him to connect.

Hi OP. This sounds very stressful sorry to hear it's affecting your MH. I'm also a Teacher. In this situation I would call in late and make sure the family member is ok then leave for work asap.

Sorry you've had some harsh replies. I agree that the school will be busy arranging cover and I wouldn't expect them to check in with you until later unless it was a more serious incident at home.

I hope you can get some rest after work 😃

You posted 28 comments on MN during the course of the morning. You weren't exactly spending the time tending to his needs.

At my school we have an auto reply for absence emails - though it doesn't always work. As a manager I might respond with a thumbs up if plans have been sent through or write thanks. But not for every absence - we are a big school.

But will he be cleaning up the walls? It isn’t acceptable for him to do things like this because he wants to be ‘normal’ when there is a high chance of an accident. He’s making more work for someone - probably you? At the least, he’ll need to use a flask if he’s insisting on carrying drinks upstairs.

Things like a stool in the shower aren't permanent and would be not something you'd need to tell her, for example.

If it's more adjustments to behaviour rather than the architecture of the house, does she even need to know? I think advice could be really useful. And also bring the issues home to him a bit.

Excellent advice here. I also developed a spinal condition in my late 30s; it causes me to trip/fall quite a lot, and I can be a bit unsteady. It's shit, I get it. But, I live alone, and have had to make adaptations to my flat - I use the non-spill thermos mugs, and carry things around in a bag (where possible), so I have both hands free. I fell yesterday, and broke a glass picture frame, so had to clear up glass/a cut hand with glass in it. It's life.

I'd second that if your husband is so bad that you need to be there with him, it might be time to have a discussion about what help he needs through the care system. Otherwise, he needs to use adaptations in the house, and not do anything he struggles with, when he is alone.

Oh, and the email thing..... it's Monday morning. I would imagine they picked your email up when they logged in at 8/8.30(?), and were busy sorting cover, before they check in with you; and when they do check in, they will be keen to know how long you'll be off, given the knock on effect.
I hope all is ok.

Can you get an OT to do a home visit to make recommendations?

Your life is hard OP. You are combining care for your husband with all the anxiety that causes, with raising a child and trying to work in a new role in a tough job. And like most carers, you will be under recognised. Sounds as though what you want is for people to see how hard this is, and acknowledge it.
Unfortunately I think you're going about it in a counter productive way, because there's an element of the martyr coming through. You'll force yourself to teach despite vomiting. I'll be alright, I have to be... But unfortunately this yields no rewards. Because all that happens is people think, she can do it really, she just wants to moan, and think you're over egging the pudding for sympathy.
My advice to you is to speak out honestly about your situation and what you can and can't do. If you can't go in, you can't. It's not a case of I can't, but I'll have to, is it? Likewise if you can, then do.
Talk to your manager, for goodness sake, let them know you're a carer. I'm not saying you'll be able to keep your job come what may, but you'll at least maximise your employment protections.
Then talk to your DH. Tell him what you need from him to enable you to care for him alongside the other responsibilities in your life. He may want things to be 'normal', but they're not, and you have to live the life you have not the one you'd prefer.

She actually said that the walls didn't matter

What thread are you reading?

He's OK but clearly shaken as am I. The walls are a disaster but that's not important!

And why, when someone is clearly upset and worried do you have to be so nasty?

It's probably the lunch break. Are you just enjoying putting the boot in?

Unfortunately, that's what schools are like. No teacher would expect a response to that sort of email, especially by 9.20am. The pressures on budget and time are enormous.
I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying that's what happens.

I think the "being on probation" needs to be questioned here. Teachers are on probation for their first year. Even when you change schools you are deemed to have proven yourself as a professional and will have observations and targets the same as everyone else.
They shouldn't really ask for a probationary period, it's unusual.

At least get an insulated cup with a lid

Right. But, has this fall left him unable to care for himself. The sad fact is that unless you want to become his career and live on the pittance that is carer’s allowance, then you have to work and cannot risk losing your job. That means leaving him, even after a fall, unless he is actually injured and unable to take care of himself at all.

I don’t agree with any of that. I actually think carer’s allowance should be closer to a full time wage (for those caring for people who need full time care and not people taking the piss and claiming it for each other etc). But it isn’t. And you and your husband clearly need your income. That means making hard decisions. That means going to work and leaving him to look after himself, and it sounds like he is actually plenty capable and the falls etc are because he won’t use walking aids and is trying to do things, like carry both coffees, when he can’t. You cannot risk your job just because he won’t take necessary precautions.

You might have to sit him down for a proper chat. What happened this morning will be a factor in your school deciding if they will continue your employment. It would not have happened if he used mobility aids or stopped trying to carry two things at once. His refusal to accept his condition is risking your job, and also putting him at risk of serious harm. A fall in the stairs could be really bad. He was lucky. He needs to realise this, so maybe it’s time you lay it out plainly for him. Accidents will still happen, but he doesn’t need to set himself up in stupid situations and make the accident more likely.

It can be very difficult accepting he has to change the way he does things. But he does have to. Bringing you a coffee in the morning is a lovely thing, and it’s something nice he can do for you. There is no reason he needs to stop, but I’d suggest getting a cup caddy for 2 cups. He can then make the coffee, slot them into the caddy and carry them upstairs with one hand, keeping the other hand free for a walking aid or bannister use. Simple adjustments like will really help him continue doing the things he wants to do in a safe way. You can get a cup caddy for around £10/15. Then he can still bring you coffee and you can both enjoy a few minutes of coffee in bed together, he can still do this romantic gesture and maybe still feel a little more in control of his situation.

Good luck, adjusting to disability isn’t easy for either of you but you’ll figure it out, and you’ll find all sorts of great tools you can get to make tasks easier.