To expect a courtesy email?

To offer another side to the DH problem (whilst I am in general agreement he is causing more problems for the OP than necessary, again not with being disabled, but his reluctance to accept it and any help), disabilities do impact us all differently.

When I was (finally) diagnosed with mine, I found it incredibly hard to accept, and made life so much harder for myself as a result. It's not an instant process when you gain a disability in adulthood, to accepting this and adopting your new, reduced, way of life.

It's devastating, its unacceptable, you can out-think it, you can just try harder, you CAN do this if only you try that bit harder. Then as the realisation creeps up on you (often very slowly, for me it took years to realise and the process of acceptance), the depression and useless-ness feeling begins to creep in as you realise you are no longer you, and you can not be the 'you', that you are inside the failing body, anymore.

Don't care what anyone says, it's a different process for everyone, some are able to accept it sooner than others, it is very akin to a grieving process. It's not easy and it's not instant.

Rather than OP's OH being a complete cockend to her, I think he's in not in a good way in his journey. So, he IS having a massive impact on her, but it's not all intentional.

Hard for some to get bothered about carpet, phoning insurance, stains on walls, when you're falling all over the place, probably in some pain, and inner turmoil over what is happening to you and the realisation it's not going to get better, and in fact, may only get worse. Doesn't make it OK of course, but, I understand.

A brilliant dad step dad will look at how he can get his needs addressed so he does not take risks eg carrying coffee up stairs.
Brilliant means consideration of others including you op

I feel for you OP, it sounds like you are trying to keep hundreds of plates spinning - and no one is helping you! Could you put your two teen sons in a shared room? (they won’t like it, but they’re not paying the rent, and it might mean your 4 year old could have her own room and hopefully get some sleep) You say your exH was/is wealthy - does he contribute enough maintenance for your shared sons? Do they spend enough time with him? I would suggest a serious chat with your DH about options you can both look at going forward. You are not there to be the family slave, workhorse, AND carer. It also sounds like you might need some support irl - do you have good friends or family you can talk to and get on board? Re supply teaching, I’m not sure that would be a good option if you’re likely to need to cancel at the last moment because of your DH? Try to keep the stability you have (job/s) but start making changes at home, eg bedrooms, and starting to get assessed for care/aid for DH (whether he is on board or not!) Also talk to your GP about your own health issues, and the stress you are under. Best of luck 💐

All of this must be having an effect on your DC (teens as well as 4 year old). How must your small child feel, seeing her father falling over regularly and her mother being completely exhausted by it all?

I know you’ve said you don’t want a divorce but eventually the resentment towards your selfish DH will kill your marriage. I’d be furious about the lack of care towards you, your children and your home.

The more you post about him, the more selfish and unpleasant he sounds.

'We now how burns on the carpet where DH caused an electrical fire (he couldn't be bothered to claim on the insurance he took out) and now a stained wall going up the stairs. It doesn't bother him but it does me. And I'm the one left having to try to sort it as well as everything else.'

I'm so sorry op with everything that you are enduring but as others have said your dh is being incredibly reckless and unfair to you. You have a young dc your dh can't be causing fires and spiling hot drinks.

He needs ro accept his limitations and take some responsibility. Many many people have life limiting conditions and one has to adapt not plough on causing at best property damage at worst damage to the people living in the house. Good luck, hope you have some support.

Agree with this.
He's a selfish twat.
If you do lose this house.
Dump him.
Focus on your children.
He is making your life harder.

Disabilities aside, your DH sounds like an arsehole.

OP you sound utterly exhausted and just done in by life, to be honest.

You have a DH problem, for starters. Not because he is disabled. But because he is being pig headed about accepting this, and any help, and this is having direct negative consequences on you. This must stop.

I'm not a teacher - but I'd genuinely find it hard to believe you'd get sacked for one day sick, 3 months in to a new job, probation or not. People get sick. I feel as if though people on this thread are deliberate trying to trigger your anxiety, when you've already stated you suffer with this. It seems quite bullyish behaviour, to me.

I imagine the day off today wasn't just about DH's fall, by a long stretch.

You need some support for you OP. You sound as if you're doing your utter best, and a wonderful job you're doing too. Easy to criticise at the end of a phone, being a carer is so much more taxing than most on this thread will fortunately have to ever understand.

Try a magic eraser on the walls (the Flash ones are good, there are cheaper ones but often they're shite!). Worked when I tripped and threw coffee up my (rental) walls! Just be gentle, don't scrub hard or you might take the paint off. Wet the eraser, and scrub quickly but as lightly as you can.

OP, your DH insists on retaining his independence - surely this means he should be cleaning up the mess he made??

You sounded really stressed and flustered. Is it because of him, are you naturally anxious to the point of vomiting in stressful situations, does he and his condition make you so? Or a mix of everything?

Don't mean to be awful but your hubby really needs to accept his limitations. Everybody has them at any age even healthy people do. Not carrying cups of hot liquids up the stairs to avoid making you ton of work cleaning, stressing you out to the point of puking and potentially making you loose your job would be a start, unless of course he cleaned it all up after himself?

I have ME, arthritis and in March I broke my ankle very badly by missing two steps on the stairs carrying clothes downstairs so I know how dangerous stairs can be. I needed two surgeries and I was bed-bound for a few weeks. It all had a knock on effect on the rest of the family esp my hubby. Same might happen to you guys. How will you keep your job if your hubby will be in a plaster cast unable to shower or go to the toilet on his own? Even if he just injures himself in a way that he won't be able to do things for himself do you guys really need that? Or he prefers to go around pretending he is normal and he expects everyone to go with his delusion and the consequences when it goes tits up which it seems it did this morning.

On a practical level, if he does not accept things from you can you think of someone who could talk sense into him? Someone he trusts and listens to.

Sorry to be so blunt I mean it all with compassion.

It must be really difficult for you both adjusting to this, and certainly for your husband dealing with internalised ableism that tells us if we just try hard enough we can be 'normal'. But he needs to get to grips with this rather than being in denial. You can get an assessment of home adaptations even if you rent and the assessment will take that into account - for example things can be provided that don't make structural changes or things that screw into a wall can be unscrewed with the holes filled and painted over when you move out. You could also consider trying to find a 3 bed flat, though I know a house move would be stressful at this time. Do try and get yourself some support too, eg a carers group - just feeling less alone can be incredibly powerful.

@Youthiswastedontheyoung
What did the headteacher say when you eventually went in?

Apologies, I missed that detail.

It must be a one bedroom maisonette I’m guessing from what you’ve said, so it does sound tight for space. Is it a pressure sore mattress he has? I know a lot about the various types from a previous job - I can’t see the noise of that being ideal for you or your 4 year old. You must all be utterly exhausted.

Not sure why you're on probation if you're an experienced teacher. Is this a public sector school? Either way, when you're new in a job you want to create a good impression and that includes not taking too much time off. I doubt there'll be any consequence to the odd day but if it becomes a pattern because your DH keeps having accidents then it won't go down well. You sound very stressed and overwhelmed by it all. Tell your SMT about your situation but reassure them you won't be taking days off just to hold your husband's hand. Contingency plans required. And don't make yourself ill with worry!